She actually followed through on a threat!
I wrote in Family Court forum a couple weeks back about a threat BM made, to contact our town and prevent skids from attending camp here (last year they split time here and in her town). Their stepsiblings go to camp here, they love camp here- it's a partial-day camp where I pick up at noon, then we do lunch/pool/etc...for the rest of the day.
There's a lot more to it, including the CO from 2010 that DH signed in hopes of helping her be able to move on (ah, that nugget). He has put in for a change of circumstance, since we got married after that, I am a teacher who can be home with these kids and can run a life with a half-day camp, their step-siblings go there, etc.......but they will not have prelim until end of June, so it's likely that for the skids, this summer is not going to be much fun. All by her hand. All because of her sickness, her inability to move the hell on. I will have a newborn, I will be running my sweet babies to camps, and if skids really have nowhere to go on the mornings my kids are at camp they will be doing quiet things on DH's custody days. Things like reading, writing, math. I will not be entertaining them during my only downtime, baby's naptime. She is so disgusting. The irony is that for someone who wants to limit their time with me, she's actually increasing it tenfold. That's her game. I think she still thinks that I want to replace her as their mother? That was last year's drama. If she only knew how tired I have gotten of the entire thing. I so wish that I wasn't planning my summer around two kids who aren't mine. Ugh. We just cannot afford the full-day camp that she wants to send them to. And, admittedly, time with their stepsibs is important. She always has to try to over-dramify everything and screw everything up.
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Technically the CO says that
Technically the CO says that they will attend child care somewhere in that town- not specifically at that camp that she has signed them up for (which, btw, he has not agreed to). Of course in her massively sick mind, she was playing a different game last year and it worked perfectly for them to attend both camps. This year the game has changed. That's NPD for you.
The change of circumstance should have been filed last year, after he and I had gotten married.
A court cannot force a person to pay money they don't have, to send children to a camp they cannot afford.
is MJL your weekly victim? is
is MJL your weekly victim? is she the one you're going to follow around and try to twist her blogs around and throw them in her face this week? you act like you know exactly what is going to happen. you don't know jack. you have to be the most bitter bm i've come across EVER.
i disagree with everything
i disagree with everything that comes out of your mouth, because it's always an attempt to argue. you are never supportive, you are never compassionately critical if you disagree. you find something to grab onto like a dog with a bone, and you chew and shake it vigorously and without end...until you find another bone. why are you even here if you aren't looking to give and recieve support?
Bi, thank you! I have always
Bi, thank you! I have always wondered if that was HR's game but I have always given her the benefit of the doubt and responded to her posts with respect. I still intend to, but I do think she may be a bitter BM.
I'm so sorry you have to deal
I'm so sorry you have to deal with the drama. People not in our situations say you married into it and you knew what you were getting into. That is not the case. I don't think anything can prepare you as to how crazy and what control freaks these BM's can be sometimes. Why wouldn't you want you child to have fun and enjoy their summer with the other part of their family. It's very sad and selfish on their part. They are only hurting the kids. Good luck MJL2010. I hope it gets better.
Thank you Rodgers! I've
Thank you Rodgers! I've always said that her hatred of us is much stronger than her love or concern for her children. It is so sick!
I KNOW!!! This woman does not
I KNOW!!! This woman does not believe that the bond between mothers and their children is stronger than any other. Case in point: she told them a couple weeks ago that she no longer wants them to live with her, that she wants them to move with DH full time and she even had the more easily-affected of the two call DH and leave a vm telling him that. BUT just yesterday I heard said skid telling DH that he was excited to see his mother last night. They will love her no matter what. And she is so stupid or maybe just really unconfident in her mothering abilities that she doesn't believe it.
He wasn't her DH at the time
He wasn't her DH at the time they signed. They were divorced.
He married a teacher, who can support half day camp and half day child care as I have summers free. We cannot afford to have SSs attend full-day camp. I am home. That is why his getting married should change this.
More time?? He doesn't get
More time?? He doesn't get more custody time. They have 50/50. Not sure where you are drawing that conclusion from??
Yep!! Ding, ding. But BM is
Yep!! Ding, ding.
But BM is the nutter who is "hurting" the kids.
Some people can't see the forest when they're a tree.
it's not that simple if
it's not that simple if you're a "tree".
To both you and HRC: BM chose
To both you and HRC: BM chose to move to a town twenty miles away so that she could "get healthy". DH drives skids to school twenty miles away on his custody time, he drives them to all the activities she signs them up for without his permission, twenty or more miles away, on his custody time. So, apparently bitter BMs, ding ding, this BM is absolutely screwing her kids up beyond belief. She is vile filth.
MJL, look at the facts. The
MJL, look at the facts.
The COURT ORDER states an inbetween town for camp if parents can't agree.
The COURT ORDER states that DH and BM split the cost.
Too bad, so sad you can't afford a FT camp. Your DH agreed to it, and it's been ordered by the court. How he could afford before he married you and now he magically cannot...well, there must be more to it.
Just because you and DH got married, it CHANGES NOTHING. Simple. You have summers off. Doesn't matter. You have a new baby. Doesn't matter.
BM wants to abide by the COURT ORDER that was signed by BM and DH just a short while ago. YOU are the one who doesn't like the CO (possibly DH, too) and YOU guys are the ones who want to go against it. This has nothing to do with BM being difficult, etc.
It has everything to do with BM wanting to abide by the CO, and you and DH not.
If this is your example, BM isn't even close to vile filth.
PS: I'm not a bitter BM in the least. I don't even have to deal with my XH anymore, let alone his flavor of the month.
Ugh, he. has. applied. for.
Ugh, he. has. applied. for. a. change. of. circumstance. We do not want to ignore the CO, go against the CO, or jeez, anything else you said. He wants it CHANGED. It may be. It may not be. Tell you what: if it is declined by the court, I will post it and you and HRNYC can gloat and sing BM's praises.
You don't know half of what this woman has done, because most of it is so sick and convoluted that I couldn't possibly begin to put it into words on a blog.
Thank you, Ripley! It will
Thank you, Ripley! It will sure be interesting to see how this all turns out. Thanks for the support- support or clear-headed vision and experience in these matters- even if it means gently pointing something out that I hadn't thought of or am too close to the situation to see objectively- are why I come to Steptalk. Some people on here really seem to want to be counterproductive to that. It just inspires me to be more supportive of my stepmom peeps!
Ummmm....no, SHE is the one
Ummmm....no, SHE is the one who decided to move twenty miles away and force DH to drive skids to school all year long. Now she can't drive a few days a summer, even tho she did last year and it worked just fine in spite of her horrific mothering and alienation which don't depend on distance.
And at the point he signed
And at the point he signed it, he couldn't believe she was still acting so crazy. He thought signing would be a step toward helping her move on. His first mistake! (Well, ok-his first was being married to her and reproducing with her- but had no idea what kind of crazy she would turn after their divorce- a common thread with some BMs it seems, unfortunately for the majority of stepmoms).....
Again- SHE SHE SHE moved to a
Again- SHE SHE SHE moved to a town twenty miles away. SHESHESHE drives one mile to work and less than a mile to take her kids to school. Yet for the summer, she cannot share town camps and do a bit of driving? For less than two months out of the year?
Nope. Saying that she cannot
Nope. Saying that she cannot exist without drama. Please reread and get facts.
His getting married shouldn't
His getting married shouldn't change anything.
If it did, we would have to take the good with the bad. In this case good would be SKs going to the camp dad wants because of your job.
Bad would be BM demanding an increase in CS because of your job.
SPs jobs/income should not matter.
I'm dealing with a crazy BM who thinks my income should be used to increase the amount of CS DF pays.
That is disgusting,
That is disgusting, Disneyfan. I am so lucky because since they have 50/50, neither pays the other child support. I'm sorry for your dealings with your resident psycho.
You've got a good read on
You've got a good read on this woman, Dtzy! Because the thing is that she has already signed them up for weeks of camp in the in-between town, and she will pay her share, but she has written a ridiculous letter to our town saying that skids cannot attend camp here, on DH's custody time!! She is OUT OF HER MIND, and absolutely it is an attempt to create drama and fuck DH and of course me.
I agree, Dtzy. There are
I agree, Dtzy. There are moments when I have little pangs of "What if?" about my kids' dad's GF. But always always I am lucky to have sanity on my side, and sanity says that I want what's best for my kids, and I love the fact that she is so kind to them, that they enjoy being around her. If she becomes their stepmom I will be happy for them!
Thank you for your kind thoughts and support.
I think the OP is saying the
I think the OP is saying the camp inbetween is full day not half day and they can't afford half day...my question is why isn't the BM paying for half.
Not all parents are required
Not all parents are required to split the cost.
If my SDs attend day care, day care or summer camp, DF has to pay 100%.
They will be with us all of July. I found a free camp that they can attend all summer.
IF BM gets a job by August (not likely), she can pull the kids from the free camp and force DF to pay for a camp she picks.
She tried this last fall with PreK for SD5. DF wanted to enroll her in a public school preK (free). BM put her in a day care then told DF to pay up. They went to court and he got off the because BM doesn't work. The judge told DF he can't force BM to send the kids to the school he picked. She told BM she can't force DF to pay for day care while she sits on her butt all day.
If BM weren't so lazy, she would have won. She's in a nursing program. But instead of taking the 5 day 9-5 LPN course enrolled in the 2 nights a week CAN course.
Maybe she couldn't handle the
Maybe she couldn't handle the LPN course.....
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You're right- thank you
You're right- thank you Gabriel's Mom- can't afford full day- and she will pay for half but I am here. Why waste money we don't really have on a full-day camp???
Because your DH is ordered
Because your DH is ordered to???
That is why he has filed for
That is why he has filed for a change of circumstance. Wow do things get convoluted when the heat rises. Guess it's up to the judge. Unfortunately these boys' summer will be history by the time a decision is made.
It will be VERY interesting
It will be VERY interesting to hear what magically gets changed in the CO because dad got married.
Stepdown, good point- but he
Stepdown, good point- but he signed it originally to shut her up. He acquiesced to her in that CO- granting her permission to move to a town twenty miles away, knowing that it would mean lots of extra driving for him, forever or at least until her next whim kicked in. She wanted to "get healthy" which has obviously not happened and likely never will. She will pay her share, but it seems totally unfair of her to block skids from coming here for half days ON HIS CUSTODY TIME and prevent skids from spending time with their stepsibs.........gross.
What if the Dad cannot afford
What if the Dad cannot afford the camp the BM wants the kids sent to???
court orders aren't nearly
court orders aren't nearly as imposing as people may think. my ex has had a court order for many years to pay support on bd17. he doesn't do it, and he's not in jail. he refuses to work and the state allows it. there is a warrant for his arrest, but no one is actually doing anything. i don't think not sending a skid to camp is something that is going to cost dad his license or anything else. that is ridiculous.
ok. i have no idea what
ok. i have no idea what you're talking about. all i'm saying is that just because they don't have the money for camp doens't mean dad is going to jail, etc. i wouldn't be losing any sleep over it if it were me. i think the courts have more important things to worry about than whether or not this kid goes to camp.
LMAO. *I* am not taking any
LMAO. *I* am not taking any chances! *DH* has requested change of circumstances.
I hope you're right! And that
I hope you're right! And that a court will see what is just.
They set a precedent last
They set a precedent last year. Last year they spent time at both camps. This year she is annoyed that I will not watch them on her custody days if they go to half day. So she did whatever petty thing she could. She's a dirty dog- and a sick one.
Please check my response to
Please check my response to your first comment, Stepdown.
OMG- got back from
OMG- got back from preparations for and actual DS's birthday party and am seeing that this has blown up! We are going to a neighborhood event for a couple hours but I want to thank everyone who has taken time to offer their two cents- knowing that not everyone who has shares my opinion and that some may even sound like BMs with inflammatory comments. I appreciate the time and energy everyone has taken and I promise I haven't abandoned! I will be on later to read and respond. Hope everyone is having a great Saturday!!
There is a CO to use a camp
There is a CO to use a camp in the "in between" town that BM and DH SIGNED. It was set to be "fair" to both PARENTS. It splits the travel arrangements for parents who share custody 50/50.
HOW, oh HOW, is it "fair" to put them in DH's town simply because he got married?? One parent marrying doesn't suddenly remove rights and privileges of either parent. Neither does it magically negate a CO. That's a new one on me. :?
Now, if the CO says an in between town, then THAT'S where they need to go. Not stuck doing math at dad's house so SM can sleep...or whatever.
Sigh.
But BM is the bitch in this. Really??
"But BM is the Bitch in this.
"But BM is the Bitch in this. Really?" What is wrong with you? Making reference to someone you don't even know being a Bitch? The woman said she would have a newborn by this time. Do you remember what that was like or are you a SM that only has SK's? People come to this site for support, but some of you get off on being ugly and inconsiderate. If you have your love so figured out, why are you on here? Oh! That's right! You DON'T have your life figured out so you try to make others as miserable as you are! Pathetic!
I was driving 2 hours round
I was driving 2 hours round trip to pick up SD with newborns. Right outta the hospital. With 3 separate infants.
It isn't the end of the world. Seriously, have women gotten that wimpy?!?
DGB- thank you. But BM is the
DGB- thank you. But BM is the bitch in this- I think you're defending me, the SM. And I appreciate it. Some people here really love being inflammatory. I wouldn't be a bit surprised to find that one of them knows our BM.
Yes, I'm defending you and am
Yes, I'm defending you and am outraged that some of these sweet BM's and SM's will come on this site and start cursing others! THIS is the reason we haven't ever had a woman President! Women are so busy stabbing each other in the back, that they can't even focus on the entire issue! Most of us only hear the part that pisses us off and jump on it! Honestly, one of the reasons I became a teacher is so I wouldn't have to put up with all of the office and corporate bull crap! Come on Ladies! When is your self esteem going to be elevated to a point where you can quit bashing others on this site? Some of us need to get back to being proud to be a lady....
Knuckle, nothing about this
Knuckle, nothing about this situation is fair. As I explained above, skids go to school in a town twenty miles away. DH drives all year and she drives one mile max. Last year the skids attended both camps during different weeks, and though she was disgustingly behaved, the camp-in-both-locations thing worked. This is hurting her kids.
I totally get it. I did ALL
I totally get it.
I did ALL of the driving when SD was little and BM had primary. My DH worked a lot of hours, so the pickup/dropoff was left to me.
It was TWO HOURS round trip. I had 3 children younger than SD.
No, it's not fair. Believe me, I get it. If you just want to whine about it, that's cool and that's a totally different thing.
But in this situation, you and DH are the ones doing the "wrong" thing. There's a court order. Simple. Abide by it.
If BM agrees to the half day camp, she wants you to watch them in the afternoon, correct? If the kids go to the camp she's chosen, then they're watched all day, correct?
Does BM work?
It sounds like you want camp in YOUR town so it's close and convenient to YOU. YOU want it because it's only half day and it's cheaper.
BM is saying, look, if you want half day, fine, but you have to watch them in the afternoons on my time, too. Seems reasonable to me as it will likely cost her more to find separate care for the afternoons in addition to the half day camp.
You can't go against the court order to do everything you want that's convenient for you, and then say the other party is being vile.
That's something a loco BM would do.
Please understand that all we
Please understand that all we want is to be able to have skids attend half-day camp WHILE IN DH'S CUSTODY.
Nothing this woman has done over the years has been motivated by anything other than her hatred and spite. She has made up lies, alienated, and done whatever she could dream up to make things difficult for DH. He simply wants to be able to have his kids do what suits us WHEN THEY ARE IN HIS CUSTODY. We don't give a flying fig WHAT they do while in her custody.
Is DH wanting her to pay half
Is DH wanting her to pay half of "his" camp?
Nope.
Nope.
Well, then, don't know what
Well, then, don't know what her problem is. :?
No, I don't say anything.
No, I don't say anything. Their CO is between them. DH doesn't say that camp MUST be in his town. He says that he wants the right to do with his kids what is right for him when they are in his custody.
don't worry about it, MJL.
don't worry about it, MJL. hrnyc likes to throw in qualifiers that were not in the comment she is quoting all the time.
Brutal on here! Hot
:jawdrop:
Brutal on here! Hot topic!
Thanks for the back.
Generally sibs do not care,
Generally sibs do not care, and for stepsibs they may care even less. It's nice to have them all in one place.
It's hard if you are a person, especially a woman, a mother, with children of your own, and used to being master of your own destiny and pretty much calling the shots. The presence of stepchildren often means not being able to do that in the way you're accustomed to calling them.
You are probably right that overall going to half day camp and spending the afternoon with you is probably a fine idea. However, there is a previous agreement and a CO in place and you don't get to just ignore those things and tell the other parent how it's going to be.
At least once you get it straightened out this summer, in the future you shouldn't have this particular problem.
Exactly!! That is why he has
Exactly!! That is why he has filed for this change of circumstance, which he should have done last summer, except for the fact that it worked last summer. He never should have thought that she would settle down or do things the same way twice.
Hugley, you know our kids?
Hugley, you know our kids? Wow- that's amazing, that you know how they feel about the issue. Get facts straight please.
I absolutely have control issues and so does filthy bitch- BUT all DH and I are asking is that they attend both camps during the summer, different weeks, the same way they did last year.
Well, I'm glad you admitted
Well, I'm glad you admitted to the control issues.
YES, it's unfair that BM doesn't have to drive. The kid's school is around the corner from her and she drives a mile to work.
You and DH have miles of driving to do.
It isn't fair.
Life isn't fair.
It sounds like your whole issue is the fact that BM isn't willing to drive what YOU think she should. Guess what? She doesn't have to. It's the unfairness of the CO and the fact that your DH willingly signed it! If you want to be upset with someone, be upset with him. He's the fool who agreed to the CO. BM is just insisting y'all stick to what's ordered.
Speechless. Have fun. I hope
Speechless. Have fun. I hope things get better for you and the stepmom you're dealing with. Or I guess I should say for your ex and his new wife, whose lives you are likely making miserable- you are a BM, no?
Psst, Ripley... you're 3
Psst, Ripley... you're 3 hours late.
LOL.
Check the time stamps!
Good job MJL2010! They'll try
Good job MJL2010! They'll try to make you lose your integrity on this site every time (probably over a few bottles of wine as they dig their claws in)! = )
(No subject)
Bookish, thank you so much.
Bookish, thank you so much. BM's awful attacks have made anything that these people can dish out. As mean and cantankerous as some of them are, no one on here at least so far even comes close to BM's level of awfulness, filth, and NPD. For every BM-posing-as-a-stepmom on here, there are two or three kind supportive ones like us!!
Wow so I'm a little late I
Wow so I'm a little late I just read all the responses.
Goodness people love to repeat themselves don't they? I often wonder about people who constantly repeat themselves you can't force another person to agree with you...but I digress..
So what I got from your post is you DH is filing for a change of circumstance because his ex isn't reasonable enough to work out something with your DH regarding their summer care because she's crazy.
I will say that life isn't fair but your BM sounds nuts-she'll eventually hang herself. Ours did. She's always moving around and trying to force us to drive hours to take SS back and forth to school. She couldn't leave well enough alone and she ended up getting SS kicked out of the school in her district. His state ID has OUR address on it because we pay for the sports and we needed it to prove age or whatever. The school considers DH the custodial parent because of the state ID even though the CO says 50/50 we've already notified her we were moving to the other end of the county which is about 15 mins from her house and the school will be about 20 mins from her house. So now she can drive him to school and I don't feel bad for her. We would have left him in that school. She wouldn't stop changing DH's address and phone# (trying to prevent the school from contacting him) and so DH went up there with his ID showing our address as well as SS's ID and it got changed back but they decided that SS had to go to the school in our district. I really want her to take us to court over this.
ANYWAY Hang in there hun.