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What do I do?

newy's picture

Submitted by newy on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 5:31pm

HI there I am very new to all of this. My current situation is that I have been with my partner for 12 months, I knew he had three children, but during our time together he has not been permitted to see them (his previous partner did not allow this)
Last week we were told he can now see them. This came as a huge surprise. I do not have children of my own, and kind of feel that i do not really want children. Now we have three children with us twice a week. I feel my world has been turned up side down. I love my partner to pieces and wish for him to see his children as much as he can. I guess my question is how do i adapt to this situation? I find the idea a 3, 6 and 8 yr old really daunting. Im really scared, it felt like full immersion this week. Kind help anyone?

Comments

happy's picture

Submitted by happy on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 5:58pm

you need to really figure out if you want children or not. Because being with him you will have three children.. Children (step or Bio) are wonderful gifts.. If you really love your partner you will be able to do this.. Find it in your heart.. Children can be very rewarding. And I will not lie make you want to pull your hair out at times but in a split second can make you forget why you were angry.. but its hard too. So you need to decide what you want first and foremost..

newy's picture

Submitted by newy on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 6:17pm

thanks happy! I do understand where you are coming from, putting it mildly i have known for a very long time that i do not want children at this stage in my life.... However I do love my partner and am willing to give this a try. But what happens next, I feel an outsider to this equation which i understand is completely normal.

Bobbi's picture

Submitted by Bobbi on Thu, 10/19/2006 - 10:08pm

Welcome Newy!

Happy is right, you need to decide what it is you want. The children are part of the package and it can be very difficult being a stepmother. I wouldn't get involved with his children unless you are serious.

Fortunately, you have many resources at your fingertips if you decide to move ahead with this relationship.

StressedSM's picture

Submitted by StressedSM on Fri, 10/20/2006 - 8:28am

You can accept and love his children. He may be intimidating at first especially since you do not have your own children. Two overnight visits a week is not that much and you will have 5 alone with your husband. Their visits can be a lot of fun and they can bring a lot of joy to your life! Plan fun things to do with them when they are with you and keep busy. They very much need their dad in their life and can only benefit from having a loving step-mother as well.

Best wishes,

Nise's picture

Submitted by Nise on Fri, 10/20/2006 - 8:42am

Being a parent isn’t for everyone and that is okay….3, 6 and 8 are tender years and a serious commitment to this man and his children will definitely mean a lot of time and effort on your part that…if you know you are not up for the fight, bail now before they get attached to you. Your relationship is fairly new (a year old) and it will be easier to part ways sooner rather then latter…if you know at 28 that you don’t want kids, that feeling is not likely to change….It is two nights a week now but life brings changes…anything could happen and you and your boyfriend can become the custodial parents overnight…or even THE parents if something tragic happens to mom…how would you feel if that happened?

Make a GREAT Day!