Do Most Men Expect "Sister Wives" or "Babymommas" When They Marry/Remarry?
and is it just a "guy" thing? Frankly, I've never heard of "Brother Husbands", but have witnessed many a "ManWhore"
What do you all think?
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Comments
I think there is something to
I think there is something to this. I think some men want to stick with traditional gender roles and when they lose one wife/mom/gf whatever, rather than picking up the slack and sucking it up as a single parent they find a "fill in" or "replacement" and expect her to just hop in and do the mom thing the way the BM did if she handled most things or much better than the BM did if she was lousy. They probably want the BM and SM to be on the same page and to stay out of the "mom" stuff and keep doing the "man" things.
I think the biggest warning sign for me would be how long the man was single after his divorce/separation/whatever. When I met DH he had been a single parent for two years with 50/50. I had been a single parent full time for a year so when we eventually moved in together it was amazing for both of us having someone else there to pitch in and do anything. We were both so used to doing it all ourselves. I don't think he expected any type of "sister wives" relationship with BM and me because he had already been pulling his weight. I don't know if that really answered the question or not lol.
*ayd*. Sounds realistic as
*ayd*. Sounds realistic as to why some men find a fill in. My SO was single almost 3 years…Long enough to appreciate a help mate, (but also long enough for a mini-wife to rear its ugly head.)
He never expects "all his women" to just get along, and he actually gets physically sick almost if he has to talk or be around BM. Just seems that a lot of men around here either check in with the ex or check out way too much.
I guess it depends on the
I guess it depends on the situation. My world is pretty much the antithesis of the life DH left. In my case, no, he was not looking for a "mom" for his kids. He had enough of that. I've often asked him why he didn't go after a single mom instead of a childless woman like me. It turns out that he did have fantasies that I would be a good influence on his children, but not in the way you are describing. Those kids have been held captive by a woman who wants life to look like a TV show from the 1950s...but only when it is advantageous to her of course. He hoped his kids would see a better alternative to the repressive patriarchal environment BM thrives in. He regrets that he allowed himself to enter into that life and even more so that he brought innocent children into it.
I know people like that too.
I know people like that too. I know a couple that did Disney together, as in mom and stepdad, dad and stepmom, mom and dad's bios along with any kids of the step parents after the remarriages. I don't understand how that is healthier than parallel parenting, seems like it would just be confusing for the kids. Plus, I'm not really a jealous person, but I would definitely have an issue with DH having any kind of relationship with BM that wasn't only about the kids.
"Once we moved in together,
"Once we moved in together, we both let it go and let each other know what was going on. Damn I wish he'd kept it to himself."
That's what happened to me. I knew some of what was going on before we moved in with each other but I never saw her texts or listened to the voice-mails she left. I completely underestimated the level of dysfunction in their relationship. He swore up and down there was no "relationship" but what else should it be called? She was still dumping all of her vitriolic emotions on him and he still felt the need to know where her head was to ward off any potential threats. It's gotten worlds better since I demanded boundaries. He finally realized that he never was in control and hearing from her every single day was slowly killing him (and our relationship).
I think some men live in la
I think some men live in la la land and have no business dating and remarrying until they superglue their balls back on.
My DH is divorced from his first wife, and very sensibly acts like it. None of this "my current wife needs to suck it up because I want it both ways" bullshit.
"my current wife needs to
"my current wife needs to suck it up because I want it both ways"
DH was divorced 3 years from BM but they had a ongoing emotional relationship (that they called co-parenting) for the sake of the child. Of course, BM said they had to co-parent because she wanted to keep a close eye/and fist on DH's $$.
After we got married and I realized what was going on I firmly told DH I am not playing the "sister wives" game under any circumstances!!! If you like her so much you should of never divorced her.
It has taken awhile for him to get my drift and BM still doesn't always get it but she's a little slow sometimes.
My suggestion for any woman is to make sure that the man has totally separated from the BM, physically and emotionally long before you come into the picture.
"My suggestion for any woman
"My suggestion for any woman is to make sure that the man has totally separated from the BM, physically and emotionally long before you come into the picture." This is extremely good advice.