Thursday nights
Good afternoon everyone,
I am new to this site as well as being a soon to be SM. My fiance and I have 6 kids together. I have 4 Biological and he has 2. Only 1 of his children live near by so he has the ability to have her on Thursday nights from 6-8. Thursday nights all 4 of mine go to they BF. I understand him wanting some "date" nights with his BD, but at same time it bothers me. I do not take my children out for date nights, if we go out we go as a family. I find myself getting upset on Thursdays because he takes her out to eat or whatever every Thursday. We do not (very very rarely) go out to eat, it is expensive to feed 7 people, I get it. I cook every night after working 50+ hours a week, we sit down as a family 99% of the time together. I also, want to teach my children that we are a family, we are merging as one and water can be as thick as blood. I understand, his BD isnt with us as much due to custody arrangement (standard possesion) and would be fine if they had a "date" once a month on Thursdays. I fight with it because the last thing I want is to be jealous of the kids relationship, but at the same time it sucks. He rarely has time for or desire to go on a date with me..... HELP.... advice.....anything.... am I the only one who has felt this way?
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So he only sees his kid on
So he only sees his kid on Thursdays from 6-8? No other days? That's only 8hrs a month.
No we get her 8 nights a
No we get her 8 nights a month and the additional 4 nights 6-8
First, do your kids live with
First, do your kids live with you the majority of the time? What other visitation does he get with his daughter?
Are you wanting him to just not take her out to a restaurant, or are you wanting him to not have this visitation with her in general?
No I want him to have her,
No I want him to have her, even more if we could we get her 8 nights a month plus every thursday 6-8.... but it does bother me that on those nights he makes it him and her only....
Take advantage of the time to
Take advantage of the time to yourself and treat yourself on Thursday nights, even if it is just vegging in front of Netflix and eating junk food! I would die for this kind of alone time.
I think that is the issue, we
I think that is the issue, we have no date nights.....
I feel like I have
I feel like I have communicated it to him.....I simply don't believe in a division in family. We should have her on thursday nights..... yes here and there do the daddy daughter thing but all in all a family is a unit and more than anything has to be portrayed to the kids in that manner.
Edited: this is posted in two
Edited: this is posted in two places, forum and a blog.
Is he spending his money to take his daughter out or is he spending your money to take his daughter out?
Are you mad he doesn't take you and your 4 kids out and pay for the meal?
Are you mad that you can't afford to take your own 4 kids out to eat on the night he is out with his daughter?
Yes he spends his money. No,
Yes he spends his money.
No, I am not mad he doesnt take me and my four out and pay for the meal.... that was never stated nor implied.... when we do go out which is rarely many times I pay for everyones.
If you read the whole thing you will see that I dont have my 4 kids on thursday nights.
My point is this.... when we go out to eat, we go as a family, me, my 4, him and if we have his daughter her....... I am hard core in the fact that I believe we are merging two families into one and would not up on a Wednesday night say hey me and the kids are going to eat and leave him home. I would at least invite him.... there shouldnt be a division in family.
It seems you and your husband
It seems you and your husband have different ideas. That is ok. They are both valid points of view. Finding a middle ground is what you two need to be working towards.
LOL, I'd be careful what you
LOL, I'd be careful what you wish for, most of us would be happy as a lark if our soon to be hubby didn't bring the kid to the house on a night that your kids are gone.
I guess I am lost on what the issue is really. Just because you wouldn't leave him at home and take your kids to eat without obviously doesn't mean he will do the same. And why wouldn't you take your kids out to eat without him for some one on one mom time? Are your kids with you all the time whereas his daughter isn't? If your kids are gone on Thursday night then the issue isn't really a "division in family" as much as it is him not inviting you to come along.
I think that no date nights
I think that no date nights for you two is not good for your relationship and should be addressed. I do think that if he can afford to and wants to take his kid out then that is up to him to do.
Firstly I think your
Firstly I think your expectations as a blended family are overly ambitious and you'll wear yourself out trying to make water thicker than blood But you do you. As for the date nights, why don't you use Thursday night as a night to have with a girlfriend or treat yourself to a book in a cafe or movie? You trying to push him to end his "dating his daughter" crap is only going to make you look bad and set you up for hurt feelings. So realign yourself, focus on YOU; make Thursday about doing something you like to do. You are so focused on what he is doing with her you are wasting precious alone time so many others would love to have.
Even in intact families that
Even in intact families that are made of "blood" it is not unusual for a parent to spend one-on-one time with just one child. I think you are being unrealistic to expect your SD to spend all of her time with your kids and her Dad. Personally, I see nothing wrong with DH and SD spending 2 hours together once a week.
His one child probably feels
His one child probably feels outnumbered with all of you so he's trying to spend some one-on-one time with her. Given your expectations of a blended family, you likely expect him to focus equally on all kids, which means your 4 get equal attention as his 1, which isn't fair. His kid comes to see dad - and she deserves that special time - NOT shared with your 4 kids all the time. He takes her out when your 4 kids aren't there because he's probably annoyed at the idea of fighting about it and he's trying to find a workaround to make sure his daughter gets time with him.
Maybe you should try to
Maybe you should try to switch one of the nights. As your kids go to there father on Wednesday. So you can have your date night on Wednesday and he can see his daughter on Thursday. Getting sitters can cost more than date night !!! Bin there
Date night is important for couples, I understand it's not him taking his daughter to diner It's not having a date night when your kids are away so there no sitter cost, ant no worries
Or just send the kids to bed
Or just send the kids to bed half an hour early and have an adult date night at home. I am not sure how playing make believe with kids counts as adults having alone time, though I am sure the kids would like it if they are the right age.