Tween/teen stench is the worst. Sorry you have to put up with it. An open window is defiantly not shaming, it's a necessity rather than being in a confined space. I don't know how middle school teachers survive through that age . 

Big Daddy movie with Adam Sandler. "I let him become the smelly kid." *dirol*

That he smells and offends other people.   Does this kid know about girls  ?   Like wanting to get closed to a particular girl. Who wants a friend who doesn't stink up the place.   That you don't want a DS who spends his life in his room because everybody else are running away    Because these kids don't leave. 

Had this issue with my OSDthen11/12.

DH wouldn't make sure she bathed, or changed her clothes, sheets, cleaned room, brushed teeth...because "she's just a kid" or "we don't have time" or "it's not a big deal". So she stank. Stank all the way for several years until she PASed out at 13.5.

I realized complaints from me did no good. So I stopped complaining.  I just refused to sit next to her, refused to have her in my car, refused to do things together unless she had showered and cleaned up. If DH asked me why I wasn't doing something I explained without anger or judgement. She smells and I don't want to sit /drive/be in public. He could not make me do anything. 

Oh and he knew. HE had to roll the car windows down a couple times.  HE got to sit by her and smell her breath and BO. He told me this. Did anything change? No. Because it was too late and he blew it when she was younger. He had no authority any longer.

The last time we saw her, at 15 (she's 20 now), she was still not bathing regularly or brushing her teeth.

Stop pointing it out to your H. He knows. Just politely remove yourself and keep rolling down the windows.

It's sad how afraid these guys are to parent. When my son was that age, i had to smell his hair and under his arms when he got out of the shower bc he would try to get away with not using soap amd shampoo. I turned him around and said get back in there! I said wash your behind because i assume you skipped that, too, but i'm not checking! People say "Oh, it's because their parents are divorced." But that's not all of it. Skid Syndrome isn't just about spoiling, but it's a combo of spoiling and neglect of doing the harder parts of parenting. 

Lack of hygiene is a major clue for mental illness. Does your DH know that? I really question his sanity not requiring basic hygiene for his own flesh and blood.  I'd turn this on DH and let him feel the pain of his failure to parent.  Did he change diapers? Potty train ?  

Wash your A$$ is standard parenting for kids. DH must not have any self respect for himself to let HIS kid be the stinky one.   This is all on him.    
 

My skids used to come over smelly and they got right into the shower. It was stale cat pee smell.  I pointed out to DH that HIS kids were the stinky kids because of BM. He read her the riot act and it got better.  Those were the early days when she was "learning how to parent" by comparing herself to my parenting.  If you must tap into a little competition to achieve a better smelling home, do it.   

Id also buy him soap for Christmas,  a shower caddy with everything he needs to stay clean   That would be the ONLY gift I would participate in   

He got upset with me saying he knows why I have it down. I told him we can talk about it later and he basically told me I was shaming his son... 
 

No. Your husband is shaming his son by sending him out in public knowing he has a strong offensive odor. 
 

He knows his son has poor hygiene and refused to correct something this is easily corrected. 
 

"Son. Go get in the shower and dont you dare come in here for games/entertainment/leaving out in public/etc until you have done what I asked you to do."

"Son. You are expected to shower/brush teeth/come hair/apply deodorant DAILY and after workouts/heavy sweating" 

Basic hygiene is not an option. And if he really is struggling after the expectations then sign him up for mental health therapy (not trying to be insulting but seriously check that he's not suffering from depression, OCD, or some other mental illness) 

Trigger Warning!

A story of extraordinary intervention on teen stench.

I attended Military boarding school for HS.  Invariably, at the beginning of each year a New Cadet would show up who reeked beyond tolerance. The process for getting them integrated into the structure of being a Cadet included haircut, uniform issue, hygiene product issue, training, etc.... and .... daily inspection of room, uniform, and .... a sniff test.  If the stanky New Boy failed the sniff test .... they got a few days to comply under firm guidance.  They figured it out  ... or .... blanket/shower party.

Not an official stance of course. Obviously had elements of hazing involved. But.... a stanky pig pen discheveled cadet negatively impacted the lives of every cadet in that Squad/Platoon/Compay... etc....  Their poor hygiene choices mattered to far more than just them.  Though it was obvious that it did not matter to them.

On some dark night, the stench generator would likely be bagged up in their bed sheets, placed on the floor of the showers, and ... showered. The first time they were allowed to shampoo, soap up, rinse, and shave themselves under raucus guidance of their peers.   Usually, that was all it took and .... with the support of their room mate and Squad mates they got their proverbial shit together.  For the particularly stubborn, it got far more participatory as far as room mates/squad mates/platoon mates, etc... were concerned.

Being showered with household cleaning products and stiff bristled scrub brushes certainly takes care of stench.  I recall only a single new cadets so commited to maintaining their odiferous emanations that they required a 3rd shower party. Not a pretty experience for them.  From stiff bristled scrub brushes the applying cadets/peers might upgrade to Brillo pads.

That kid learned to shower every day.  Without fail. As we all did.  Fortunately those reeky new cadets were relatively rare.

One of my strongest memories of my first day was when I was taken to the barber shop. As I was getting my hair cut, the barber commented that I was the only one who had clean hair that he had seen all day.  Then the barbers went into laughingly recounting some of the stinky, greasy, nasty hair they had cut over the years.  As it turned out, the barber that trimmed my long locks that day, and cut my hair regularly for the next 3yrs, had also cut my dad's hair when he was at the school.... 20+ years before I was.

I do not recommend this for Skids ... unless they are sent to military school, but handing daddy a long handled scrub brush, a new bottle of Dawn dishwashing soap (hey, they use it on oil covered ducklings so it is gentle) and sending daddy or mommy and the stanky spawn to the backyard for a bathing session with the garden hose.... may be in order.

Let daddy know that the stanky spawn will not be in the home or any vehicle.  Ever. Unless they are freshly bathed with freshly laundered clothing on.  Daddy playing video games with the putrid failed family spawn is definately the problem.  They show up to the meal table reeking, they get nothing until they go shower... effectively....  and change into clean clothing. Their bioparent can accompany them to supervise if it is a chronic problem.

"Take it and get it clean. Then you can both come back to the table. No one wants to smell ... that."

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Sadly, it is the kid that will ultimately suffer the consequences and humiliation for the failure of the parents.  Hopefully the parent and putrid Skid figure it out before peers buying and using Brillow pads is applied. 

Though.. Christmas is approaching. It might be time for a joint wrapped gift for daddy and the stench to be under the tree for them to unwrap together on Christmas AM.  Brillo Pads!!!!!

(Reeking Shit Emoji)

On a serious note, he attends school right?

I am surprised this has not elevated to counseling and the school nurse. 

Maybe frame it that way to dh---HEY teach your son personal hygiene  before the school contacts you.

Buy him some teen male body spray and deodorant. (don't feel that you cant go buy this stuff)

Kid can pick,  Shower before school OR right before bed. Sometimes both. Its a new,  mandatory house rule for tweens 11 and older

That is what I would do. 

One for you and clean kids and one for clueless biodad and nasty smelling child. 

My case is nowhere near as extreme as yours but we dealt with bad hygiene from SD12 mostly from 9-11.5. Although it has gotten better than it was it is still a struggle and we still have to REMIND her to take a shower when her hair starts looking super greasy and remind her to brush her teeth.

She's been starting to get a lot of big blackheads on her nose and forehead acne (yes I know acne can happen no matter what through puberty but in her case I think it's lack of hygiene.)

She used to even brag about how she didn't brush her teeth and thought it was funny.

It always made me cringe.

This is one thing with kids this age I will NEVER understand as I was NOT like this, ever.

I am a very clean person, always have been, even as a child I loved organizing, cleaning and was obsessed with things being pristine all the time, including my teeth, hair, room, etc.

Some people say this is normal for kids to go through and they're just gross but I find it totally inappropriate and alarming. 
 

Honestly, this is going to start to be a thing at school for him. Maybe someone will *gently* bully him into realizing he's being gross and he'll be embarrassed and change.

Not saying bullying is okay but unfortunately sometimes it's just the push some kids need because they crave fitting in with their peers.