DH is getting fed up
with making all of the effort in the relationship between SD and him. SD practically never calls him - maybe once every three months, if that. SD not only did not call her father yesterday - DH called *his* mother like a good son does - she did not return his call. DH called SD on her cell and on the house phone before 6pm, earlier her time. He still hasn't heard from her almost 24 hours later.
It breaks my heart to see him so hurt. He doesn't want too much from SD, just to talk to her a couple times a week and holidays, but she is thoughtless as kids often are. My guess is that BM was dragging her all over to relatives to "be with family" and she forgot her cell again. It doesn't lessen the sting.
I'm pretty mad at SD for this one, although it's only going to get worse, I'm sure.
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Going through this right now
Hey you aren't alone in this. I am going through this with SD15 right now. She has not talked to her dad in 6 weeks - which probably doesn't seem like a long time compared to others but for him it is devastating because she lives out of state and they usually talk 3 to 4 times a week and have always had a great relationship. The BM is a whole different post but 6 weeks ago we had some drama when we were out there - that had nothing to do with SD15 but with BM and now BM is poisining SD against us. My FH pays for her cell and SD can't even BOTHER to call him back. My FH is really hurt about this too and its hard. He says he is ok but over the past few weeks just gets grumpier and grumpier and aplogizes profusely to me for being so. I told him I understand but me as a parent would be pissed if my kid treated me like this and I would have left her a message and said unless you call me back I'm cutting off your phone but of course he wouldn't do that. It was bad enough BM had manipulated him for years and WE solved that problem now I am worried what is going to happen if SD15 starts to manipulate him I don't know if I am up for it. How old is your SD? Hang in there!
Sd17, teenage girls,
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
I went to the video store today to get a movie-a couple of teen girls came out of the tanning room as I was leaving.
One of the girls was on her cell phone and the conversation went like this "Dad, I need to be picked up right now!" in a demanding tone of voice. Then she repeated, again, demanding, plan snoty tone of voice "No, I said pick me up RIGHT NOW!" She then turns to her friend and says "he's a f))king idiot)". My thoughts-yep, he sure is to let you talk to him like that. H is a F**king idiot, too. this girl sounded exactly like SD17 sounds. And these infatuated fathers are all idiots, to raise kids who will treat them this way.
SD will be 13 in January
SD is not a bad kid and has not totally been steeped in PAS. BM blames all of SD's bad traits on DH, but he doesn't have enough time to teach her any GOOD habits, let alone bad ones. Let's see:
Lazy - SD will sleep until 11 am if you let her - DH is up at 0500 every day, even weekends.
Slovenly - SD's room and bathroom are constantly a mess - DH is a neat freak.
Unhygenic - SD has to be reminded to do anything resembling showering - DH is very cleanly.
Whiny - SD gets more from BM by being the squeaky wheel - DH and I are straight shooters.
Pouty - More on "how to be a princess" from BM, although DH can pout with the best of them.
Totally dramatic attention-wh*re - BM to a tee - DH can be goofy and silly, but is generally reserved.
Irresponsible - SD it a typical kid, BM is constantly switching jobs - DH has an 18-yr career and is responsible for over 30 people and millions of dollars of equipment and training.
I'm pretty sure, since messages were left on SD's cell and the house phone, that the whole family is on a trip somewhere for the weekend and SD has "forgotten" her charger, just like she "forgets" shampoo and razors every dang time we pick her up. BM would be really happy if DH would totally drop out of SD's life - but hey, double that CS check! - if it were his decision, so she can complain about how he's a deadbeat and doesn't care about his only daughter! She's all about appearances, and wants to look perfect, so she'll encourage SD to be close to DH. Besides, that way SD might pry more money or things out of him!
I reminded DH that this is something to hold over SD's head, and it's why we really disagreed with pulling her out of after-school care when she was 10. Her cell is constantly dead or broken and she has the attention span of a 2-yr-old. I don't think it's safe to leave her alone - she hasn't demonstrated the maturity to take care of herself.
She still hasn't called. DH is getting more and more disillusioned with this parenting gig. He tries the best he can, but he refuses to be abused by anybody. He stuck with BM for six years after SD was born because he's not a quitter and he thought it was better for SD, but after that he's refused to be anyone's doormat.
I told him he has to decide what kind and how much of a relationship he wants with his daughter. I think.... he'll love her as much as she lets him, but will not let it be a one-way street. He's already started distancing himself emotionally. His self-worth has zero to do with her opinion. But for now, to have his rising suspicions of her character validated and revalidated - it hurts.
~Trish
Us too
About 5 weeks ago SD told DH, I'll call you right back . . and never did. He has never called her back either, after it turns out she lied about getting her grades and what they were (2 Fs and a D).
He has no influence on her and she is very two faced with him, acting one way with us and a completely different person on the phone with her mom listening in. She has developed many unattractive qualities such as asking in a demanding tone, if DH is implying her mom did a bad job raising SD? My answer is a resounding YES!!! but DH let it pass. I think her school record and 'dating' life at 17 speak for themselves, and it ain't good.
Right now I seriously don't want SD around because I am embarrassed to say the crazy stuff she does, and is proud of. I do keep bringing her up but DH doesn't want to talk about it, which like Crayon I am hopeful about! Maybe we can actually take care of ourselves and people who do love us instead of SD for Christmas. I am sorry but its true!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
I'm right there with ya
Same issues here. SD won't return phone calls or emails. BF mopes around and won't talk about it. The best laid plans with be thrown out without a moments hesitation if SD15 does decide to call or declare her intention to visit. It is driving me nuts. On one had I want 15 minutes alone with SD15 to give a stern "where the bear poos" lecture on how she is treating her father. On the other, I'm fine if she never calls and BF can just learn to be at peace with the fact that SD15 is all BM and we are better off just the 2 of us.