I'm surrounded by children! What an awesome thing right? Unfortuately, that leaves little room to vent openly when I'm trying to put on the "everythings okay" face during the day. I don't want the kids to feel the stress any more than they have to, but that makes for a very busy brain for me. Alas, I can't sleep again. My older kids (17,14&12) are more and more aware of the drama. They know my face and they hear her yell at me outside. I try and make sure they are all upstairs, but sound carries and they aren't stupid. The "norm" has become to protect SS8. How pathetic is that? When My oldest daughter (20) is over after an "encounter", she grabs me in a body hug to try and help my entire body from shaking. I swear it shakes from the inside out. Like I could despise BM any more right?
It's a daily battle! After almost six years one would have thought we would have a mutual respect and have fallen into a not perfect but functional flow by now. Instead it keeps getting worse. She picked up SS8 on Saturday and I could hear her yelling at him for telling me he loves me and hugging me goodbye. A simple "love you...goodbye" Kiss and hug "See you Monday". Not even all of what happened that day.
I again feel like I'm hanging onto words. If I explain in detail, I'll feel like a drama queen. If I mimimize it to a paragraph, it seems shallow and petty.

How does this blog thing work? At this hour, I assume I'm talking to myself. There's got to be a way....