I refuse....
I'm tired so I don't know if this will make much sense... :?
I refuse to participate in whatever mind game it is that BM plays where she spews her lies to someone and just because they don't respond to it makes her absence, her lack of interest and her lack of support for her kids okay.
It's like the second she is able to make up a reason that to her, "justifies" her complete and total absence from these children's lives and say it to someone-regardless of how they respond-just the fact that she said it- immediately makes it true and releases her from any guilt. It's like if she cries while trying to convince you of her lies, it makes it all okay and she's free and clear.
I won't listen to it anymore.
I want her to lose sleep.
I want her to cry.
I want to make sure that I do everything in my power to make sure that she is as restless as her son.
So today when she texted me about how "couldn't thank me enough for what I do" and to let me know that my mother's day gift was on it's way, she haphazardly tagged on asking what SS wants for his birthday.
I told her I appreciated her attempt, but all SS wants for his birthday is his mom. His mom that I cannot, will not nor do I aspire to be at any point in time whatsoever. I am totally 100% on board with my role as his step-mom. I told her he does not want her lies, or excuses or broken promises. And if she wants to "thank me" for all that I do for this kid she can make sure I don't have to watch him hurt any more. That I don't have to console him while he cries asking me to take care of his mother's Mother's Day plant until he sees her again.
I laid the guilt trip on thick.
And it didn't freaking matter.
She texted SO asking him to call her so she can talk with him and then speak to SS. She then told him every night from now on she was calling between 7-7:30 no matter what. When SO told her he had nothing to say to her and she could call SS as she said she would she called at 7:25 and spoke to SS for a total of 1 minute. After blowing him off on Mother's Day. 1 measly minute. She spent an hour typing and erasing her response to my text.
The saddest part? SS was over the moon that she called.
I just snorted my eucalyptus anti-stress crap.
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Comments
The funny thing is, that as
The funny thing is, that as someone who went through this myself with a parent, it needs to be SS's choice.
If SO or I put a stop to her contact for her (because she can't and wont be consistent) and SS grows up and finds out, well I can't imagine that going too well. And it won't take the pain away. It won't make her absence and lack of interest any less painful. It will just allow us to forget about her-he won't forget about her. He worked out on his own how many months it's been since he's seen her.
I was where he was when I was his age. As much is this sucks and as much as my knee jerk reaction is to do just that-bubble wrap him and shield him from the cruel and unfair world we live in-he needs to work though this. He needs to learn from this.
I am better because I struggled. He will be too. It's a painful lesson, but an important one.
I walked away from my Dad for over 10 years.
My sister had kept in contact with him the entire time.
For me, I needed to walk away from the negativity. I wanted to focus on other things.
For her, you don't walk away from your family, especially when they're difficult-you love them harder.
It all worked out for all 3 of us in the end. My relationship with my Dad is doing well. Hers has improved. But we each made the choice that was right for us.
I want SS to have that opportunity. I think that in a round about way, we are where we are so I could facilitate it. If it were solely up to his father SS wouldn't see BM again.
From a legal standpoint, you
From a legal standpoint, you never want to go on record saying you will obstruct any contact she deigns to make with her child, ever.
I feel your response is
I feel your response is exactly what she needed to hear. Will she actually changed her behavior? I wouldn't hold my breath. You are his stepmom which I'm sure means you love him and it does hurt that his mom won't be the parent she should. No reason for you to make her feel better. That's not your job. Your job should you continue to chose it is to help you step son.
You go.
block BM from contacting
block BM from contacting you...... that will get her to cry, she will have no alternative but to contact her own son...
I would simply disengage from this woman, I owe her nothing