Screen time issues - venting!
Hello again,
Need to vent again. If it wasn't for this site I would go insane. So there has always been an issue with screen time in our house and I will be the first to say I have slacked many times with enforcing but as I have read up on effects of too much screen time and as I have noticed behavior patterns I have been more diligent with screen time in recent years. The kids only have 2 hrs of screen time daily with some flexibility on weekends and breaks. We are flexible but try to stay close to those 2 hrs most of the time. We always agreed that there would be no gaming console in their rooms to avoid not socializing with family and staying in their rooms for extended periods of time. At some point the Xbox was allowed in his room for the past 9 months with very little supervision. The reasons are too long and uninteresting to explain why it hasn't been put in the family room, etc. but it turned into an argument about why I care so much and then further discussions ensued about screentime. We agreed to the 2 hours and how SS11 abuses the screen time by watching YouTube for several hours on DH laptop, then 2 hrs on his tablet, and another several hours playing Xbox in his room. Today we agreed to monitor it and not even a few hours later he got away with 2 extra hours because he was playing in his room again. It's just a joke at this point. I give up. Why should I care anymore? DH sure doesn't. It's just hard when my BD11 is held to the 2 hr limit yet SS11 gets to bypass those limits constantly. It's so frustrating and incredibly irritating when DH has the nerve to comment on BD11 screentime if she goes over her time occasionally and yet he has 0 awareness or care for his own sons time. I feel insane. And we do have limits set on the apps but the tablet, Xbox, and laptops don't sync so it is possible for them to double dip on different forms of screens if not paying close attention. I am just at a loss and defeated and angry. I have no voice and I am tired of the lazy parent routine.
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Comments
Once again it’s
A SO problem. He not parenting..
Do you have joint kids in the
Do you have joint kids in the home? Are these kids just your SO's?
If you don't have to manage a yours/ours situation... this is not your hill to die on. It may not be great parenting.. it might not be giving great habits.. but it's his kid.. his decision how to raise him.. you worry about things that directly impact you.
We do
There are 3 kiddos OD4, my BD11, and then his son SS11.
Yeah, we have "tried" to create household rules that all the kids follow but obviously he isn't interested in enforcing them. It's just really irritating and for the most part I do try to just let it go after seeing how far trying to help gets me no where but in an argument. I just get frustrated when my BD11 wants to play XBox yet it is in SS11 room and is not HIS console and I get she doesn't always want to go play in his room and it smells horrible in there. Plus she doesn't understand why she is held to the 2hr standard and he isn't. I am just honest with her that I have 0 control over his time and I care too much about her mental and physical wellbeing to give her unlimited screentime. It's just annoying especially when you have a SO that pretends they want a unified family but doesn't actually care about ensuring that happens and shows signifant favoritism and leniency toward 1 child. You are soo right though in the end.
If the console is not the boy
If the console is not the boy's then that console goes into a shared public space.. period.. you can make that happen. It might mean you need to put another tv in your bedroom if you want to watch something during the kid's screen time allotment.
Yep, I've been asking for
Yep, I've been asking for months. It has caused so many arguments as DH doesn't get what the "big deal" is or the rush. So likely I will just need to do it myself and pull it out of the room and do all the set up, mounting, buy new TV stand, etc. We shall see how that goes! Thank you!
the big deal and the rush DH.
the big deal and the rush DH. Because YOUR child is hogging a resource that is supposed to be shared with the whole family. YOU are not seeing a problem because YOUR child is getting the better deal right now.. If the shoe was on the other foot? I guarantee you would feel differently.
Move t he console.. or just take it and put it away in storage.. if it can't be shared.. guess NO ONE gets it DH.
We pulled all screens access
We pulled all screens access from SS-31 when he was in 6th grade. He nad zero screen time other than when we watched TV or went to a movie as a family. Zero.
I could not stand him talking incessently about video games. I would not allow it and when he started, I told him I was not interested in what someone elses immagionation created. I demanded that he tell me what his iimagination created or what he actually did IRL. Gaming, is not RL.
This held until he launced at 18 and joined the USAF. He did got back to gaming, but... it is measured and he has managed to not allow it to adversely impact his RL.
A kid who cannot control their screen time, gets NO screen time. Not one second other than family TV or movie time.
IMHO of course.
He would get a ton of screen time when he was in SpermLand on SpermClan visitation. Though it was mostly watching his Spermidiot gaming on his full wall of large screen monitors. His kids rarely got to play. He made them watch him.
Dumbass that he was and remains.
When we purged games from our home, there were no games in our home. Not for SS, not for us. Though that was no sacrifice for his mom and me. We do not do video games.
Seems like father like son
Son pushes you and his DF as far has he can,.. or to get his screen time. . DH push you as far as he can to not parent his DS to do nothing. If DH isn't going to make a effort to limited his kids screen time. You can do whatever you want and DH will not fight you. I.e. take controllers and place them with a book. Where everyone put time if controllers out and back in. Cell phones , iPads. goes into a spot outside the bedroom.
I know as I am on my iPad on this website that screetime just goes so fast.
But you have to push DH to push his DS to get out. Maybe some type of father son activity. Sport team, bird watching. Just for then to get out You can do mother DD things to cooking is good everyone should know how to cook. Some type of sports or scrapbooking. Going out to get stuff
Take it from me....
Take it from me....
Leave it alone....
They arent your kids. Let them be on screens all day or as much as their parents want. If you try to do anything they will accuse you of being controlling, crazy and will cause you a lifetime of problems
Leave it alone if you want to have a healthy non toxic life....The children will ruin your life and health if you interfere with any screen time
That's pretty much where I am
That's pretty much where I am landing. It know it's a me issue but it just really pisses me off to no end when DH even so much as comments on my BD screentime, as if he even remotely cares about his own. MINE has straight A's... his does not. He should worry about his own. It's also super frustrating when he tries to pretend like he cares about fairness...like okay. And when my BD asks why SS is always going over time and I have to just explain I have no control over it and I care too much about her welfare to allow it with her. Hopefully one day she will understand it was out of love. Ugh. I knew a blended family was hard but the lazy parent who is too worried zbout disappointing his son is just getting old. Thanks for the advice. I consistently tell myself to back off and let him raise him how he sees fit. Try not to let it get under my skin. Oh well. Not my problem.
I would blow up if I were you
I would blow up if I were you because he comments on your childs screen time while his children are literally given free range! Sorry but you need to put a boundary, he is in charge of his free range screen zombies and you are in charge of your child, no comments allowed and vice versa. If he wants to comment, then he can show you by actions and starting to implement some rules/boundaries for his childrens screen time smh
You have to explain to your daughter that his parent has different rules and consequences and Im sure she will understand. I often wondered why other kids could do certain things or have things that I couldnt or wasnt allowed to but it was explained to me that every parent has different rules and some are more relaxed/permissive than others.
Oh it irritates me so much
Oh it irritates me so much when he does that, like worry about your own.... I do my best to explain that to her and since she's 11 I am hoping soon enough she will start to see for herself and understand. She still quite doesn't "see" why yet but hopefully soon. It's just hard explaining when the theory has always been "same rules apply" and since we have SS full time it's just ridiculous how the rules bend for 1.