Here we go again...
I really need advice on this issue. Over the holidays my ss who is in college came home. He had his mother pick him up from the house with out my knowledge and without any being at the house after the holiday. Thisis is an issue because the bm left nasty messages on our cell phone 2 months ago telling us that we are never to come to her house unannounced ever! I mean Ever! She was very nasty about it. She lives in an apartment complex and BF never goes to the door because of her wishes. But she feels she can come to our home whenever she wants becasue her son is there??? Please help. Now mind you this is the confrontational EX. I have not spoken to SS since he left and it has been 5 days. He did not even say bye. I guess my feelings are hurt. BF is making excuses for SS's behavior like, " Well he knows how his mother is, so he did not want any confrontation" So is she allowed to disrespect my house by coming unannounced? That is what she says she doesn't want? Should I play "Tip for Tap" or let this go. Should I say something to her? Obviosly BF makes excuses because he is used to her behavior. What should I do?
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No. Not right at all.
She invaded YOUR home. She disrespected your boundaries. I would confront her straight up about this. She yelled and screamed about you and BF not allowed to come over unannounced, so what makes it okay for her to just barge in your house like she owns it? I would definitely say something! That is rude and so wrong of BM! Reading this makes ME mad. How dare she?
And since BF is not going to do anything, talk to stupid BM and bring up the time she was nasty to you about coming over unannounced. Only.. be the better person and not scream and yell like a child like she did.
As much as I’m sure it
As much as I’m sure it makes you crazy because the BM has freaked out on you over the same thing, if SS called his mom and said come get me please, you would be hard pressed to find many moms who would say no. Or maybe she didn’t know he was home alone and showed up?
Did she enter the home or just pull into the driveway and pick him up?
If you feel you need to address it maybe send an email asking her to respect your boundaries just as she asked you to respect hers. (even though she screamed and didn’t ask) Also let SS know that you want to be home when BM comes to get him, and that you were sad you didn’t get to say goodbye.
Sometimes being the bigger person and behaving maturely and leaving out the malice and anger might make you feel better as well. When I let the little details start getting to me it makes me ill.
You have a great a
You have a great a suggestion, if she only had email. She does not have a phone. The only way to contact her is calling her at work during her work hours. I don not have her work email address. Any other suggestions?
No phone huh? At least that
No phone huh? At least that limits how much she calls but must make things pretty difficult at times. Does the SS have a cell phone? I guess the SS arranged the pickup a head of time with her then or called her at work?
Calling her and speaking with her Im guessing is only likely to drive your negative feelings and make things worse.
I would stick with communicating with the SS that BM doesnt want you at her place when she isnt home so you are only asking the same thing and for him to coordinate the times she is there when you will be home.
I agree..
I agree to that but SS in in college. My other SS has a cell phone as well, but she will not talk on the phone to me. The first and last time I called her 3 years ago, she started yelling at me as soon as she heard my voice. I hung and she left 3 nasty messages saying that I am never to call her for any reason along with other misc. Threats. She saiys that I have no reason to ever call her. She is extremely unreasonable. After that phone call 3 years ago when she saw me she tried to hit me and made a scene at a public gym. I tell you I deal with a maniac!! I don't know what to do. It is really bugging me. I wish she would get help. I have been dealing with this for 12 years!!
I'm sorry
That you have to deal with a crazy BM like that! And I thought mine was insane!
So what does BF say about her behavior?
He says that he can't
He says that he can't control her and there is nothing that he can do. So my SS's have learned to handle her physically. They stay with her when we are at b ball games and school events so that she doesn't attack me. They actually have had to drag her out of buildings because she is on the attack at every event. She feels that I should not be anywhere she is.
BM needs help.
Yeah... you were serious when you said she needs help.
I'm not sure how I would handle your situation... except tranquilize her you know what and ship her off to god knows where.
But that's just me.
I am going to send a
I am going to send a certified letter asking her to please call before she comes. Give us the same respect that she would like. And of course keep a copy for court.
Given the present
situation, I think that is the best way to handle it!
You have a valid point. My
You have a valid point. My concern is that the kids abd BF for so long have been enabling the behavior by giving mne all of these excuses. When it comes to my home, i feel should set some boundaries based on her past behaviors. I feel I deserve at least that after 12 years of this kaos. i have to draw a line somewhere and the SS's have always had to be the go between. Becaus their mom is unreasonable they have had to do all of communicating with BF (one reason why they have cell phones as she does not) I feel I have to say my peace.
I'd carry pepper spray with
I'd carry pepper spray with you at all times!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"