The very good:

This just got back to me last night via FH who was told by my mom. Apparently while at Xmas at my folks house my mom asked SD what she thought about FH and my recent engagement. SD said that she's been calling me her step mom since the day she met me, so it's no big change for her, but she's happy it's official.

I actually kind of knew this b/c at a school function about 6 months ago one of SD's friends mom came up and congratulated me and asked to see my ring. I realized SD had been telling people FH and I were engaged then, but it was nice to hear her tell my mom something so nice too

Also, SD was so good while we were there, not that it is a surprise, but she offered to help my mom multiple times, was respectful, but engaged in talking to people, etc. No sitting in the corner playing Nintendo DS for her!!!!

The "ugly":

I guess I still have a lot to learn in the parenting department. My immediate family, mother, father, and grandparents are wonderful people, loving, caring, funny and engaging, kind of like me But my extended family, well, there are some problems. I have two cousins in particular that have had a pretty hard shake at life, with an addict mom and a convict dad, they're uneducated, crass people. I'm used to it, they've always been there, but I didn't stop to think about how SD would react to them. Granted, she knows WT, she does live with the BM after all, but I guess one of these cousins (a 29 yr old woman with a child mind you) told her and FH that they looked alike, and when they said thank you the cousin said "I never said that was a good thing". HOW RUDE!!!! To say that to a child who doesn't know anyone there, it's just wrong. I am sure in her lack of social graces mind she was just kidding, but it was totally rude to say that to a child!

I didn't catch this exchange when it happened, but believe me, SD and FH were very uncomfortable as a result. Since I heard about this, I have been raising hell in my family to get said offending cousin banned from Xmas next year. My parents go through so much to host the holiday for anywhere from 12-25 people, and this cousin and the rest of their WT conclave sit on their @sses while my parents and grandparents bust their butts in the kitchen to prepare a holiday feast, that ain't cheap mind you, and never once has this cousin said thank you, or offered to help, or brought a lousy bottle of wine, etc.

After the meal it was even worse, this cousin and her sister used this as an opportunity to exchange gifts, while the rest of the family just stood there. I had a small gift for everyone, and we passed them out and left, I was so angry!

The silver lining:

Anyway, I told my parents how uncomfortable said cousin's remarks made FH and SD, and how we would love to have my parents and grandparents to our home next Xmas, but if this cousin was invited to Xmas next year, we would not be coming. FH and I try very hard to elevate SD out of her BM's white trash uncouth world, and I'm NOT exposing her to that crap again! My mom was horrified to hear what the cousin said, and called FH to talk to him about it.

I'm now really glad all this happened. My mother has put the family grape vine word out that said cousin is not welcome at Xmas next yr b/c of her rude behavior, and she and FH had a very good conversation where she told him she would rather he and SD come to the holidays than this cousin, or most of that family even, how impressed she was with SD, how much it meant for her to be there, etc. I've told him they feel this way, but it means so much more to him to hear it himself. I know he was really happy after that conversation, and it went a long way towards making him feel a part of my family, and welcome. He's felt very insecure around it b/c my parents were very fond of my Ex, and he was "mr. normal" with FH being more of the artistic dramatic soul that I am.... Plus he doesn't have much of a relationship with anyone in his family, so it's really important to have my family in our lives.

Guess BM doesn't even have to be around for SOME drama to come into play!