You and your husband do not exist to make this woman's life easier. Have that come to jesus talk NOW!!! I'm so frustrated for you. If you let him railroad you on this issue, get ready for a lifetime of his making decision that directly affect you without consulting you first. I'm sorry, but I don't know much about your back story. How are your feelings towards the child? If he had consulted you first, would you have been okay with becoming a full time SM?

The fact that his own mother is at a loss really concerns me. A child with serious behavior problems and a husband who makes assumptions about what you should and shouldn't want in a living situation is not a good combination.

I see your husband as the problem in this situation. He's willing to free her of all responsibility for her child, and help find her a job. What more will he feel obligated to do for her in the future? YOU are his wife. YOUR needs should be his priority, not hers. His lack of boundaries and obligations he feels for this woman are just disrespectful to you.

he wanted to get his ex a job closer to us
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
:jawdrop:

I gotta sit this dude down and have a "come to jesus" with him! STAT, PRONTO, ASAP!

DH pulled this crap with me. Last year when SD14 decided she wanted to move in with us, DH literally came out to the barn where I was working and said "I have to go pick up SD14 she wants to move in with us" WTF??? Then when I flipped, he says, "Well I should think you would be happy for me that she wants to get away from BM.. SIL and MIL were happy when I told them!" WTF???? So not only did he make his decision on his own, he went and told other people BEFORE talking to his fucking WIFE???

So, SD only lasted about 4 months with us and then went running back to BM. So fast forward to this May. DH tells me that GBM called and asked if SD15 could move back in with us. DH told her no. Ok, wonderful because we know how that story ends. Then I swear to God a week later, I am at work, DH calls and says "I have to go to the school and get SD15 records so she can transfer to our school" WTF???? I thought the answer to this horse shit was NO!!! DH says "Well, GBM keeps bugging me, SD is failing and what can I do say no?" So once again, decision discussed with others, and made without even talking to your WIFE!

WTF is the matter with men? I would never dream of doing something like this. I mean I have a person ask me about boarding their fucking horse and I run it by DH, it's his property too, he is my husband and he pays 1/2 the bills. Seems like fucking common sense to me :O

I'm not going to even address him telling other people his son can move in before he's even discussed it with you. We all know that is wrong.

But if he believes it's just a phase, he needs to tell his son to work things out with his mother. If he lets him move in temporarily, that will only confirm that he is willing to put up with the back & forth crap some kids want to pull. That will really not be good for your marriage, or for anybody, really. BM and kid need to learn how to deal.

This is why I would make sure your DH gives them the scoop. Legal custody changed, CS addressed, rules to be followed, blah, blah, blah. Do not make it easy. It doesn't sound like your DH is going to do any of that, though. He will probably be over there helping him pack.

Why does he want BM to work closer to you? Is he concerned that if son moves in, HE cannot handle it without BM nearby? Hmmm.

I have a feeling, one way or another, he is going to have a rude awakening.