Does SM mean live-in babysitter?
One of my best friends is getting married in May. I guess I should say "our best friends", since my DH is now close with them as well. Anyway, the fiance is going to Vegas for his bachelor weekend in March and it falls on a weekend where DH has the girls. We were trying to figure out if he would be able to go and he was like "you can keep them, can't you?". This hit me wrong. He will be gone from Friday until Tuesday, so he wouldn't be there AT ALL the entire time we had them. So, I said nope, sorry. I explained to him that there was no point in even getting them that weekend if he wasn't going to be there at all to see them - that's the whole purpose of him getting them every other weekend, is to visit with them! I told him he needed to work it out with the ex and get her to switch days or something. If it had been business or maybe if he were only going to be out of town one night, I would have kept them for him, but not for a pleasure trip that lasts the entire time of their visit. He sort of acted like he didn't like that I said I wouldn't keep them, but he has gotten it worked out with BM and all is good. I'm still kind of wondering though if I was wrong/selfish in saying that I wouldn't keep them for him...what do you think?
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No I don't think so
I think that you did the right thing. I mean lets face it as bad as I want my world to be the perfect little family with my husband and our kids it never will be. They are our children while we are here on earth but I bet that if something were to happen to him his kids would forget all about me. Because I am not really family. I am hoping that it will not be that way but I can just see it happening.
I think you are right in if it were just a day or a work related thing ok but its not. It would be you all alone and lets face it as step mom's its hard to know our places..
In my opinion you are justified. Not that it means anything. But I support your response..
Funny you say that...
About if something happened to our husbands, their kids would forget all about us (the SM's). When DH and I first started dating, he said he didn't think he really wanted anymore kids and I didn't have any idea what I wanted - I was only 23 at the time. After we fell in love and I realized I couldn't live without this man, I started rethinking the whole kids thing. He is 12 years older than me...so what happens if we grow old and something happens to him first and we never had any kids together? I would be left all alone and I don't know that his girls would have much to do with me - not because they don't like me, because I feel like they think a lot of me, maybe even love me, but if something happened to their dad, they wouldn't have any reason to stick around. I would hate myself for not having a child with him so I could have a piece of him with me forever. That may sound corny, but that's how I feel and that's why I know that we will have a child together.
About the whole babysitting thing...BM wouldn't like it anyway if she knew he would be gone the entire weekend and they were with me, under my care and supervision. While I have done so much for them and I am now officially their stepmother, BM is still pretty adamant about me not having them overnight by myself. But that is my DH's decision and if he has to be out of town for one night on a night that we have the girls and I agree to keep them, he will not ask her permission.
I see it as THE perfect opportunity...
to build, and strength a bond with the kids... but that's just me. I know not everyone feels as I do, and there's nothing wrong with that!
For me, it's rare that DH has something fall on 'his schedule' that takes him out of town. If it does happen, it's no big deal to us, because I am the one that usually has to take/pick up SS from school, and activities anyway. And usually, we know months in advance, so I'll plan something fun, family time, things that he and I like to do. It's the added responsibility for 'someone else's kid', but to me, I'm already responsible with or without DH being here, so what's the difference to me, you know? LOL. So, I think it's totally your own decision and at least you were truthful with your DH.
As far as happy's comment about not really being family, I totally understand how you feel. I felt that way too, and often used to comment to DH (before we were married) that if something were to happen to him, I'd be left with nothing, literally... because we weren't married, SS isn't my child, I'd lose the house, everything because it's all in his name. It so worried be about our future. I think he realized what I was saying, it wasn't because I just wanted to be married, but I wanted a future together too. I didn't have any plans leaving whether married or not, but I so was afraid of what would happen if something were to happen to him. (His job is pretty risky...)
But, when I mentioned to him about 'SS would just forget about me', even to this day, he likes to argue differently. In my heart, I think he's right, but SS's BM would never allow me to see/visit him in the event that we lose DH, and so in turn SS would suffer just as much as if he would lose one of his parents, you know. That's because of the bond we have strengthened.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
YOUR NOT WRONG
When I met my husband he was a single father of two and had an old girlfriend helping babysit and as soon as she found out he was dating she freaked so I told him I would watch the children while he did his gigs (he works fulltime and plays in a band part time). After the second weekend of watching them I told him we needed to all spend time together before I had them on my own because his son was too much for me to handle. I got the guilt trip and now three years later I still recent him and his son for making me so frustrated. So you don't feel guilty for saying no. If he is not going to be there too then you don't have to if you don't want to simple as that. You should also thank you lucky stars he doesn't have custody.