Destination Wedding
With FDH and I's wedding coming up in just under a month, he filled out a travelers request form and tried to hand it of to her last night at PU. All she needs to do is sign it and approve that SD4 can come.
She refused and said ohhh no that will have to be in a court order. Even though they have both signed off before for travelling with SD, never had to be a court order.
How does that work? FDH and BM have to go before a judge just for BM or agree? I don't get it... its also another day in court which is going to cost us. What is the point of this if only to dig her heels in a bit more and waste our time and money.
If she doesn't agree we cant take her so what is the point of going to court for it.
Anyone have experience in this?
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Depends on the custody order.
Depends on the custody order. I know a few people on here say theirs forbid them for preventing the kids from going to important life events... such as your wedding! But some legit do say they have to agree to it, so if she's gonna be a pain in the a$$ then you may have to take her to court.
There is no CO currently, we
There is no CO currently, we are in the middle of all of that and trying to determine what that will be.
I don't know that we even have enough time to get this in court :O
I know this has nothing to do
I know this has nothing to do with your questions, I'm just nosey. I'm assuming that destination wedding, means that you are honeymooning wherever you are getting married? Will you have family there that can watch SD? I can't imagine having a 4 year old tagging along on my honeymoon!
Also, as a mom, I would be EXTREMELY reluctant to send my 4 year old out of the country for a week.. even if it was with dad. Unless you're talking like US to Canada.. which I am assuming you are not.
Yes we will be Honeymooning
Yes we will be Honeymooning but will have a ton of family there to watch not only SD4 but my 2 bios as well and they will be leaving before we do.
I agree with you that she may be reluctant but SD4 has gone away with FDH several times before out of country with no problems for weeks at a time. This is nothing new... the only new thing is that we are getting married.
Oh ok, then it sounds like BM
Oh ok, then it sounds like BM is just being a brat because she can and it's her way to try and have "control" stick a cog in the gears of your wedding.
I agree that the mom is
I agree that the mom is probably worried about the travel out of the country aspect... and concerned that the child won't be able to be properly supervised when everyone is focused on the wedding.
Honestly, I would have either have made sure that this detail was worked out well in advance of the wedding..or I would have (my preference) not had children present at the wedding.
In fact, my DH and I got married on an island out of the country. No guests.. just us two. We had some random strangers sign as witnesses haha.
If those are bm’s concerns
If those are bm’s concerns she can articulate them and ask how they are being addressed. This woman is just being obstructive because she can and she wants to be.
Thats not her issue at all...
Thats not her issue at all... Her issue is that she is a control freak and has to run the show. There's plenty of people going to be there and SD knows them all, she will be supervised. She wants to cause us some grief and she will probably hold off until the very day we leave and then end up saying okay she can go.
Unfortunately, this is one
Unfortunately, this is one area where I guess she can call the shots... and there is probably little that you can do about it.
Go to court? Well... that sounds expensive and probably not even feasible.
It would have been easier if the CO had been set up in advance so things like this could be more prescribed. At least if you had gotten her to sign off on a trip months ago you would have avoided this last minute issue.
I would have either not included the kid (like my DH and I did) or I would have gotten her sign off to go on vacation with daddy before BM realized it was for his wedding to her replacement.
LOL yep hindsight is 20/20.
LOL yep hindsight is 20/20. She has waited last minute for most of the other trips as well. a few days prior to leaving.
I don't want to go to court over this just to have her say no anyways.
The bottom line is that she
The bottom line is that she either is or is not inclined to agree to this.
If I were her EX I would tell her that while she is well within her rights to decline to allow their daughter to go on this trip that her refusal will certainly set a tone for all future interactions.
If she has valid concerns, she should voice them and allow her EX to provide her reassurance. If she is just being arbitrary then she can expect that your FDH is just as capable of being arbitrary with HER in the future and she needs a favor.
"FDH.. I can't get away from work can you pick up DD?" "NO.. you currently have custody.. deal with it."
"I was hoping that I could pick up DD early this weekend since my aged father will be in town and I want her to meet him". "Nope.. CO states I get her until 8pm. kick rocks"
"Can we switch weekends? I am supposed to go out of town with my new BF for a romantic getaway" "haha.. hope they have trundle beds because I have plans myself".
Etc...
She has to realize that being "difficult" goes both ways.. but if she doesn't, perhaps FDH should remind her.. not in such obvious ways but.
"EX, if you have any specific reservations about DD coming on this trip, please let me know. Otherwise, I feel you should allow her to go with me. I don't want to start down a road where we can't work cooperatively on things when it comes to DD".
Might be easier with one less
Might be easier with one less kid to worry about if sd cannot make it. My sd missed our wedding because of BM being stubborn, in the end our day was less stressful and sd has never asked why she wasn’t there. She might one day, but I will tell her the truth and let her work it out that her mom was being vindictive.
Yep! and FDH and I have had
Yep! and FDH and I have had this convo... if BM doesn't end up agreeing then that's for her mother to explain to her one day. For me I'm not totally bothered by SD not coming, its more for FDH.
My H said he's willing to
My H said he's willing to show SD the court proceedings after she's 18 if she ever questions why he wasn't around after they separated.
Was mom aware of the
Was mom aware of the destination and travel dates before last night?
Oh ya she has known since
Oh ya she has known since April... and she said that SD can go... but now that the clock is ticking and she has to sign she is digging her heels
So she's just being an ass
So she's just being an ass for the hell of it. I wouldn't fight with her on this.
HOWEVER, I say go to court and use this as justification for requesting NOTIFICATION vs mutual consent in regards to travel. I would try to avoid requiring advance notification. This works in dad's favor as long as he plans trips during his custody time.
As long as he isn't taking the kid on vacation during mom's time and mutual consent is not required, she doesn't have to know months/weeks in advance what his plans are.