In my head, I already envisioned how it would go when DH and I would tell SS10 and SD14 that we are pregnant. SD would be overjoyed to be a big sister again. SS would be sobbing and then sob even more when he found out that this sibling would have a birthday close to his.

That's not exactly what happened, but close. SD was indeed overjoyed and super excited. SS didn't say anything until I mentioned that he would be an older sibling for the first time. Then he threw up his hands and yelled excitedly. Unfortunately, his excitement was because he realized, as a big brother, he could pick on his little sibling. Either way, the telling of our news went well, at least that's what DH and I thought.

Not long after, SS had his weekly therapist visit and was upset when he came out of it. DH had no clue that it would have been from the baby news, but for SD and I, that was our first guess as to why he was upset. DH said he didn’t believe that could be it and he didn’t understand because when he found out he was having a half-sibling, he too was happy. I privately told DH what I thought the problem was - I thought that SS (for various reasons that I won't get into) has insecurity issues. He feels insecure in his place in the family and this baby makes him even more insecure.

I mentioned some but not all of the following to DH. I believe that SS's insecurity started from before DH ever met me - it started when DH and his ex were still married and that SS's insecurities has caused a lot of family turmoil throughout DH’s life with SS. I think that SS’s daily actions show that he believes that his dad is a limited resource and he is in competition with all his family members for his dad’s resources. He needs to get much more love/time/money/gifts than every one else and when he doesn’t get it, he is extremely frustrated. As a result, he used to throw things at SD, get angry and hit the dog, destroy his room, yell, cry, pout, manipulate, and even threaten to hurt himself. I even wonder if this is why he always orders the most expensive thing on the menu when we go out - perhaps by us agreeing to his wants, he convinces himself of his significance in the family. His behavior has gotten better though - maybe therapy is helping, maybe he realized that these behaviors aren’t working for him.

The evening after SS’s therapy visit, DH and I tried to plan a last minute family movie night, but neither of the kids were interested in a movie and wanted to do their own thing. But, right before SS went to bed, he complained that he didn't want DH and I to go out on our date the next night, that his sister was mean as a babysitter, and that we don’t do anything as a family. Well, we explained to SS that we tried to do a family movie night at home, that we go out to the movies once nearly every week during the summer, that just last weekend we spent the day at an amusement park, that DH regularly plays video games with SS. DH also explained that parents need adult time (BM is not in the picture now, so we get no breaks from Skids). Logic, however, was not what this child wanted to hear. He continued to cry and plead with DH to not go out on a date. DH, at that point, asked SS if he was upset about the pregnancy. He started crying more and both DH and I explained to SS that having a brother would be an exciting adventure, that we would have less time during infancy, but in return we would all be getting a new addition to the family that we would all love. DH continued with this logic and then jokingly said “you know, this baby isn’t your competition, right?” SS shrugged and stayed silent. I said nothing, but the now overprotective mother in me was steaming. I, suddenly, (though not for the first time) had thoughts in my head that SS would intentionally harm my child. I was and I’m still thinking of a plan B - an exit plan. A way to leave DH and never have SS near my child. Maybe I’m overreacting, maybe it’s hormones, but that’s how I feel. DH is not addressing SS’s underlying problems and just placating SS. I’m not alone in my feelings - SD also doesn’t understand SS and thinks SS is a selfish person. DH and I ended up going out on our date and right now DH is having a “date” with SS. I know in SS’s mind this is a competition and he will use guilt, manipulations, and threats to get what he wants. I won’t fight anymore though. I'm tired and it's not my job. Either way, in the end, if DH doesn’t reign in SS, everyone is going to lose.