*I'm new to this blog, so if this is a little lengthly I apologize! They will be much shorter in the future!*

I seriously feel sometimes that my only job when the kids are with us is to cook, pick them up, and clean. Other than that, I'm basically invisible. It all started the other night with me picking up SD4 at daycare and brining her to swimming. My FDH met us there with SS7. I went to sit down to watch SS4 and SS7 and FDH were sitting in the only 2 seats available in the front row. So where does that leave me? To sit in the row behind them, by myself!

So after about 10 minutes of this I ask SS7 if he wants to sit on my lap so I can actually watch SS4 swim (I couldn't see her from the second row), and he of course just says "no thank you." And FDH says NOTHING to back me up! So I continue sitting back there, and finally I ask SS7 to sit on FDH's lap and he finally agrees. So there I am FINALLY in the front row only to have SD4 jump out of the pool and come tell us she has to go potty. So FDH just looks at me like I'm expected to do it. So I take her to the bathroom and by the time we get out, swimming is over. So FDH just goes "well, we'll meet you guys at home!" and leaves. So that leaves me to get SD4 all showered and lotioned up and out the door. We get home and luckily FDH has started supper which was great! The kids go and play outside while we cook. Everything was going great until it was actually time to eat supper.

SD4 is the most difficult child to get to eat! I'm sure alot of other parents go through this with their kids (and I would LOVE some advice) but it's just SO frustrating and doesn't ever seem to get better. You could put grass in front of SS7 and he'd eat it! He's so easy to feed. So we made pizza casserole (the kids love pizza and could eat themselves sick on it) but of course it looks weird so SD4 refuses to even taste it. So all we do now is just tell her "you need to eat all your food or you aren't eating until breakfast, if you don't want it now it's going in the fridge and if you want anything else to eat tonight this is your only option." It seems to work because she never gets any snacks or treats until she eats her supper.

So we finish supper and SS7 asks if we can have root beer floats while we watch our movie that we rented. I said that was fine and I'd run to the store and grab some root beer. So I run to the store and get back not even 10 minutes later to a house that looked like a cyclone went through the living room! I walk in the door and I have 2 dogs jumping at me trying to get my attention, SD4 is jamming on her ipod (very loudly) and the TV is cranked up. I hear SS7 bawling and when I come in the living room FDH is holding him. So of course I ask "what happened?" And all I hear is muffled but I caught "rib cage" and "couch" So I assume that SS7 was jumping on the furniture, fell, and hurt his ribcage. This kid is NOTORIOUS for jumping on the furniture and I'm constantly getting after him for doing it. I noticed the loveseat was pushed against the wall and the couch was all crooked so of course that's what I initially assumed. I couldn't hear FDH so I asked "was he jumping on the furniture?" And you would have thought I just accused the kid of murder. FDH snaps at me quite loudly "what did I JUST say???? He WASN'T jumping on the furniture, he was playing with the dog and fell against the edge of his couch and hurt his rib cage." So I just look at him and go "I didn't hear you initially, sorry" and proceeded to go upstairs and do some laundry.

So I go back downstairs about a half hour later and FDH has the kids all snuggled on the couch with him and the 2 dogs so of course there is no room for me to sit. So I lay over on the loveseat by myself. About half an hour into the movie SS7 goes "I'm sick of my root beer float (which I made him) so I want some plain ice cream." I go "what do you say?" and he finally said please. So I get up and get him a scoop of ice cream and hand it to him. He doesn't say a word so I held it and just looked at him, finally he said "thank you" (all annoyed) About 20 minutes later he goes "I'm sick of this, I want apple sauce" So I explained to him, no I'm not going to be getting you different things just for you to get sick of it after a few bites, if you finish your ice cream I will get you some apple sauce. So he finishes his ice cream and TELLS me, not asks, "I'm done, I want apple sauce and water with ice cubes." And I go "what do you say" (getting very frustrated) and he goes "ugh, please" So I get it for him and when I hand him it he doesn't say a WORD! So I go "ok SS7, I'm now done doing things for you until you can learn your manners. I shouldn't have to tell a 7 year old that he needs to say please and thank you, I don't have to tell a 4 year old, and I'm not telling you." And of course he and FDH had no reaction. All of a sudden FDH decides to jump in and goes "SS7, does your mom make you use manners at her house?" And SS7 is very rarely with his mom, when she has him he's with her parents so she can go out and party or work. She has a very good job and doesn't need to bartend at night, but she does it to meet new guys and get away from being a mom. It's very frustrating. So SS7 goes "nope, I don't use them at mom's or at grandma and grandpas" so FDH goes "that explains it then." Giving him an EXCUSE! That's not ok to let a 7 year old know that just because he doesn't use manners at one place, he doesn't have to at all.

So the movie gets over and we head upstairs. I can tell that FDH is mad at me and has been rude and snapping at me all night in front of the kids. So of course when SS7 sees that his daddy is treating me like crap and with no respect, then he feels he doesn't have to either. I've been feeling lately that Daddy always swoops in for the rescue and I'm always the one that tells the kids it's time for supper, and bed, and bath, and he doesn't say a word! So it looks like he wants to have fun, but mean old Step Mama is making them go to bed! It's so frustrating! He backs me up sometimes but not even close to as much as he should. I've explained to him that not only do I have TWO mothers that don't respect me and don't appreciate all I do for their children because they're still jealous that I'm with their ex, but no I have my FDH disrespecting me too? It's VERY frustrating! I do have to say that he's normally a very appreciative and thoughtful man. I've never been happier with anyone else and he does a lot for me and the kids. He helps clean, cook, and we do everything in our household together. Take care of the yard, and the house as a team. But when it comes to parenting we both have very different ways of disiplining. I was a nanny for 2 years so that is very driven into me and hard to turn off sometimes. I have to realize that these kids are half mine now and not just someone I'm nannying. Bed time went really well and when we laid down in bed the fight began!

Basically he thinks that I only think the worst of SS7 and that I just expected him to be doing something wrong when I got home. Another thing that I should point out, after FDH snapped at me and I started walking over to SS7 to see if he was ok, SS7 yells out "I'm not having any stupid root beer floats, I'm not watching a dumb movie, and I'm not doing ANYTHING!" and proceeds to bury his head in the couch and cry. So of course that's my cue to just walk away, he obviously doesn't want to be comforted and he's very angry and hurt. So as we were laying in bed, FDH accuses me of not showing SS7 love and comfort when he was hurt. I explained that he had just shouted very rudely at me and if he felt well enough to do that, he didn't need any comfort from me, he was getting it all from daddy and was obviously mad at me for some reason. I don't baby the kids .. I treat them VERY well and they'll both attain to that, but one thing I don't do is reward bad and rude behavior, and going over to him and showing him love and comfort would have done just that. So needless to say the night ended badly.

The next day FDH apologized and said he had talked to SS7 that morning and explained that he needs to have more respect for me and if he continues acting the way he does he won't be getting anything or having any fun when he's with us. He explained that you need to treat others how you want to be treated. He said that SS7 understood and apologized and said he felt bad. Which he only does if he's being honest, he's not the type of kid who can fake emotions. So, FDH apologized and explained that it was his fault and he needs to back up my disipline more and show me respect and set a good example for the kids. So this is my LONG vent session, but I needed to get it out so I could get some advice!