Morning routines
Ok this is my first post and not worst issue but today it's bugging me. We have a different schedule with our kids. My 2 Alternate weekly (50/50) and his one child is Tuesday and weds and alternating weekends. So it came up as an issue today that I didn't wake up with them to help get ready for school. Mind you she's 8 and he just has to make breakfast. Have her get dressed and get ready. He says I should be waking up and helping each time. When we need actual help we ask each other. Like for an early drop off or illness etc. but hey today I'd like to get up at 7-7:30 because I can and I don't have to get my kids ready for school. He normally wakes up and will have a cup of cofffee if I'm getting my kids ready but i wouldn't care if he stayed in bed (and he has at times). Why is this a big deal!? Or am I being selfish. I was up late and tired and had no obligations right away in the am
There is absolutely no reason
There is absolutely no reason for you to 'help' get someone else's 8 yo child ready for school. She is perfectly capable at that age of getting up and ready as well as getting her own breakfast. Why does he want to hold back her development? Not to mention - why does he want you to shoulder HIS parenting duties?
Why would a grown man need
Why would a grown man need your help getting his own kid up, ready, and out the door?
You are not being selfish, he's being a baby.
Um - he can get his own dang
Um - he can get his own dang kid ready in the morning.
Ok I’m not alone on this
Yea grown man. Capable kid! But we're "family"now. So how do you gently remind him haha.
"Your daughter, you
"Your daughter, you responsibility. My children, my responsibility."
Being "family" doesn't mean being joined at the hip at all possible moments.
Oh please. As if parents in
Oh please. As if parents in an intact family do everything together all the time.
Just tell him you'd like to sleep in when your kids aren't here, and he can do the same when his kids aren't here. If he wants to get up and help you, that's his choice - but you won't be getting up to help him.
He says I should be waking up
He says I should be waking up and helping each time.
How about HE gets his lazy @ss up in the morning and tend to HIS kids. His KIDS, his responsibility. Don't you start setting the trend of doing this and allow him to think he can get away with it.
Shut this nonsense down now OP, your kids are big and you deserve your time to sleep in or do whatever you choose. He doesn't like it oh well, he better get use to it.
The nerve!
Did he explain WHY you should
Did he explain WHY you should be getting up and helping every time? Are a grown man and an 8 year old incapable of getting her out the door on their own? Does he just want your company in the morning because you have limited time together? Does he want to get you used to being up and helping so he can abdicate his duties in the near future? I'd be really curious to know.
I do get up and help my skids get onto the bus every morning, but it's because DH leaves for work at 6:30, before the skids are even awake. The flip side of that is that he's usually home by 4 to help with homework, baby and keeping skids out of the way while I make dinner. I'd rather handle mornings and have help in the evening.
Why should you have to
Why should you have to "gently remind" him that his daughter is his responsibility? Just because he married you, does not make her your problem. She is still HIS responsibility, just as your kids, are your responsibility.
Asking for help now and then, when things get overwhelming, or something comes up, or whatever, is one thing, but he has his kid 2 DAYS during the week. This would seriously irritate me.
He normally wakes up and will have a cup of coffee if I'm getting my kids ready but i wouldn't care if he stayed in bed (and he has at times).
So, it's okay for him to sit on his ass drinking coffee (or stay in bed) but YOU had better get up and help him with an 8 year old?
I do not like it when people use the "we're family, now" to manipulate people into doing what they want them to do, namely taking over THEIR own responsibilities. So, tell him, "Yes, we're family but we still each have our own kids that we should be responsible for, barring extenuating circumstances."
His laziness in the morning is not an extenuating circumstance.
I agree, his kid, his to deal
I agree, his kid, his to deal with. If he wants to get up and help with yours, fine. If you want to occasionally help with his, great. Again, totally your individual decisions. I guess since he usually gets up with you, he thought you would/should do the same with you.
Might be a time to have a talk about expectations (when everyone's calm).
If he insists that you need to get up and help with his daughter, or pulls the "family" card, you can always say, (nonchalantly and with kindness), "Hmm. I hear what you're saying. So, maybe we need to have a schedule. We can alternate days -- regardless of kids. We take turns every other day getting whatever kids are here up, ready and out the door. If the 'off' parent wants to get up and help or just hang out with coffee, that's their choice."
Now, in that scenario, he ends up helping your kids more than you help his, but it fits into the "we're family" theme he's trying to stick with. He might start to rethink his position.
Lol somebodies got his
Lol somebodies got his panties in a twist because he didn't get to sleep in...darn should of thought of that before he got all gung ho not using protection with his ex and producing an offspring!
Thanks for all the comments and advice
I say gently because he is a morning person and I am not. The chances of him being up are more likely and if I asked for help he would do it. But I have a 13 yr old who gets himself ready. And my other is 8 so again it's just moving her sleepy butt to go brush teeth etc. I don't need help. We've fought over this before and it seems so stupid honestly. Unless like others have said if he needed to leave earlier than normal. In those cases I have stepped in or picked up from school
Just tell him point blank: No
Just tell him point blank: No. I won't be helping you get your kid ready in the morning, I need the extra sleep, and then get on with it.
It very much sounds as if he
It very much sounds as if he wants to engage your help so that he can weasel out of his responsibilities. How hard is getting an 8 yo ready in the morning?
Okay, so he knows you are not
Okay, so he knows you are not a morning person, why does he insist that you get up? Tell him you need that extra sleep and is it also a great time for he and his daughter to have some time together.
You've fought over this before, what did you tell him, then? I would tell him one final time, however you want to put it, and then I would be done discussing this, it's stupid. It's his kid, he can get her ready for school.
What did he do before you two
What did he do before you two got together? Did he hire someone to come in and "help" him while he sat on his hiney and drank coffee???
The kid is EIGHT. She should be able to make herself a bowl of cereal or toast a bagel/waffle. She is certainly capable of dressing herself.
I call BS on him needing help. He doesn't need help. He wants YOU to take care of HIS kid. Period.Dot.
Nope. You are not being
Nope. You are not being selfish. He is.
He appears to be embracing the "Share the pain" model rather than the responsible BioParent model.
Stay in bed.