I didn't meant to eavesdrop
So, ss15 has to make regular and private phone calls to hcbm three days a week. They usually talk more but in the co, it has to be these days of the week at that time. Tonight the other kids and I headed downstairs to do some gonoodle. After five minutes I went into the hall to grab my computer to grade papers, and I could hear her voice. Ss had the phone on speaker.
She was telling him that it's not his fault but we are keeping him from her (not true, we just don't and can't always give you what you want) and that he left her and now he won't come see her. (Mind you, he just moved her 3 weeks ago.) I started to go back in the other room and then ss's step-dad gets on the phone and starts reaming him. The poor kid. I felt so bad but there was nothing I could do except go back in the room and hug my babies.
Ss came in later, obviously upset but as always just shrugged it off. Strong kid.
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If I were him I'd refuse to
If I were him I'd refuse to talk to her. I can't imagine anyone is going to force him at that age. I'd certainly put the phone down on the step Dad.
Tell him - I'm sorry, I didn
Tell him - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop but what I heard was messed up, you didn't do anything wrong.
And then just leave it there. Validate that he's not the problem and didn't deserve that.
That's what I said. He knew I
That's what I said. He knew I heard and wasn't mad. I told him that he is a very nice person to put up with that but he is adamant that he is not going if he has plans, so what can we do?
Even after he talked to her and declined her dates, she said she is booking the tickets anyways and she doesn't care if we have plans or not. I asked ss if he wants to go, and he said no. So, I notified our attorney that she is being controlling and toxic and ss would not be on any flights that are not mutually agreed upon.
I have read your previous
I have read your previous blogs. It seems like BM has never been good at following COs or not being in control. Wasn't there a stipulation in the CO that if you guys had plans, you could decline? Let BM book tickets, if it falls outside of the CO stipulations, then BM will just be out the money and SS will not be coming. This is BM trying to exercise her control since she is clearly having difficulty being the NCP. Just keep sticking to your guns and follow the CO, but I have a feeling this BM will always do this and play by her own rules.
There is nothing that says we
There is nothing that says we can decline. It is vague but typically agreements are mutually agreed upon. She is trying to make a case that dh is pasing but in every email he compromises or tries to find a common ground. I am pretty sure a judge would think that it is fair for her to have 2 3 day weekends so then he is flying 5 times in 9 months instead of 9 times in 9 months but who am I to know? She also told dh that she is not interfering with school if he makes up the work. That's true but ss doesn't make up the work and the order says her visitation cannot interfere.
Looking at the co again, it
Looking at the co again, it does say that dh has 48 hours to respond. That could also be interpreted as you can decline or agree. Very vague. I told dh to leave it up to the attorney.
In your last blog post, you
In your last blog post, you stated that the CO allowed for a 3 day weekend as long as it didn't interfere with school, sports, or family birthdays. Given that SS is 15, I'm sure he will have plans on the weekends that will prevent such frequent visits and if any of the requests violate that stipulation, you can refuse. Plus, weekends are generally 2 days, so BM can't expect to see him monthly - that would interfere with school. No judge would grant BM one weekend every month when the distance is that far for SS to visit from Friday after school to Sunday.
Our CO also allows for three day weekends. We see SS for President's weekend and Labor Day weekend (if it doesn't interfere with sports). These are generally the only three day weekends present during the academic calendar and all BM would really be entitled to.
It sounds like BM already isn't willing to follow the CO. Worse comes to worse, take her back to court to hammer out exactly dates for 3 day weekends, like Labor Day and President's Weekend, to prevent this confusion in the future. With this BM, you will need an iron clad CO to prevent conflict and to know exactly where you stand.
Yup. We always think we have
Yup. We always think we have that and then she finds something.
Yeah we were in a similar
Yeah we were in a similar situation and still are to a certain extent. Vague is never good when dealing with a HCBM. We have learned that the hard way with years of trial and error. You need a CO that says "BM will exercise every President's weekend from x day to x day, x time to x time, etc." I am not sure how you guys normally word the CO since flights can be unpredictable and aren't at a set time, but the clearer you can get it the better. You don't want vague clauses about "3 day weekends," you want all parenting time spelled out exactly. Summer break equals x date to x date, spring break equals Saturday after school releases to Sunday before school resumes, etc.
We are long distance but it's drivable so our CO outlines Friday at 3 p.m. to Monday at 3 p.m, or something along those lines for all visitation. Since your BM is HC, you will need to spell it out as clear as possible to prevent confusion.
Yea, she is saying that 3 day
Yea, she is saying that 3 day weekends means she gets him for a full 3 day weekend. According to that definition he can only travel on school days. I really doubt a judge wants him missing that much school but who knows anymore
Per your CO, a "3 day weekend
Per your CO, a "3 day weekend" is only granted if it doesn't interfere with school or extracurriculars, so yes, BM is wrong in her definition. Yes, BM can get a "3 day weekend," but only when those arise on the academic calendar, not just whenever she demands a full 3 days. A judge will only grant BM weekends where SS is off on a Friday or Monday for long holiday weekends or school staff in-service days. School days are an interference, even if SS could travel to BM after school. A judge will not allow SS to miss school for visitation.
Not only that, normal weekends aren't even three days anyway, they are like 2.5 because if SS gets out of school between 2 pm and 3 pm on Friday, a full 48 hours puts him at 2 pm to 3 pm on Sunday... it's not logical to consider that "3 days."
Poor kid.
Poor kid.