OT Hospital Visiting - is this a female only phenomena?

My dad is very, very sick in the hospital and has been for about 5 weeks now. He has cancer and is not responding well. My sister came down for the summer and I have been going every weekend to give her a break. Another sister is too 'busy' to commit to anything but does contribute a good bit of money to the costs.

The issue is that I am exhausted from never having a day off in the past 5 weeks. My dad is very weak and not eating, etc. so I feel that he needs someone with him. But for some reason both of my sisters say that our brothers should not be required to take their turn sitting with dad?

My one sister who I should say specifically told us they moved away 30 years ago because her husband doesn't like his own family, says that for me to expect an even rotation of support is unfair and immature of me.? That 'it will never be even' - later I figured out that meant, because she doesn't live here and never intends to do this again!

Of course both of my brothers are thrilled with their contribution being one making one phone call that I know of, and the other cutting the grass twice. I am going on strike until they all participate with sitting with my dad, and the person that will be hurt is my dad. Who is then hurting my dad, and am I out of line? Please let me know, thanks.

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Most Evil, I am so sorry that

Most Evil, I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. My dad is also battling cancer (as is Dtzy's case too), he is not in the hospital and is still mostly self-sufficient but my heart is going out to you, all the same.

I do not believe that your sisters are right in their assessment of the son vs. daughter care idea. Sadly, I do not believe that you can force them to take over so that you can have a rest. Have you tried asking one or both to cover for your sister for the weekends or even during the week so that you can have a couple of days off too? Maybe if you pose it that way, they will be more apt to help?

Out of my SIX siblings, one brother, one sister & me are the ONLY ones who have done any of the actual work with/for my dad. The other 3 (one of which is a daughter too) aren't very interested in actively participating but then...all of our relationships with our dad have a history of being strained...at best.

I'm so sorry...I really don't know what else to say but to suggest that you ask (BEG??) a brother or two for some needed time off.

((((hugs)))

Hi, thank you for confirming

Hi, thank you for confirming that is a stupid outlook. I am so sorry to hear of your dads' situations too. It sucks and HUGS to you.

I hate to say, my plan is to just not show up, so then they are forced to deal with it. Oh well! kind of like I have been when they are nowhere to be found this whole time.

They will have a field day talking about how awful I am, that is the kind of weird family I have, they are all defending each other for blowing this off, so let's see how long that lasts when it is them in the hot seat.

Bitches! sorry I am really pissed and hurt that they don't mind if I kill myself, just so they can watch sports center or what the f. ever.

My family just went thru this

My family just went thru this very issue. My grandfather was in the hospital and his children (my mom and siblings) all rushed to his side.

Then when he didn't get better right away - my one uncle decided it would be ok to go ahead and cruise down to Florida on the planned vacation he and his wife normally take WITH my grandparents. Yep. Left his sisters and mom to deal with it all.

The grandkids (myself and his daughters) stepped in to make sure that Grandpa always had someone with him, and that the Aunts got some down time as well.

He finally came back after 2 weeks (cut his vacation short by 2 weeks) and "helped" but again, it was no way equal - he lives 2.5 hours away from the nursing home they moved Grandpa to, where the rest of the family lives within 30 mins (well except for one aunt who lives in Texas - she flew home and stayed for weeks helping Grandma).

My point is I don't think it is always "Equal" - but I think you are well within your rights to call all your slacking siblings and tell them you need MORE HELP. And then - tell them exactly what kind of help you need - i.e. Brother 1 - I need you to be here on Saturday, Brother 2 be here on Sunday, Sister Can you make sure Dad's bills are taken care of (i.e. monthly bills that need to get paid)

I'm sorry your Dad is sick.

Hi, thank you, but still

Hi, thank you, but still going on strike. They know what is needed and I am not telling grown people what they need to do. This has been going on for years. They are all older than me and fully aware and capable functioning adults.

The only way I have ever gotten them to do anything ever is by not doing it myself.

We are also all supposed to go on vacation together next week but now I am not going on that either. F. those MF's.!!!!! Right now I plan on never seeing or speaking to any of them again, and honestly that is what makes me feel at peace.!! thanks

I'm so sorry Most. This

I'm so sorry Most. This kindof stuff sucks.

I've seen it go both ways. When my grandfather was ill with Altzheimers (can't spell and don't care enough to look it up currently), my mother was the only kid that took care of him. My uncle didn't even come down from Chicago to visit the whole time he was going downhill. He showed up for the funeral, demanded a few things, and spent the whole time saying things like "I wish I had been here more." And guess what, he hasn't been back since to see my grandmother. That was TWO YEARS ago. My uncle has more money than I would know what to do with and can afford the trips, he's just self absorbed.

Now, my DH's bio-father passed with cancer about eight years ago, before we met. He rented a car and drove three hours away every single weekend to be with him in the hospital for six months. His sister, who lived two hours closer, would barely bother to call.

I think it just really depends on the people and the situation. My DH was really close with his Dad, as was my mother. DH's sister and my uncle were not close with their Dad's.

Thanks hon. My lip is

Thanks hon. My lip is dragging the ground. I think it is just how big of an ass the person is, and that is my polite way of saying it.

I was never close to my dad until my mom got alzh. (?? can't spell it either lol), then he and I bonded because all the kids were asses then too, and still are . . . that was 9 years ago. She is still sick and on her last legs too, fml.

At least one doesn't like my dad because he was an alcoholic when we grew up but he has been sober for years now so get over it MF (not you! lol). This same brother is like the king of our family and has gotten every break imaginable his entire life, boo hoo.

What you said about your uncle reminds of this bro - in our argument I screamed at my sis in the hospital room, 'what kind of person doesn't even go see his own mother'???? He has seen her maybe 3 times in NINE YEARS.!!!; I remembered later this sis wouldn't go either, that is when it blew up, ha ha she deserves it. So f'ing trashy imo, she treated them both so great always. I am so sorry you see it too.

I made up the most horrible names for my sibs that I am using for them now, two so bad I can't even say them in public. Those are my brothers, 'politically incorrect term' and P McD. Use your imagination!

Thanks guys, it helps just to tell someone. HUGS to you

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