I love my SS, can't stand my SD....HELP!
My husband and I are a blended family. He had 2 children and I had one coming into our marriage. Our girls are only 2 months apart in age, our son is 4, and we have a son together that will be here in a few weeks. I LOVE my SS but my SD is a little monster!
She is obviously jealous of me and my daughters relationship with her father. We will all be sitting on the couch and she will try to come sit between us. It doesn't help when my husband let's her get away with it. I have expressed some things to him and he has adjusted his behavior but I feel like I am the one constantly disciplining her on my own.
She has SUCH an ugly disposition! She'll haul off and hit my daughter for no reason when she thinks no one is looking. She walks up and just takes toys from her brother and my daughter for no reason. Both of them are so sweet that they just think they're sharing, I have to make her give it back because they won't.
She does things like when we go to his moms she will ask her gma for water/juice and I'll say no because it's too late or she didn't eat all of her food, whatever. She will ignore me and keep asking her gma, it's like she thinks she doesn't have to listen to me. Mind you she is only TWO!
Everything about her irritates me. I don't even think she's cute because her personality is so ugly to me. My situation isn't easy because my SC bio mother isn't around. My SS has only known me since he was 2 and my SD has only known me since she was 4 months. So, in their eyes I am mommy, I don't call them my SC, I only am now for the sake of this post. So I can't write her off as "not my child, not my problem" because she is my child. My husband knows she irritates me and I feel bad that she does but I don't know what to do. It's like her just being around irritates me. I have to discipline her about the same things EVERYDAY! But then it's a catch 22 because disciplining her usually blows up in my face at some point when my husband and I argue about it. He thinks I discipline her too severely compared to my other children but she is the most disobedient, disrespectful, and devious of them all.
I could go on and on with examples but I don't want to make this too long. Can someone please tell me how do I cope? I can't send her "home" this IS her home, I AM mommy, and I just don't know what to do anymore.
- mommaTina's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Yea..sounds pretty normal to
Yea..sounds pretty normal to me. where is her bio mom?
her bio mom walked out on my
her bio mom walked out on my husband when she was 2 months old and his son was only 2 yrs old. I came into the picture shortly after. their bio mom isn't involved in any way at all, she just doesn't want to be. *shrug*
Yeah, everyone that doesn't
Yeah, everyone that doesn't know her says "she's being two" everyone that DOES know her intimately don't really care for her. She has TONS of time with dad because he and I both work from home. As far as alone time, no, but she has 3 siblings, so that's never going to happen. She is ravished with attention from dad, same as all the other children are. So, she isn't neglected. What I don't get is that she is the ONLY child that acts this way. My BD is 2 yrs as well and doesn't just hit, take from people, whine for no reason, does devious things. For instance, she knows going in people's purses is not tolerated. Last week while at my moms she went into someone's purse, took candy out, and snuck around the corner to try to eat it but I caught her. I don't know that to be normal behavior for a 2 yr old. That's too "developed" in her bad behavior to me, but she and her siblings are all being raised in the same environment so I don't understand why only SHE does things like this. Another example, this morning she was crying and having a tantrum about being on the potty, so I just sent her to her room to have a timeout. She yells and screams and cries for daddy the whole time until she woke him. My daughter is very loving and will reach to embrace her or hold her hand and she will shun her but if she wants to hold my daughters hand and my daughter doesn't want to she will cry and whine to daddy like my daughter did something really mean to her! She'll ask me for something or get in trouble for something and she cries for daddy like she thinks he will give her a different answer than I did. She is manipulative, even at 2 and has been this way since she could talk, at about 14 months. She is the child that you say "don't do that" and she'll look at you while she does it anyway. She is intentionally defiant, not just behaving badly. I praise her siblings good behavior. And it has only grown worse as she has gotten older, so I'm not encouraged that she will "grow out of it" she seems to be growing INTO it! And like I said our other 2 yr old is NOT the same way. I try to ignore her bad behavior that isn't discipline necessary to not give negative reinforcement to it but even that doesn't help. I feel like she has all the same benefits as the other children but she just acts out far more than they do and that makes me not like her. It's like your friends children, the well behaved, nice, sweet children are more loveable than your friend who's children are constantly misbehaving. My husband acknowledges that she is defiant but it doesn't irritate him like it does me and I can only think it's because it's his BD.
you know I think a lot of it
you know I think a lot of it has to do with that first two months. she wasn't really loved on. bless my husbands heart but he isn't really the "hold a baby" type, he treats them like they're adults already about some things. where as my daughter was hugged, kissed, cuddled, all of that in the first two months of life. SD has always been colicky.
she never gets a different answer unless she asks daddy and he doesn't know I already told her no, like if he is in another room.
he never says that directly but he will say things like "I don't know why mommy is always fussing at you" I never address it in front of her because I don't feel like that is appropriate but I have told him that she acts how she does partly because he makes undermining comments in her presence that reinforce her behavior. in his defense he has made an effort to stop doing that and when she does the jealousy things he will not allow her to get away with it but some things he caves on and I don't think he realizes the consequences of it.
like earlier today when she was in time out we let her come out and she started fighting with her siblings right away. she went into our room and was messing with something my husband saw her and sent her out. so she cried and whined and cried until he called her back in the room and let her get our bed while he worked. like, he THOUGHT he was punishing her, but he was giving her exactly what she wanted.
I actually have thought about
I actually have thought about getting family counseling. Some type of parenting classes or something because it's so hard and I hate feeling that way toward her.
I can understand exactly
I can understand exactly where you are coming from. I have a SD3 who is the same way. Her mother is also out of the picture and she calls me momma. Everytime i hear her call me that I want to scream "I am not your mother". Everyone else thinks she is so cute, but they don't have to live with her. She definitely acts differently around other people than she does at home. I never thought I could dislike a child as much as I do her. She will get up in the middle of the night & take food to her room, and then look at you and say "I didn't do that" while you are picking up the wrapper off her floor. She steals from my BD8 and from me and all her dad says to her is "Don't do that again". UGH it drives me crazy! I wish I had some great advice for you, but I don't. Just know that you are not alone in how you feel and what you are going through.
OMGEE yes! I forgot to
OMGEE yes! I forgot to mention that she still sleeps with the rail on her bed because she won't stay in it. She will get up in the middle of the night and play, in the morning get up and go through my purse, take things out of the fridge. Whereas our other 2 yr old has slept without her rail for at least 6-7 months now. Our other 2 yr old and our 4 yr old will get up and get a toy and get back in the bed if they wake up before us and play quietly but she gets up and meddles so we have to restrict her freedom. It bothers me so much because I don't WANT to always be disciplining her but I know some things I have to address.
I know children need consistent discipline to change but how many times do I have to tell you not to go through someone's purse before you stop doing it?!
She does this obnoxious thing of only wanting something because my BD has it or wants it. The other night we came in late and my BD wanted something to eat again before bed. My SD hadn't eaten her dinner and my BD wanted it so I told her to sit down to eat it, then all of a sudden my SD wanted it. So I made my BD a sandwich only for my SD to NOT eat her food anyway! Like she only wanted it because my BD did. The other day at lunch my SS and BD wanted spaghetti but my SD wanted a sandwich. I asked her FOUR times if she was sure because I know how she does. Then when I served them their food she whined and cried because I wouldn't give her spaghetti seeing as I had already asked four times and made her a sandwich like she asked for.
I love her, it's her behavior that makes me not like her. I cringe when she wakes up in the mornings because I anticipate the lack of peace for the rest of my day. Ugh, I'm glad you understand though I am sorry that you're in the same situation as myself.