Omg, THAT'S why you were pissed off?!
So last week I posted a blog about have SO's anger at BM taken out on me. This is completely on him.
In the end, he didn't want to discuss it with me, but it came up in the course of me informing him I will never allow him to take BM's crap out on me. Turns out BM was threatening to take SD from SO. WOW. Let me just put on my "shock and outrage" face. She's only been threatening this for as long as SO and I have been dating. (over a year and a half) She knows very well how much of a button it is. She also told him that SD hates to be at his house. Really? Is that why she spends so much time with us and was actually upset that I left town without her this weekend?
SD is manipulative, however, so is BM. BM is also bipolar and will yell at SD for anything. Therefore, SD would tell her whatever it is that she wants to hear. Not that I think SD actually said she doesn't like it at SO's house.
Sad thing is, neither one of us really knows what goes on at BM's house. SD lies too much to know what is truth and what's just to get us to feel sorry for her. Oh, I'm sorry, correction. I don't know what's actually going on at BM's house, because SO will pretty much believe anything negative about BM.
As a recap, SO was SUPER pissed off because BM spouted off her normal lies and her well used threat. And SO let it get to him...again. Not so bright, are you SO?
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I get frustrated when SO
I get frustrated when SO tells me "he's scared of losing SD, that's why he gives into BM". Drives me insane because the country we live in, that just WONT happen! If anything, he'd get MORE time with SD, but no matter how many times I tell him (or the therapist) he's still.... scared! Ugh. Unattractive!
BM pulls the "SD doesn't want to go to your house" line too... after one distressed pick up, when SD3 FINALLY got into the car, she told SO "I didn't come to your car because it makes Mommy angry" ...not that we will ever be able to convince BPD GUBM that the only reason SD would ever say she doesn't want to come to our house is due to HER freakouts about SD coming here.. SD LOVES our house! I hate living in crazy people messed up world full of lies!
God! I find that so damned
God! I find that so damned off-putting when DH used to do that. Really turned me off him - soooo weak and spineless!! thankfully, he's seen the light and is standing up to the heifer - he's no longer communicating with her bc of her greed and manipulation.
DH woke up to himself after speaking to a couple of his friends who have been through the battles with SD that we have. They showed him the light and made him realise that the only person he should be focusing on keeping happy is his partner, me. Everyone else and everything else will just have to adapt.
If he hadn't done this - I would've left because I couldn't deal with all the manipulation and crap that is BM and SD.
Fingers crossed that my SO
Fingers crossed that my SO wakes up soon, because otherwise I'll be leaving. Just like you, I can't and won't deal with all the manipulation and crap. And I sure as hell don't believe that marrying him will fix it.
Hoo boy, been there with FDH.
Hoo boy, been there with FDH. The first two years we were together, he did nothing but give into GUBM's ridiculous demands and play the Disney dad to SD because he was afraid of losing her. It was a sick and twisted game that resulted in him bending over backwards for both of them while neglecting our relationship.
Luckily, he got wise, so I hope your SO gets wise, too.
Once these type of BMs learn
Once these type of BMs learn that they can use that threat to get what they want, it is a losing battle. That is why these men need to know their rights and be willing to hold BM in contempt if she does not comply with the CO.
My husband swore to me when we first got together that he would not let BM use his daughter to manipulate him. She tried up until the day CS was done but he stuck to his guns, always. It wasn't easy and there were times we didn't get SD when we should have because of BM, but it had to be done to show her he was not going to let her walk all over him. He did enough of that when they were married.
"he's scared of losing SD,
"he's scared of losing SD, that's why he gives into BM".
The dirty little secret is that the more he gives in to the BM--and in the process, usually kisses the backsides of the skid(s)--the FASTER he will alienate them! This just gives an excuse for the BM and the skids to show a complete lack of respect for biodad, thus contempt. Soon the skid(s) won't want to be around wet noodle daddykins--other than to extort goodies and prezzies.
I LOVE when the foolish mistakes biodad makes causes him to turn around and take his frustrations that HE CAUSED by kissing the BM's backside out on SM!!
Then, in turn, SM loses ALL RESPECT for biodad and the rest is history!! A "self-fulfilling prophecy" if there ever was one!