Just starting out!
My boyfriend's girls are good girls. I don't fault them for their mother's actions, which is ultimately the reason I joined this site. It's become very challenging to continue to try to instill manners and even personal hygiene to two girls whose mother never cared to talk about either. I wish that was the worst of it, but it's not. My boyfriend and I are also up against someone that is very bitter about being divorced and having moved on; she bad mouths him to the girls at every possible turn. The younger girl seems to be less affected by all of this confusion and dramatics. The older, however, clearly has divided thoughts and acts out on a fairly regular basis. At times, these actions are blatant, at other times, they are sneaky, cunning, and calculated. I'm a little bit shocked at how underhanded she can be. I know enough to know that some of these things are the ways in which children tend to react to stress and discord in their lives, particularly with their parents, but I find myself having not much patience for these theatrics. I'm sure there are other parents and stepparents that have been here, so I'd appreciate any words of wisdom. Thanks!
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Tog- yes, he absolutely does
Tog- yes, he absolutely does set limits, expectations, rules and guidelines. He also backs me in my attempts at guiding the girls, as well. I don't ever try to dictate, I suggest, remind, and offer to help if I can. I know enough to realize that they don't view me as a mother, but interestingly, they've voiced that they are more concerned about MY reaction to some of their shananigans than they are dad's. I'm not quite certain why that would be.
Hugley- some of the acting out goes like this. Older kid has hung up on dad in the middle of his speaking to her, will stare blankly when confronted with something she's done and will absolutely not respond at all. When child protective services removed them from BM, we were ALL told that she can't go back for even a visit without dad's knowledge and arrangements with mom. She got on the school bus and went there after school one day anyway, telling no one except her younger sister. We found out days later that younger sister knew by her own admission. I think she's pissed off that her parents are divorced, and mom filling her head with colossal lies and badmouthing is helping NOTHING.
According to the divorce decree, BM has to correspond with dad about things like visitation and changes in schedule; she never calls about any of it and consistently tries to make arrangements through her kid. It's literally a violation of a court order, albeit not a very enforceable one. BM is basically really pissed off that dad has moved on and tries to make his life difficult whenever possible. It's just this ongoing battle that I wish we could just end. But it takes a mature, self aware adult, not anywhere near what this "mother" is.