What advice would you give your kids about becoming step parents?
I see that a lot of you on here are young; my bio kids are probably almost as old as you. What advice will you give your bio kids about becoming a step? Do you wish someone had warned you?
My son, on his own, has decided he will not get involved with someone with kids. My daughter feels the same way. She sees the world a little more through rose colored glasses and doesn't always think about down the line, so I have told her it's in her best interest to steer clear of a guy with kids.
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One of the reasons I'm single
One of the reasons I'm single now is because I do not want to enter into another step situation, and at my age, every man I meet will either have kids, or if he doesn't, will not get what it means to have kids. I don't want to be anyone's stepmom and my kids don't need a step dad. I would just want to be with someone, who could appreciate time spent with me, but also realize I'm not going to try to blend nearly grown kids into one big happy family.
I tell anyone who will listen
I tell anyone who will listen to stay away from people with children from previous relationships.Man or Woman.If they've got kids and an ex there's a whole pile of additional stressful things on top of what's already normally stressful in regular relationships.but hey,what do i know...i don't have kids anyway!
I'd say, Don't do it.
I'd say, Don't do it.
I am dealing with this with
I am dealing with this with my sister right now. She is 20 and dead set on being with this guy with 2 small children. He recently got custody because his ex moved a cpl states away. She has them for a month...he has them for a month until school starts and then he will have them during school and she will have the standard long distance arrangement. (large amounts of summer, xmas break, spring break) Anyways my sister thinks that she is now the new super mom. They are small...3 and 4 I think so this is ok for them at the moment. What I cant get her to understand is that it will NOT stay the way it is. BM is going to get sick of it once school starts. She has a fantasy that when BM gets sick of it she will just "go away". LMAO. She thinks I'm just being negative and a hater when I try to reason with her. She's so young, so beautiful, so capable....but she will hear none of it. She knows what she's doing and I'm just a negative hateful controlling older sister. She also has our mom (my SM) on her side cheering her on telling her that she is doing the right thing, shes going to fix these peoples lives, save these children....whooohooo. Ugh. It's ridiculous...like watching a train wreck...but you really cant live other peoples lives for them. If my sister is determined this is her path them maybe it is. Maybe for something in her future she will need this experience and these life lessons. I guess all I can do is be there for he when she does need me and I'm guessing as the months and/or years progress she will definitely need me.
Maybe you should have her
Maybe you should have her read this forum? Hopefully that would set her straight. I was in my 20s when I got involved in this sh!tshow, and I was truly clueless. I thought that during the time SS was with us (we tried taking him for a month one summer; didn't work out so well) that BM would be happy (because she was always complaining that we didn't take him often enough) and would leave us alone. It never occurred to me at that age that she was going to be calling every day and wanting to take SS on random days. We had more contact when he was with us then when he wasn't. That shouldn't have come as a shock, but it did.
Please help your sister dodge this bullet!
Idk. I'm kinda curious on how
Idk. I'm kinda curious on how many people here come from a blended family. Most of the issues I'm dealing with, I've sort of "lived through" in some way, shape or form through being a stepchild myself. When I got involved w/a guy w/a kid, I knew there would be problems, I knew plans would have to change from time to time. I know that some day we may have FSD full time (even though we don't now) and I know that BM is lazy and pawns her kid off on anyone who'll watch her. I was aware of most of the irritating things before hand, so as it's hard to deal with sometimes, I don't feel blindsided or caught off guard by most things. I really think that coming from a step family (my step-siblings had a PSYCHO PAS'ing BM and my dad had a gf that continuously tried to hurt (physically) my mom), help me remove my rose colored glasses and see situations for what they are. That, and I'm not about to let a 6yr old tell me, the adult, what I'm going to do or disrespect me in any way. She's 6 and WILL NOT win. Thank god I have a FDH that backs me up, doesn't correct me in front of her, and DEMANDS that FSD respects and appreciates things. So, basically, I would discourage someone that has no step experience to not do it. It's not worth the sanity that you'll lose. But to each their own...
I come from a blended family.
I come from a blended family. I have a SM who raised me from age 7 until I moved out a week after my 17th bday. My sister however is the BIO of my Dad and SM and is 12 years younger then me...had just started kindergarten when I moved out so she really has no clue what it was like living in a "blended" family because for her it was not. She sees that now 15 years later I and my SM have a great relationship. What she doesnt understand is that that did not happen until I was in my late 20's and it took alot of effort and reconciliation on MY part. (as the SKID) I dont feel that most SKIDS are willing to do that.
She thinks that because my SM (her BM) was ultimately successful that she will be to. Unfortunately my SM is not the type to say otherwise. Even after knowing all that I put her through, how miserable she was, how hard it was, how stressful, how it almost ruined her marriage several times....she still encourages my sister to go for it. It makes me insane. Her justification is that our relationship now makes it all worth it. I say BS. I dont want my sister to go through what I put my SM through. When I voice this though they both (sister and SM) tell me I'm negative and clueless. My sister is not my SM though. I dont think she's capable of dealing with all the drama and I think when it starts to rear her ugly head she will bail on this guy. That is my hope actually.
I have a step-dad and he
I have a step-dad and he warns me all the time about not marrying my boyfriend because of his kids.
He's a smart man. . .you
He's a smart man. . .you should listen to him!
Who needs the extra stress in
Who needs the extra stress in a relationship, though?
I'm 50 and my biokids are 29
I'm 50 and my biokids are 29 and 23. My oldest is married, but I warned her about ever getting involved with someone who has kids.
My younger son is in a relationship with a girl his age who doesn't have children.
It's definitely a NEVER EVER!!!
Too bad I didn't follow my own advice. I stupidly thought EVERYONE parented like me or at least the majority of people parent traditionally (adults call the shots, children obey)
Boy was I wrong!!!
My bios are fully aware of my
My bios are fully aware of my feelings. They know that I would not consider their steps my grandkids, and I would not want them included in holidays, etc. What I consider to be family is not going to change based on who my kids are living with at the moment.
To run as fast as they can!
To run as fast as they can!
I would tell them it is not a
I would tell them it is not a good idea. No matter how much you love that person you will never be just a couple. Your SO will come with an ex, a mother in law, and a kid. Now the mother in law will come no matter what but thats enough to deal with without the an ex and a kid to.