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H has been trying to "guilt parent" ME?!

mommylove's picture

I reached a startling revelation yesterday: the reason H gets so upset when I get on him about his financial contribution to the household and OUR child is because he cannot understand why I am simply not satisfied with the unneeded, unrequested "gifts" he gets me and the dining out excursions he "treats" us to! In other words...the typical "guilty parenting" approach to gaining someone's approval!

Ugh! I am not a child nor SD's BM who is just to wrapped up in herself to care what H does for SD! I am a GROWN WOMAN, a WIFE, and a MOTHER and I CAN'T BE "BOUGHT"!

Now I'm thinking I should gather up all of the useless jewelry that he bought me that I NEVER wear (because it never seemed to occur to him that I'm just not a "jewelry" kind of gal even when after each jewelry "gift" I'd kindly thank him and then add it to the pile of jewelry still in its original boxes collecting dust on the dresser) and pawning it for the money! A shame though because you never even get NEARLY what you paid for that kind of stuff, but had he bothered to pay attention to my likes and dislikes or even ASK me before buying these things I would've told him I would rather he just contributed to the mortgage payment for a change!

Comments

Pantera's picture

I get NOTHING. From my perspective, you should be happy. I would love gifts out of nowhere and a dining experience every once in a while, lol.

happymostly's picture

me and my dh just recently got done reading a book together called the 5 love languages, and one of the 'love languages' was gift giving. That might be his primary 'love language' (something that he likes to get, how he feels love) and he might think that is what you like. Its a pretty good book. Some of the other love languages are touching, words of affirmation and acts/services. I know mine is definitely not gift giving either. I dont really like jewelry and I get annoyed by wearing it (besides my wedding ring).

justbdais's picture

DH and I read that book when we got married. I was thinking the same thing as you. It does sound as if that is his primary love language.

mommylove's picture

Oh these WERE ALL gifts for BDay, Moms Day, Xmas, etc., NOT "just because", & there's usually no "thought" behind them other than having to run out & get me something the day before or day of these occasions. Never wrapped, usually no cards.

Heck, I'm the ONLY one who's EVER bought & wrapped gifts for the children INCLUDING SDs (HIS children) for BDays & Xmas. The two times we had SD for her BDay I bought her a cake, card & balloons. Were it not for me the children would never have BDay parties or wrapped gifts for any occasion. H just takes them out to the store to pick out a gift - AFTER thought.