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I wound up with a 2 and a 3 year old dropped in my lap. Since my sailor husband worked during the day I quit my part time job to take care of them. And since he was sooooo tired after work, I did most the work at night too and in the mornings on weekends since he was just "too tired" to get up and find out what his kid was getting into in the bathroom. I was already depressed, but now being overwhelmed with no support or encouragement or help, and angry with my husband I was suicidal............. Since then alot has happened between my husband and I leading to our divorce..... Now I am very much in love with a man this time with 2 kids of his own from a previous marriage a girl and boy 6 and 7 years old. Since they are older and stay with their mother most the time I'm sure it will be easier, but thistime around some support, encouragement, and help adjusting to the whole step mother thing and the "my man has kids with another woman" thing would be nice. I want to go in confident and head strong for my man.
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Oh wow... knowing what I do
Oh wow... knowing what I do now, I would have to say... RUN!!! I am NOT saying that to be mean. But I know now what I got myself into, and know that it is hard.
It may be easier that BM has them most of the time, but be warned that this may make for some serious guilty parenting issues. I am not saying that is the case, but he may be one of those dads that says that he doesnt get them most of the time, so he shouldn't "parent".
But, he's a great father ^-^
But, he's a great father ^-^
What conclusions?
What conclusions?
Well, they def. aren't
Well, they def. aren't toddlers so i'm sure they can communicate, use a toilette, know right from wrong and be more obedient and independent. And they do stay with their mother, it's part of the custody agreement. They stay with their mother while they're in school and visit their father for the summer and holidays. My parents are divorced and it was the same way for me. So, i'm not an idiot, but I really don't see what you're getting at.
Your may think your walking
Your may think your walking into this relationship with your eyes opened & better prepared, but you aren't. It doesn't matter that the kids are older, heck my Skids were 9 & 11 when I first met them, it took the BM 6 months to turn them against me and make my life a living hell and my FH is a great dad. Its taken time, hard work, persistence and many hours of therapy just rebuild a relationship with them. Its been 2 long hard years
You really need to take a step back and look at the WHOLE picture without the "rose colored glasses" because life as you know it will cease and a new chapter that you won't be the author of is going to begin.
Stepparenting is not for the weak at heart, you can't just run away if things don't go your way. So please think long and hard!
Well, i'm not here to
Well, i'm not here to complain about how terrible my life is and find people to agree. I'm here to find encouragement and support. I love my man, he treats me well, and I wont leave him simply because he has kids from a previous marriage which he had to leave because his wife was cheating on him with multiple men. He will have to mistreat me and/or do something terrible to me to give me a good reason to leave him. My last husband mistreated me and raped me in the end.
I'm not saying my life is
I'm not saying my life is horrible. I love my FH & my 2 Skids & my 4 bio kids very much. What I'm saying to you is that its not all wine roses and bubble baths! Its hard work and determination!
If your looking for someone to stand in the cheering section and lie to you and tell you how wonderful and easy its going to be, your in the wrong place. However we all will give you encouragement, support and we will all be honest and straight forward with you. We all have our great times as steps, and we all have those moments that make us shake our heads and wonder "What the f$@k was I thinking". Whether you want to believe it or not, your going to have those moments too!
I wish you the best of luck.
I'm not saying I think it
I'm not saying I think it will be easy, I know it's not, i've been there before. The thing is my husband was doing nothing to help me and I was getting more criticism than support. Just look at my pic... Do I look like a sissy? Noooooo, if I can make it through bootcamp I can handle this. But even in bootcamp I had support and encouragement fom my fellow recruits. If I can put up with 3 rdc's I can handle one pissy ex wife. I made my ex husband's ex cry like the little b$%*h she is. (of course my first route is to try and befriend her ^-^) I can do it, I just don't wanna do it alone and I don't want some crappy husband making it worse. I am woman, hear me roar *rawr* XD
Congrats on falling in love
Congrats on falling in love again honey...it's such a good feeling,falling in love and being loved. Stepfamilies are hard,as you already know, but really open and honest communication can truly save you during tough times. The kids are mostly with their mom but maybe you and your new man can try to have a plan in place for how possible changes in that dynamic will be handled. Most stepfamilies that fail, failed because they had no plan,no boundaries and no rules in place. Most find out the hard way that ya can't just wing it and hope to survive,I'm one of those 'hard way learners'. So my advice is, take some couples communication seminars, have multiple strategies in place for handling bm,skids in teen years,and the possibility of having skids more than you currently have them. Things change, your best action is to be prepared. That way,there is no confusion about your role and skids role when things get tough. Good luck doll, I hope this one works out for you.