How do you handle clothes with skids?
Hi everyone I have been around for a while but don't post much. I need some input from everyone. How do you handle school clothes shopping. My experience with my kids was that I bought everything they needed and kept it at my house their dad did the same (they wore uniforms untill high school) every Monday going back to their dads house they wore the clothes they had worn home the previous Monday. During the school year it was pretty easy. Summer time was a little more of an effort to make sure they wore the same clothes and sometimes clothes got mixed up but for the most part it was pretty smooth.
Now with my BF and SD12 she lives with us one week and her mom one week. Last year before BF and I moved in together he gave the BM money to buy SD12 school clothes and they had a suitcase that went back and forth every Monday. Ridiculous in my opinion so when I moved in we sent the suitcase back with all her clothes and bought all new clothes to keep at our house. This to me was easier than hauling a suitcase back and forth and he agreed. Now in the meantime she has taken him back to court for more money he currently pays her 1700.00 per month which she lives on (no job) but this year expected him to give her more money to buy SD12 school clothes.
When he told her he was buying clothes for our house and she would have to do the same she FLIPPED OUT!!! Saying it was wrong she would never keep her things from her like he was trying to do. Clothes were the possesion of SD12 and she should be allowed to take them back and forth so on and so on. She finally gets it that he is not going to bend then she says "Well you are going to have to tell her she can't take her new clothes back and forth because I won't do it" to which he replied "I already have its handled" second flip out!! One she is not getting her way and two her ploy to try to use SD12 to guilt trip him failed.
So how do you all handle it? Is it pretty normal to have sets of clothes at each house? Does anyone else haul suitcases back and forth? Thanks for any input.
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Nothing leaves our house. We
Nothing leaves our house. We have 50/50 of step son and he knows that he only takes what he is wearing. She never buys anything and he has come over in clothes way too small. She could care less. So we have started giving those away and making sure he wears clothes that are on the edge of being too small to her house. If he wears something new, it never comes back. This has worked well for us the last three years.
When we buy new clothes he is not allowed to have them until the first day of his week with us. That way they don't go to her house never to be seen again. SS knows the rules and understands.
Don't let BM guilt you into anything. The CS is to pay for clothes not to support BM...
With SS, he lives with us
With SS, he lives with us primarily and sees BM every other weekend. She buys clothes and so do we but we don't keep track of who bought what and don't restrict SS in what he can wear to her house and back. In our case, DH and I believe the clothes are for SS. BM used to be picky and not allow him to bring his clothes to our house which was ridiculous because he lived with us during school and thus needed his clothes, regardless of who bought what. It did SS no good with perfectly good clothes sitting in drawers at BM's house that he only went to every other weekend. SS was the only one being punished by her not allowing him to have his clothes at our house so she's finally lightened up on that issue. Aside from buying his clothes, we pretty much do everything for SS - school supplies, paying for extra curricular and health/dental etc. - there is no child support from BM because it's supposed to be 50/50 rotating custody but it never has been because BM was/is lazy. I know there are differing opinions on the clothes issue but this is what works best for our family situation.
The 1700.00 for the skid was
The 1700.00 for the skid was the decrease she got in April, He was paying around 1000.00 plus paying her car payment, insurance and a couple of other bills. So he was paying just about 2000.00 so it actually decreased a little bit }:) It was an informal agreement between the two of them after I moved in she filed an exparte to get the amount increased and actually lost about 300.00
That was BF told her if she needed money for anything for SD12 then Get a JOB!! Thank goodness he no longer has his head up his ass anymore when it comes to her guilting him into paying for everything.
I thought that our solution was very good for both households, I mean seriously who wants to pack a damm suitcase every week geez poor SD12 will feel like she is visiting every week. I feel like each house should feel like home.
Yikes in the 1700. SD is 4 we
Yikes in the 1700. SD is 4 we do the suitcase. BM barely works and I think for the amount of money she receives every month she can buy clothes and pack a bag. Although bm still thinks these clothes are 'hers' I think the 1 set of clothes make them more SD's clothes not mine and yours. Dont know if that will change later but it works well now. We do have pjs and extra undies, but I say no when fdh wants to buy her clothes because we have done that in the past and he never dressed her in them.
We used to send clothes back
We used to send clothes back and forth, drop off luggage each week, but what a PAIN! Now, we buy clothes that the kids wear on the weeks they are with us and BM buys clothes for her household. It works SO much better.
There are some things that SD12 is hell-bent on wearing every week, so she takes them back and forth. No biggie. If they come back - great! If not, then she won't have anything to wear. It's her responsibility.
We have clothes for SD at our
We have clothes for SD at our house but she brings an overnight bag with clothes from BM's house as well. If we are going somewhere and we don't want her to wear whatever is in her bag she wears what we have at our house. We never send any of the new clothes to BM's house because it never comes back. We just recently purchased all of SD's school uniforms. 250.00 worth. But I told my DH that we aren't doing that again next year. She gets CS for that and that's what she should be using it on, not her designer bags & shoes.
Yeah the 1700.00 per month
Yeah the 1700.00 per month sucks but we are in CA and since BM has no job they did not impute any income for her so he got screwed!!
Its funny because another one of her arguments was that we could afford more because we have two incomes. Using her logic she could have three incomes if her or her unemployed boyfriend would get a JOB!!!
BM gets paid child support,
BM gets paid child support, so she pays for the clothes. We'll buy a few items (usually second-hand although SD and SS have no idea) and keep those at our house.
Your dh already paid for her
Your dh already paid for her clothes and anything else she needs in the form of CS period! Keep repeating it. Your is meeting his obligation to his dd by paying his CS! If you7 want to buy her clothes for your house that is his choice but HELL NO would I be giving bm to buy clothes for sd EVER on top of CS! Your bm is just pissed b/c she doesn't get that extra money is all!