Disengaged adult SD
I have been with my now husband, dated for 12 years finally married 5 years ago.
He has 2 daughters, 28 and 26.
Soon after we moved in together the his girls moved in with us, mom is very unstable. They lived with us for 10 + years. The older SD and I had a very good relationship since her and her mother did not.
The younger SD has been a problem since we met, the only way to describe her is she has a dark side. She was a daddy's girl and I understand that she felt pushed aside, ( she wasn't) but she felt that.
She has caused so many problems always, she moved out a few years ago, moved back after 2 years or so.
she came back even worse. I felt like walking on eggshells and didn't want to come home. I tried talking to my husband, who is very open minded, thank God. I understand he's in the middle, but has finally said he should have been more plugged in years ago to her antics.
Back in February there was a final blowout and she physically came at me, my husband got in the middle and I put my foot down and said she has to go. She left and stayed at her sisters until her and her boyfriend rented an apartment. My husband and I went on a vacation early April for a week , she proceeded to come into the house the day we left ( we have cameras outside) and have friends over for a dinner party( our nephew was there staying with our dogs) , I wanted to call the police and my husband didn't want to put our nephew in the middle.
Each day after she moved out her stuff.
My husband talked to her shortly after we arrived home and asked what right did she have to come in with her friends? She started her drama, crying etc. bla bla bla.
I took her off my social media, she doesn't get to see our lives if she isn't in it.
Fast forward to a week ago, she called her dad, saying how hurt she was I took her off of my social media, he got mad at her and said that's why you called? Not to try to repair any kind of relationship. Told her she needs to grow up and hung up.
Of course I'm feeling somewhat guilty, but then found this site!!! I am so relieved to know that other people deal with this crap. I'm sorry to anyone struggling with these things, but now I can read and feel good about myself and read all your stories and feel support, just by reading everything.
Thank you
movingon
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Comments
I think you are blessed to
I think you are blessed to have a husband that backs you up and recognizes when his child goes over the line.
Ultimately.. what she did was wrong.. I agree with not calling the police.. but if there had been any way for your DH to talk to her at the moment.. it might have been a good idea... but at this point.. it's past.... and I'm sure you have plans in place for the future.. changed locks for example.?
She is an adult.. when she complains about social media.. her dad can tell her that she broke both your trusts and hasn't behaved in a way that deserves to be included in social media etc.. that she owes you both a genuine apology..
Welcome to Steptalk!
Yes, we have a great many stories. Each has their own nuances, but many similarities arise.
Ive got SD24 Feral Forger creating havock in my SD17 Powersulks life, which trickles lately into my life. SD24 Feral Forger hates me, and has always hated me, we have had many blowouts during the 8 plus years. Culminating in my blocking her on my phone and social media.
Up until recently, Ive had a very positive relationship with SD17 Powersulk CPS. Reading my blogs you have my whole history, suffice it to say document here and vent.
But disengagement is your friend here. And your husband MUST create and maintain boundaries as you must. Shes violated ALL trust and she has threatened you with physical violence.
Please lose all guilt. Youir
Please lose all guilt. Youir husband most certainly isn't in the middle. You are living in your marital home and his daughters were only there because you (plural) allowed it. They were guests in your home and SD should have known better than to abuse that privilege. He did what he'd have done to anyone who threatened his spouse. Did she really think there would be no consequences for attacking the lady of the house? And she wept because you took her off of social media? Puhleeze! You could have called the cops on her for what she did (threatening you in your own home AND breaking and entering - you don't have to actually break anything for this to be a charge, only enter someone's home unauthorized - and abusing your home). She got off pretty lightly in my book.
From my point of view, there can only be one queen in a castle, any other adult female inhabitants are not of the same standing and should understand that they are only there on suffrance and that it's temporary.
So don't worry about her. Kudos to your husband - he's a keeper!
DH is definitely a keeper!
DH is definitely a keeper! You'll find on this site that there are many dads too overwhelmed with guilt about their divorces to be effective parents. I agree with ESMOD. Having access to someone's social media isn't an entitlement. She's disrespected you, your home and your marriage. She's not your friend. I removed most of my inlaws from my social media after I realized that they'd stopped liking or commenting on any of my posts (things they had done regularly until my SD turned on me). They lost their minds. Starting talking about me with eachother about how pathetic it was for me to care about who's liking and/or commenting, and that I was causing drama by removing them. My response to them: either social media's important, or it isn't, you can't have it both ways.
Never feel guilty about a POS toxic kidult. Regardless of whose
they may be.
She is old enough know right from wrong and knows damned well that she violated your home and then plays the water works to try to get to daddy so she can get away with her crap.
That DH ripped her a new asshole is exactly what he should have done and should continue to do. As for her access to your home... get programable locks, never give her a code, and when anyone house sits cancel their code after your return so there is no way SD gets access.