DH let me down again. BM tested covid+ about two weeks ago. We find out through text msg SS10 sends one night. DH was going to pick him up the next day. SS texts "Mom has been sick, waiting on covid test." Something like that. Thankfully, I had not seen SS in 3 weeks, DH about 2.5 weeks prior, so we just slightly missed the window. Had I still been catering to that first family, I would have taken care of SS in the risk period. BM had a childcare issue, but my DH had been working or on call daily for the 2.5 weeks prior to last visit, so he could not help with the child care when she had asked, and I no longer volunteer to help. Even if hubby is home, but there is a chance he may have to be anywhere else, I won't help. The moment my DH leaves my side, even just to go to restroom in a public place for 5 minutes, SS starts up his usual routine making my life difficult. He knows just what buttons to push. Very interesting indeed.

BM's test comes back +, DH tells BM and SS, he'll wait and get SS the next weekend. Ok, good he didn't go the same day, as planned, but just one week later? Um, no, I'm pregnant. And who knows how seriously they are taking the isolation/quarantine bit in the house. Apparently stepdad and SS were isolating from BM, but I felt uneasy about the whole thing, just based on the fact the adults in the situation didn't alert us to the health situation in the first place, a 10 yo did. I was thinking, were they even going to tell us, or just let DH come get SS as usual? 

So the 1 week passes, and DH says no again to household transfer. Too soon (It's been maybe 8/9 days since she was diagnosed at this point). DH doesn't say no on his own accord, BM doesn't say no, I do, and DH obliges me, but states that NeedCoffee is uncomfortable. Who's the bad guy in the situation? I did tell my DH this whole time that if he felt he needed to take care of his son at any point during this whole mess, he could go quarantine with him from us somewhere. DH says he'll wait. I do the legwork researching timelines, etc.get medical advice that SS should probably get tested, and that even after testing neg, it's most prudent to wait about a week after that with no symptoms to be totally in the clear, due to false negativess early in the course of the disease (I communicate all of this to DH). That plan is being very prudent, but I'm pregnant. Let me preface this by saying I have not been a hypercautious individual staying at home this whole time. I've been playing by the rules, but been working outside the home, doing errands. But when you are talking about a known + case household transferring into my household, it's definitely time to pump the brakes.

DH apparently fails to tell BM and SS that even after negative result, a little more time needs to pass before he'll see him. So BM texts that SS is neg, and he texts back "I'll tell NeedCoffee".  So, again, it's all about me putting a wedge between DH and SS, when he tells them no still to household transfer. BM then threatens DH to take him to court for full custody if he doesn't go get SS right away and based on our "treatment" of SS,  and says that she won't play "NeedCoffee's" "games". My DH responds  "we are working on a plan right now for me to come see him (my SS)".  Whoa, hold up!!! She is threatening ME for trying to protect my unborn child, and everyone else I come into contact with, and based on "our treatment" of SS. The "treatment" here is that I have totally disengaged from SS for several months, have literally seen him maybe twice since late August/early Sep or so. This due to SS's poor behavior, what I view as poor parenting on DH and BM's part, and based on their complete disrespect and lying to me (another story in another post). My DH has seen SS every possible opportunity when his work schedule has allowed. He has had multiple weekend visitations in our home, while I went elsewhere. I have only once asked my husband to change plans with SS when I was sobbing and upset after a counseling session we had with unresolved results. Ultimately, DH did leave me there in my tears and went to get SS anyhow, so even though I asked once before, he did not oblige. So the only time I have "prevented" DH from seeing SS was with this whole covid thing,  but again, I always gave DH an out to go see him, but he had to then quarantine from me. He didn't like those options. Well, neither do I, but that's it. End result: DH says he'll stay with me and get SS next weekend. SS apparently calls crying that he thought since he was negative, he could see DH. DH talks him down. I'm in bed, due to a tightening belly and crazy big ankles from stress. I ask DH to lay down with me and rub my belly to try to relax it. He does this half heartedly, but then starts sort of crying about SS being upset. He has to go for a walk, he says, gets up and leaves. I realize his heart is with SS.

I tell him go see your son, then he and I will quarantine from each other. So, he ends up seeing SS for about 3 or 4 hours yesterday. He then has to work for the rest of the week, and next weekend, which I assumed he'll be with SS whole time for, is a wash. He'll see him for just an afternoon. SS is having a slumber party with friends at BM's house for the weekend. In other words, DH just saw SS for super short time, when he could have waited just one more week. Now I'll be pregnant and alone for the next two weeks, while my DH wastes a ton of money on a hotel room, quarantining from me, and hopefully not coming down with covid. I wish I could say I am happy about the sacrifice me and my baby made for SS and DH, but I'm not. I wish I could go back to how I used to feel in situations like this, like positive for loving my DH and SS and being concerned about their feelings, but I don't feel happy about that anymore. I'm so worn down.

Also, my DH didn't stick up for me against BM's undeserved and manipulative badmouthing against me and him, until I told him to. I let DH know that due to BM's threats, I will no longer see SS at all. That's where I am at right now. I was practically there already, but we had started working on some healing. Been going to counseling, and DH is starting to set boundaries with SS's behavior. Still a long way to go, but I was feeling hopeful. I actually miss my SS, which is weird to say, given all the grief, but I see a lot of it as being due to the parents, not all on him, and I genuinely love him. We used to have a close relationship, despite his difficult behaviors. And now this whole thing has just put us back, the whole family. I'm not dealing with a loose cannon BM, who doesn't give a hoot about me and my baby (her son's sibling, but she would never recognize that). His younger "siblings" in her eyes are his nieces from his older sister from her first marriage. I treated their son fabulously, like my own for a long time, but I'm staying disengaged if this continues to be the degree of thoughtfulness she wants to extend to me: threats! You had covid recently, and I have a baby in my belly, hello!  And she wonders why I don't want to be around her son anymore. He has learned how to be manipulative and deceitful from her, and she badmouths me to him. I'm not going to try to undo that damage anymore. I just don't have the time or energy for that. It's sad for him, because I was a positive presence in his life for a long time, but now I just say, "ask your dad," or I'm just not there to see him at all. Sad. I think this is exactly what she wanted, but she likes to play it off like she's devastated by this and how it affects her son, and how I am the bad guy in the situation. Please, you are on your third marriage, after two divorces involving children. And my husband genuinely loved you and your son. Never abused you. Never cheated. You left for another man you already knew. I don't think your concern for your son runs that deep.

I also let DH know that I am considering separation, which is not the first time I have come to this. I just can't deal with the drama anymore. Things are pretty peaceful between us until visitation time. This entire unfolding of events takes the cake. I'm tired of all this. Very tired. I am doubting my DH's love for me, even for our baby at this point. I stay because of our baby, my older bio (who loves him), and because I love my husband, and I made a vow before God, which I take seriously. But really, is he?

If you've read this far, thanks. I just really needed to vent. Whatever thoughts you may have, feel free to share. I'm very busy, so may not get back to respond for a few days, but will try to be timely.