Why ask me if you don’t want my answer..?
After two bottles of wine and an emotionally draining day DH and I sat down to a funny movie (Hot Tub Time Machine… I know how it sounds, but it’s a really sweet and funny film!) and the evening seemed to be settling into a comfortable groove… until the movie ended and he leapt into one of his “deep discussions”. Every time this happens I see it coming like a freight train but feel completely incapable of avoiding the impending crash.
Last nights talk started off with, “Don’t you think the boys have been acting weird lately..?
*I cringe and my inner self starts putting on the armor and beating its head off the wall*
And I replied with a nice, noncommittal… “I don’t know hon… what makes you think that?”
Two hours later (somehow) we’re completely focused on SS6’s behavior (the most calculating, self centered, non-empathetic child I’ve ever met!) and DH is waving his lap top in my face with the traits and characteristics of a Capricorn (SS6’s zodiac sign) and using this as an excuse for the kids selfish, “screw you” attitude.
• Tendency to believe their way is always the best (check)
• Egotistical (Oh yes… check)
• Unforgiving (big time)
• Takes a very critical view (of everything that doesn’t revolve
around him, yep)
• A perfectionist who is never satisfied (and will pick you apart
with sharpened talons whenever he can find a soft spot. Ding!)
• Seems unapproachable and self-protective (a snotty little
know-it-all who can NEVER be wrong… ever.)
While understanding that DH is looking on with the undying love of a parent, I was trying to get him to understand that he has to start reprimanding the kid when he mouths off… really try to work hard to engrain SOME form of manors in the boy or he’s going to get his butt handed to him in school next year. Teachers aren’t going to take his “I KNOW THAT ALREADY!” explosions and other kids aren’t going to want to be friends with him if he continues the way he’s been acting all summer.
It’s pointless really… I just have to learn to keep my mouth shut and just try to be the best example I can for those kids and hope that something rubs off. I wish “I” had a Hot Tub Time Machine sometimes… I’d go back to 1980 and find the woman my mother had sitting for me, the woman who through a loving mixture of fear and care tactics whipped me into a pretty good “Yes-mam!” kinda kid and drag her ass into 2010. I try to emulate her… but I just don’t have the metal. Wherever you are Ms.Carmella… pray for me!
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Comments
Bill Cosby said 'A woman
Bill Cosby said 'A woman doesn't want to hear what a man thinks. She wants to hear what she thinks in a deeper voice.'
I don't think that trait is restricted to just women.
*laughs* That's awesome...
*laughs*
That's awesome...
This was great. LOVE your
This was great. LOVE your writing style.
I would be inclined to whip
I would be inclined to whip out all the characteristics according to YOUR star sign and give them as perfectly valid reasons you behave the way you do esp the bad bits.
I just wonder why grown adults feel their offspring are the funniest thing in the world and their little meltdowns are so darned cute! OK so my Grand daughter is the cutest thing in the world right now because she is 3. Case to point the other night she was talking to her step uncle/MrSS17 and she said "Grandpa isn't old. He is just different." Now 3 yrs old it is cuter than hell. But coming from a 12 yr old would be very odd. And a grown man saying "My kid is a Capricorn and this explains all his bad behaviour so lay off the kid." is VERY strange. Or he is getting a realisation all is not well in his sons tiny kingdom-mind and he needs to find a reason why and how.
The next time this kid tries to pick you apart just look dead into his eyes and say "I know what you are doing (whisper) and it isn't working!" Smile. Walk away. Hum to yourself a little tune.
"I know what you are doing
"I know what you are doing (whisper) and it isn't working!" Smile. Walk away. Hum to yourself a little tune. Great one Oneoffour!!! I will be using this with SD7 }:)
The reason it works is
The reason it works is because the kid is completely thrown for a loop. They have absolutely no idea what you will do next. The game rules are changed and they have no idea what they are anymore.
They have to pay attention to you so they don't get left out. It is all about taking control... to paraphrase my Military son... subdue the enemy, take control. The trick is how you subdue a brat.... you smile to yourself a LOT and hum. If they try and get your attention you ignore them. And ladies, leave their brattish behaviour to their fathers to deal with.
I did this with my friend's daughter who was prone drop down kicking and screaming tantrums. I whispered to her "I know what you are doing...." She looked at me with screwed up eyes and screamed again. I patted her on the head and walked away... humming.
You know what? She never pulled that stunt with me ever again. And she has turned into a very nice young lady.
oneoffour… I actually did
oneoffour… I actually did just that!!! I pulled up Pisces and shouted “THIS is why we butt heads… we’re exact opposites!” and I felt like such a total tool… here I am, a grown ass woman… using zodiac traits to prove something to my husband. (part of my brain kept saying… seriously? This is where we are?”) I really think he’s just at the end of his rope trying to justify the kid’s behavior.
I’m gonna try that looking him in the eyes bit… sounds very effective.
maux, I’m dying for the day when I can look back on all of this nonsense and laugh… my parents just sit back and smile at what I’m going through and I’m starting to understand why…
The thing is, the zodiac
The thing is, the zodiac might explain some tendencies, say, but it is still the parent's job to socialize and balance negative traits...
So many excuses, so little
So many excuses, so little time...
Ms.Carmella was awesome… she
Ms.Carmella was awesome… she taught me how to respect adults and take accountability for my words and actions. She had two daughters (one older than me at the time and one younger) and she treated the three of us exactly the same… we fell in line behind her like little well behaved ducks. The older one works for the city these days and the younger one is a lawyer.
She’s one of those people you can look at and say, “she did EVERYTHING right!”
Tough shoes to try to shuffle around in.
Sounds like you and your guy
Sounds like you and your guy had a kid free night together?? Enjoying a movie?? Why are you wasting your limited kid-free time talking about the skids? In our house, I deal with skid time half my life, but adult couple time is just that. When he tries to discuss the kid, I move right on past to another topic and BF gets the hint. He can talk to me about skid issues on skids days. Our couple time is sacred and skid is the last topic of discussion.
There is never a skid free
There is never a skid free moment… especially when they’re NOT with us. They haunt DH’s every thought when they’re not around, and I think that’s the biggest problem. We only have blow ups like those when the kids aren’t with us. Gives his mind too much ammunition… and he is a creative little bugger.
He could look at a photograph of a star going supernova while a coyote driven cartoon rocket blows by waving an Acme flag and relate it to the kids somehow…
DH, SD14, and I are all
DH, SD14, and I are all Capricorns.
SD14 and DH are NOT ANYTHING like those negative traits; I come closest. BM is spot on all of them, but her birthday is sometime in May, I think. It's all about what you do with the child. I do have to admit, I manifested all of those traits really horribly as a teenager - I apologize to my mom a lot now for it.
Your DH wants validation that he's doing the right thing. Everybody hates to admit they're wrong, and some people just can't/won't do it.
Wow...I am really suprised
Wow...I am really suprised for two reasons! #1. That a male is actually looking to the stars for answers on how to keep from parenting a child (this is a totally new diversion of responsibility, I've never heard such creativity before!) and #2. I'm a Capricorn, so apparently I have the right to act like an a-hole! Awesome!
Moon Child Step Mom - I would
Moon Child Step Mom - I would look up narcissistic disorder disorder, and without telling your DH, read him the qualifications that fit his young child. And then, when he is like "YES!! Where did you find that??" Read him what the child's behavior could actually be...