I would be having a long conversation with her about her favortism. Then I would tell her if she can not include all, she gets none. You have to get DH to back you up. Why the hell didn't he say anything to his mother.

I'm sorry sweetie.

The way you handled it with him was nice though - instead of him feeling excluded in one home, he felt wanted in the other. I wouldn't talk to her about it, she knew how you felt and didn't feel the need to reconsider. You should probably do something special with him if you can - just the two of you.

Well I am confused, this has not happened to me but to my mom ....ok my brother has 6 kids in his home: two of the girls are from 2 diffrent moms, he has 1 son with current wife. The other three are his wives kids from another **encounter**,

my mom sometimes only wants to spend time with the two girls, because for the longest time due to problems with thier mom and my brother nobody in the family got to see these 2 girls grow up, my brother went to court and finally got custody of the both of them.

But **the wife** will not let the girls come over and visit my mom unless she takes all the kids, I dont think that is fair! My brother is not the father of those kids, so naturally my mom does not have a bond with them.. now sometimes she goes over to thier home and plays games with all the kids, but because the two girls went through so much growing up, my mom just wants to let them know that they were and are loved .....

My mom would not dare keep my DH kids, but she would keep OUR two boy we have together....one reason why is because they dont listen that well and would complain that they are bored! The boys grandparents from thier mom would not call and ask to keep our boys, ......its just a big mess people should be able to spend time with whomever they want

DS isn't DH's child, right? Yours from before?

I think it's unfair for SMs to want to treat their own children differently than their steps and expect everyone else to treat them all the same.

My personal feelings is that you should treat all kids the same...whether you're BM, BD, SM, SD, or grandparents.
However, many posters on here disagree. That being the case, I believe whatever you choose should be consistent. So, if you choose to treat the kids differently, then there's NO reason why others shouldn't follow suit.

That said, I feel badly for your son. I know my parents always treated SD like their own grandchild. It was a little tough at first, but now they are all very close.

It was definitely wrong of her to exclude. I do like how you explained it to him - no need for him to feel the total wrath of whatever issues this woman has.

Again, another fine example of the kids getting caught in the middle of things. When I was younger, 1/2 siblings weren't 1/2 siblings - they were siblings, that was it. Kids were all treated equal regardless, you were either family or you weren't. Now a days, people really do emphasize the division and separation of whose kids are whose.

Which is a big contributor to so many children with "Issues".

I agree with the op that Mil should have waited til her ds was not there as all it did was hurt a LITTLE BOY! Not his fault. I get that we shouldn't expect others to treat all kids the same as we don;t do that ourselves however we can do what we can to make sure we don;t hurt the kids involved. That is what is upsetting to the op as I understand how she feels.

Just like I had to make my mom stop giving my kids presents in front of skids. I can't make her buy for my skids but I can make her wait til we don't have them. Same concept.

Op I think this is where you need to start talking to your dh about how she needs to do things like this when your ds is not around. You can't make her treat your ds the same but you can make sure she doesn't hurt him.

I don't understand hurting a child--or even taking the chance that you might in the interests of "taking care of your OWN."

In our case, DH's brother had 3 kids-- 2 boys and a girl. He is dead now. Right after his split from his ex, she had another baby. Now she's remarried and has yet another kid. The 4th kid--a 7 yo girl--is the only one without other family. The 3 oldest go to DH's relatives once a year by airplane to visit. That's all they can afford to pay for (BM doesn't pay a dime she's a whole nother story). We understand that. It's over $1,000 to send those kids.

We had DH's niece over and included 4th child. She's the cutest thing. Smart with a scientific bent of mind. Adorable. Lovable. She calls DH "Uncle" like the older ones. I will never leave her out.

If your MIL is doing this in a way that deliberately makes a point to exclude your son, then she's an unfeeling bitch. I've been lucky, my in-laws (in more than one marriage) have totally accepted and loved my kids as their own. In my second marriage, both were unrelated to my EX. My MIL didn't care and considered them grandchildren. She's a wonderful woman.

My own mother treats BD14 and SS14 different these days BUT that really is due to SS behavior!! He is very cold to her and ignores her when she is around. He has spent the night at her house several times when my brother and his kids are in town. SS runs around like a crazy kid and doesn't follow the rules the other kids do! My mom came to me and told me she could'nt deal with SS behavior and she didn't want him to stay the night. I told her then BD wouldn't be able to either but then I realized I shouldn't punish BD for SS behavior! SS was told to behave and if he didn't he would no longer be allowed to stay over.

SS only cares about "equal" treatment when it comes to presents otherwise he doesn't give a crap. My mother always gets him a Christmas/Birthday gift but certainly doesn't go out of her way especially because he never thanks her!!

I used to push for equal treatment from my family but I no longer do that! I think if SS would have treated my mother like his own GM as she was expected to treat him like her GS things would be different!

We are a his, mine, and ours family. Dh has ss13, I have dd13, ds12, and we have dd9. The only one my inlaws have anything to do with is ss13. He is currently residing there. I couldnt care less if they have nothing to do with my dd and ds. They have completely awesome grandparents (my mom and dad)and dont need them. Sadly their bio father is deceased as is his parents-so they have NO other side of the family other than mine. It would have been nice if inlaws would have taken more of interest especially since my kids were only 1 and 2 when we met-but again that boat has sailed and at this point it's way too late for them to even try and turn things around (not that they are interested in that). My kids dont get their feelings hurt-they just accept it as is-it was a little harder when they were younger and ss13 would get a nintendo ds for his bday from them and they would get nothing-but they are old enough to grasp that this is just the way they are.

My dd9 is a different story-this is their bio granddaughter but they've not spent more than 5 minutes with her in years. Yet they welcome ss13 into their home and he lives there. Wow. And they dont even seem to see that there is problem with it-in fact if I mentioned it they would act shocked that I would even think they are playing favorites. She also gets nothing for birthdays, xmas. Just ss. While ss lived with bm-mil would drive a total of 6 hours eowe to pick him up and keep him-but would not drive 15 minutes to see her other grandchild.

It's ridiculous-but I try not to say much to dh because at this point I do not even want them to have anything to do with our dd.

Ok so back on topic with positivity!!! I agree GM should take DS just to make things fair but also understand why she would leave him out. Maybe she doesn't have a connection with him and maybe doesn't want to for whatever reason. Sucky situation but I think you handled it well. Just kind of stings when it happens. Sorry you are going through that. See? Not all members are evil. I don't feel the need to spew negativity to keep myself entertained at others expense.