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Annoyed

mommaneedstovent's picture

Submitted by mommaneedstovent on Wed, 08/05/2015 - 1:44pm

SO has been trying to finalize divorce for a year now. I'm not sure why it should take this long. Well, I take that back. The BM of course wanted everything under the sun given to her. She would let the skid stay at our house anytime so we documented that he would never spend more than 8 days with her a month. SO's atty sent a proposal to see if they could agree amicably but BM would always take forever before responding with another ridiculous proposal. She wants full child support but wants to split the time one week on and off. Which we new wouldn't happen and she'd just live it up with the money and no kid. He sent a rejection to that and clearly stated that the boy had been with us the majority of the time and SO would get custody, pay insurance and medical with no help required from her. Plus she could still have him every other week. But,now at stand still again waiting for her response. I call bull shit because it's a simple yes or no or lets go to court. Here's the kicker, the skid, who is 15 finally had the blindfold removed from his eyes and sees that mommy dearest only was interested in money and is bat shit crazy! He now wants to live with us. Ok! Well I thought that's all we needed to tell our atty. apparently not. Atty says that we still need to wait to hear back from BM side. Why wouldn't they just be able to contact BM side and say this is the deal... Sign off or we'll go to court and let judge talk to kid and decide.
I'm just annoyed and venting. Sad

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Journey1983's picture

Submitted by Journey1983 on Wed, 08/05/2015 - 8:45pm

I can relate and I agree with Annith- the longer it takes, the more she will end up with. When I met SO he was separated for a year. BM dragged out mediation for 2 years. Every time they went to mediation, she would cry and the mediator would feel sorry for her and ask SO to give in. He'd give in, the agreement would be written, she would sit on it for a while then disagree with it. She believed she was "getting screwed." Then the process would start all over again with mediation; she would cry; mediator would feel sorry for her and ask him to give in; he'd give in; agreement would be written; she would sit on it; then disagree because she was "getting screwed." What a vicious cycle.

Even when he gave in to most of her demands and the only thing left was alimony and visitation, which he refused to give in to, she would come up with more until there was almost nothing left to take. It took almost 3 years and they still ended up in front of a judge because she felt she was being screwed and wanted a judge to decided. SO was ordered to pay all martial debt (except her car payment), which he had already agreed to during mediation and pay $35K a year, for four years, for CS and alimony. Yep - you read that right - $35,000 a year. SO had very little left over to live on.

Now that she is not getting CS or alimony, she is trying to guilt him into paying for all of their youngest child's college. He refused so she started telling him he is a piece of crap (which she does every time he refuses to go along with what she wants) and says "as usual I'll take care of our children because you refuse to." She conveniently forgot that he paid for 3 years of college for their oldest, and he has paid the first year of college for their youngest. 4 years of college he has paid and he is a piece of crap father who refuses to take care of his children? Hmmm....maybe she should part with, or should have saved some of that $140K she got knowing that college cannot be court ordered in our state.

In the end, I finally figured out what she was up to. She was holding out for a larger percentage of his retirement. The longer they were married, the more she would get. I asked him why he didn't go after her retirement and he said she told the judge that she cashed hers out because she needed money to live on. What SO didn't know, and his attorney didn't tell him or speak up while they were in court, BM could NOT have cashed out her retirement without his consent. I told him either she lied to the judge or she forged his signature on the paperwork when she cashed out her retirement. He refused to do anything about it and said he was glad it was finally over.

Tell your SO to work it out as best he can, but don't give up what is most important to him