This could turn into a long story, so beware! I'm just a little hurt, and although I know I'll get over it like I always do, I just want to share the situation and see what your perceptions are, how you would feel in my shoes, or maybe you are in the same situation and can commiserate with me!

When I met DH a little over 4 years ago, I was young (23) and still lived at home with my parents. When we got married after two years of dating, I moved out of their house, and into his. My DH is a farmer and has a bunch of family land that he tends. A few years prior to my meeting him, when he was still with his ex, his grandfather gave him a piece of land to build a house on. He was anxious to live out in the country near his office and crops, however the ex did not particularly want to live in BFE. She finally subsided and went along with it. DH initiatied the house building...he picked out the houseplan and what not. But as you might imagine, she still had her say and picked out wallpaper, paint colors and things like that. Once they moved into the house, she probably didn't live there a full year before she left. I think they were having problems prior to even building this house. So when she left, she moved back to town and let Richard keep the house, being that it was on his family land. He was entitled to it way more than she ever was.

After DH and I met and started getting serious, I would drop hints about things I didn't like in the house. I mean, it's a good sized, nicely built home, but her decorating skills were terrible. The paint colors were all dark and drab and so ten years ago - and wallpaper, ugh, don't get me started. I despise that stuff. Not to mention that when she left, she took a great deal of stuff, so he literally had a couch, a chair and a tv when I first met him. So we started turning the house into a showpiece. We started in one room and made our way through the whole thing - repainted every room, bought new furniture, rearranged things, changed the flooring, changed some of the countertops...all kinds of things. It's taken a long time to get there, but we're almost finished - the kitchen is the last step and I'm not sure when we'll get there. It honestly doesn't look like the same house I stepped foot in a few years ago. DH did all this to help make it feel like my home, and I am appreciative of that.

I still can't help feeling from time to time that it is not my home. It is DH and his ex wife's home that they built together, and now I've just taken her place inside. I guess you can just call it insecurity, I'm not ashamed to say it. It is disheartening that I feel this way. And I don't always feel like this. I mean, I'm proud of the home we've made and so many people comment on how I've turned the place around and such and such, but I just can't seem to kick that feeling that lingers around in the back of my head. It's always in my face that my husband was married before...from communicating with his ex-wife, to having the skids over that he shares with her, to simply coming home in the evening to where she once lived.

Last night we got on this topic and I was very emotional about it (bad time of the month for me). Anyway...DH pretty much ignored every word I was saying and told me to get over it. I never get any sympathy or understanding from him on this topic. He tells me there is nothing he can do. He doesn't want to build another house - and I totally understand that. It's expensive to build a new house, plus we're on the family land right now and they don't want just anyone living there. But maybe all I want is just a little understanding from him. I don't think it is fair that I've been dealt this hand (even though I did choose this life) and I have to just suck it up and deal with it all the time. I should be allowed to express how I'm feeling and I don't think it is too much to have my DH tell me something comforting...anything to show me he views it as OUR home that WE will SHARE for the rest of OUR lives. I don't know...maybe I'm overreacting...what do you all think?