Material Occasion BLUES
Today is SStwins12 birthday and I am blue/annoyed. We make substantially less money and substantially more people than both BM (though she is in foreclosure and bankruptcy for as much as her salary does her with her outrageous spending habits) and my ex-H. Conveniently, DH and I really love living simply and with less emphasis on material things. We reduce, reuse and recycle as a way of life and this was a large part of what drew us together in the first place.
However, on occasions where gifts are given, the massive discrepancy between houses always makes me feel a little blue and a lot annoyed. The fact that twelve-year-olds would even think to ask for an Apple watch or other really expensive things makes me scratch my head and assume the persona of someone on Little House on the Prairie.
Couple this with the fact that we're going out to lunch in an hour or so, and that DH has gone to pick twins up after BM (who is "pursuing sole custody again") has graciously agreed that DH could see the twins on their b-day.....and that as usual they will try to order the most extravagant thing on the menu, like they're members of the British monarchy....and as usual it will be my fault when they're told they can't order it. In the meantime, my two wouldn't even think to press me about ordering something they couldn't pronounce or that they've only seen on a cooking show, in public- they would ask if we could try it at home. LOL DS12 would never even ask that- he's content with tacos in any form. He could live on them.
SSs have each received their requested Apple watch from BM.
Their birthday cake is done. I hope that they're not too terribly disappointed this year. We ordered earbuds for them- they asked for the $200 Beats headphones and obviously we couldn't swing them....
Sigh. Hope everyone's Thanksgiving was lovely.
Yours truly,
Eeyore (MJL)
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Comments
hahaha 42 still on Iphone 4
hahaha 42 still on Iphone 4 have to start looking into other phones, can't afford a new Ipone we pay for the 6 +/- 1000USD
I'm looking into cheap phones now,
Me too Acra, though I think
Me too Acra, though I think it's a 4s - whatever that means. Meanwhile, SD12 has a 7.
And, my brother works for Apple in CA! How pathetic am I??
Be strong and don't sweat it.
Be strong and don't sweat it. If they are ungrateful point out that they are welcome to donate their unwanted gifts to a homeless shelter. Do not allow them to even 2nd guess your ethics.
And when Mommy loses their home they have a long way to fall.
It's challenging when
It's challenging when marriage requires us to rub against differing cultures and belief systems.
I married into a family that was IMO overly invested in kid worship, modeled from the top by my FIL. As CODs, the skids and their cousins were showered with material things from a very young age in a one-way dynamic that never taught them gratitude or reciprocity. They are all adults now, are generally unhappy, and socially awkward with varying degrees of entitlement.
You and your DH can be the side of the family that models love instead of buying it and values experiences over possessions. Take them to buy a toy for a poor child; teach them how to bake, and make goody plates to deliver to neighbors; have them help you sort out some old blankets to give to the homeless. They won't remember all the crap they got for Christmas, but they'll remember learning to make gingerbread, family movie night, etc.
we made the mistake of
we made the mistake of spoiling skids early on, well they were already spoiled but once we married i became an active participant. What i learned is their gratitude lasted about a day then they went back to being rude brats.
I eventually learned you can't buy love and affection from the skids so I've stopped. Meals out are few and far in between. Trust me, expensive gifts make them worse anyway so don't feel bad you can't do that for your skids.