Heck of a night!! Bombs everywhere
So SD goes off on me beause I moved her dinner off the stove. Since she came back after leaving for approx. 30m because no one wanted her to stay with them, She goes off on me and starts throwing stuff around the kitchen. She is hollowering saying how myH needs to control me better and I think I have the right to touch her stuff because he doesnt control me like he should.
I usually stand there and take the verbal abuse but i start telling her how lucky she is to not be sleeping in her car after last time and she should be glad her dad even let her back because I would not have let her back her. H has to grab her because she is recking the house throwing furniture.
MyDD comes out and just screams at the top of her lungs and starts crying baby DD is laying on the couch crying.
SD trys to hug DD but H tell her no and goes to get DD and take her into the bedroom. So now SD is even madder saying oh now I cant hug my sister you guys are ridiculous I have to be the adult while you ( meaning me) is almost 50 (just hit 40 but another dig she thinks)
I tell her she should be glad she isn't in her car after her last hissy fit but she says (bombshell) DAddy begged me to come back he and MIL begged me to come back here with tears and I wish I would have stayed in my car. YOu are awful parents and you (meaning me) are emboldened (???) and never show me respect. H comes out and tells her to go in her room. (because I'm in the middle of telling SD well I didn't beg you to come home so go in sleep in your car no one is stopping you.
I tell her she doesnt pay rent, gas , cable, lights, and just started buying her food the month. (Second BOmb of the night) She says I tried to pay rent but daddy wont take it so he can hold it over my head( news to me and what ??)
She tells her daddy that he is awful and never did anything for her. YOu can see that cuts him deep. He is like how can you say that. Then she turns to me and tells me I am an awful step mother and I am only a mother to my kids. I nod and finish cooking dinner.
She says she has always been the adult and I am just awful to her and daddy needs to control me better so I will learn to respect her!
OK HERE IS THE KICKER!!! H says you told me how you made up all the stuff you said she did to you and that you were sorry....WHAT!!!THE!!!!.... then she said I never said that I said I do mean things to her because she is mean to me.
MInd you she is still tossing stuff so H finally grabs her and says go to you room. She turns to him and says "Why what are you going to do ?
He just defeatedly says go to your room. She goes but not before one last zinger to him. YOU have lost your daughter I will never speak to you again. (As she stomps into her rent controlled room)
So I ask hubby if that is true she told him she purposely lied about me and he never told me. He said he didnt want to make a problem?
Ok I don't know how to put into words what I am feeling. but you guys get it right
Lets highlight:
1. She didn't apologize and ask to come home MIL and H begged her to come home after calling me a bitch in front of my kids.
2. He told her not to pay rent or any thing else while we are struggling right now because of covid
3. She has been purposefully lying on my ( about what and how much and to whom for how long) and doing mean things to me (I have told H over the years the stuff I know she has done and he treated me like I was crazy to accuse Princess, but now I'm wondering about the "mean stuff" I don't know about like and I drinking spit water or is she doing something to my food. Or has she done "mean stuff to my DD's?
H new all this time that the stuff I told him about his DD was true and he ...made me feel like cinderella step mom or worst.
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I would not raise my children
I would not raise my children in a home that screaming, yelling and furniture throwing (??!) was common. Even semi-common.
Given the way your husband has been, it is obvious that he is unable to make the situation better for you and your bios. At this point, I would give an ultimatum - you and your bios or sd must leave. There would be no more "trying". I refuse to raise my children among trashy people.
So, what are you going to do
So, what are you going to do about this?
I would never tolerate my SD calling me a bitch and talking to me and acting this way in my home.
BUT, neither would my DH.
I have no idea?
I not really sure
Now why would she say those things
If daddy had been teaching her to respect you?
If you say it's because daddy hasn't ever taught her to respect you, you got it right. You need to get you and your daughter out of that situation. Even if SD leaves it seems as though your DH will listen to and feed her narrative. So there will always be a gap between you and DH.
No respect
But now he sees she doesnt respect him either. She said he never did anything for her. I counter he never let her do anything for herself.
I thought I was over reacting being a bad step. He knew all this time she hated me. I am in the house with a Lifetime movie
It was a scene
It was a scene similar to this that led me to telling my SD "if you are so miserable here then you can get the f*ck out, b*tch!" Not my finest moment but she was so offended and shocked that she was gone within the week. Of course, her father had finally had it with the chaos as well and her appeals to him fell on deaf ears so I can not claim all the credit. Had he supported her "right" to stay, I doubt we would have survived as a couple as I had truly hit my limit. Obviously your mileage may vary but it sounds like you may be teetering on the same kind of line as I was. How close are you to blowing your top?
Your DH clearly has been playing both sides trying to keep the peace. Mine had been as well and I was not entirely certain where he was going to land when pushed. Fortunately he hit on the correct side of the fence in my situation. I wish you every possible bit of luck in yours. I was genuinely pissed that he had been taking the coward's way out in appeasing a young adult bent on drama and revenge for perceived slights but it was the habit of a lifetime and seemed like the right thing to do at the time. (Neville Chamberlain anyone? LOL) It was somewhat easier to forgive him for it when she was out. Hopefully that will happen for you and soon!
Exactly
I am still in shock a little. Not shock but surprise maybe, relief that I am not imagining years of disrespect by SD. He literally told me at one point in our relationship that SD does not lie ever. So I am wondering if I was projecting my dislike on her. But then I had to remind myself all the things I tried to do for and with her. When we got married I was single with no kids and a better job than him ( we worked together but I had better pay) Then he got promoted and I got pregnant and laid off so we decided I would be a stay at home mom wih the kids.
I would have called the cops when she was that abusive!!
She wants respect, claims she’s the adult in that hone... then stop screaming like a crazy banshee chucking a tantrum of a 4 yr old...
when she chucked that hissy fit and wanted to hold your daughter and tried to play innocent victim, she should have been told that your daughter is crying because she hhas been so abusive that evening screaming and throwing furniture
First thing I said. You are
First thing I said. You are holloring at her mother and upsetting her ...again. That's when she started saying how awful her dad and I are and how she ahd to be the adult in this relationship
How old is this banshee?
How old is this banshee? Pack her off to her BM and be done.
No mother
That use to be the excuse by everyone. Her mother passed when she was a baby. She was suppose to MIL last blow up (I think that is her hype person) but MIL called and asked H to let her back. A least that is the story I got. Sd said H and MIL begged her to forgive me and go home
Once she started throwing
Once she started throwing things I would have called the cops. I'm sure she could have found accomadations thru them.
Haha lol jail accommodation must be way better than the torture
Of bio dad and stepmum.
No doubt once she leaves she will play the pity me card again.
if she becomes a crazy banshee, she gets the privilege of being tazered... such an honour right??
*being sarcastic here ok*
I'd have called the cops as
I'd have called the cops as soon as she started chucking stuff around the kitchen. Why didn't you? You should have called them and told them that you were scared and that she was violent! Who the F does she think she is and why are you standing for this ridiculous nonsense? Why are you waiting for this to blow over? Have you NO self-respect?
I don't know
I know in my head that she is dangerous to my well being but up until he admitted she had be purposefully undermining me and he knew I thought I was overeacting. Years of being on this sight reading stories I know many of you understand the H acting llike you are being ridiculous and have to be the Adult. So Im like just try harder or be understanding or the famous " What if it was your daughter.
Stop this passive nonsense
Stop this passive nonsense NOW! Get this poison and violent witch out of your home. Stop pandering to your miserable husband and start taking responsibility for your life and think of your children! They do not deserve to be subjected to this level of violence. Your sd is an adult and as such needs to go and find her own place. Get rid of her. Take photos of the damage she's done and use them to get a restraining order tomorrow morning. And I don't give a monkey's if your duh objects, just do it.
Why should your kids have to grow up surrounded with violence? You are an adult - how can you just stand there?
This woman is an adult. If
This woman is an adult. If she is not paying for the home, she has no right to be there. If I were in this situation, I would kick her out, get a restraining order, and kick my DH out, too. The fact that your DH didn't immediately demand that she leave the house is troubling to me, especially since you have other young children at home.
I thought this would be it.
She went off. She has NEVER done that in front of him before a couple of weeks ago. BUt this time she bucked up on him and was like "What are you going to do about it" in his fave shoulders squared. He was so defeated. So I'm saying go sleep in your car no one wants you here but H was like go to your room and I knew then he was saying it as a counter to my telling her to leave. I might as well have been silent.
Go to your room SD go to your room He just kept saying that to her. ( HEr room. We have been talking for weeks about her leaving) He said she is saving money and should be gone by Oct. but now I know that was what he told me not her.
So call the cops and have her
So call the cops and have her removed!
Yes.^^^ Letting her stay
Yes.^^^ Letting her stay there is just not an option, anymore. SHE blew it. SHE did. This is not you being the bad guy, or not liking her, or whatever your husband or anybody else wants to claim. This is all on her and if she has to live in her car, it's her fault, she put herself there. She can find a friend to live with, go to MIL's or wherever, but there is no defense or excuse for this behavior.
Get her out of your house. She's crossed a line and your husband doesn't get a say, anymore.
Anyone who disrespect me in MY house
Would be out the door ASAP. If DH said anything, he would be next to go with her. She is an adult, no need to be in your home. She can sleep in her car.
So her mum died
thats not an excuse to feel sorry for her.
op, i feel like you have been abused by your husband and sd.... you have had to cop it for so long that you feel you can’t escape because money is tight, the insecurity of how will we survive etc...
thats how alot of battered women feel... sd needed to ave the cops called on her pronto!! I remember your story months back when she pushed you and didn’t she try to grab bubs again like an innocent victim when bubs was crying because the crazy bitch pushed you into the wall while you were carrying bubs??
a few yrs back my ss at 1.30am ran around our house to our upstairs bedroom screaming. He claimed there wer demons in his room and talking in a language we’ve never heard of. Thats a 19 yr old who is a computer addict and locked himsef off from the world.
i told my husband had i been alone with our newborn and 1.5 yr old when that happened, i would have whacked ss with hubbys golf clubs and called th cops to remove him...
Whilst my skids are not physically abusive, they do dish out emotional abuse, manipulation and guilt their dad to get their way, taking cheap digs at you when they can... even then i told my husband he allowed that abuse to continue when it shouldn’t and just because he hasn’t hit me or laid a hand on me or swore at me before, the fact he enabled and encouraged his kids to emotionally abuse me and my kids and disrespect us and our boundaries made him no better because he subjected and allowed us to this abuse.
time to bring the hammer on your dipshit husband!! Sd has to leave in 48 hours or you will call the police.... don’t wait for a next time. In reality she needs to be out now. Next time call the cops!! There needs to be a paper trail of her behaviour and your husband doing absolutely nothing to calm her down and remove her from your home. Tell the police you feared for your life, cry to the police after that she came after your baby like she wanted to calm her down when bubs was terrified of her
the fact is there is a likely chance you will have to divorce this man for failing to protect you from this abuse, you need a paper trail from police to show sd is a danger and cannot come near the both of you even on daddys parenting time... the fact her mum died doesn’t justify the abuse she dishes out
throwing furniture around isn’t normal. Plenty of us get angry but we have an outlet for that. We jog, go to boxing class, cook or sew or whatever hobbies we have. We don’t go around punching things and throwing furniture around.
Op, take a deep breath and repeat the following:
”you are your husbands wife, his equity life partner. He does not control you or put you into line. The only person needing to be put into line is his crazy bitch of a daughter!!”
the next time she orders him to control you, tell her its 2020, we are equal life partners and she is sorely mistaken that daddy has to control his wife, the lady of the house. Sd is a guest and the only one daddy needs to teach respect and manners. Sd is the only one daddy needs to put in her place!!”
Stand your ground, she has abused you long enough.. she is tryingn to be the alpha female in your home. There is only one place for an alpha female and that privilege is for yours truly- YOU!!
plenty of us with sd’s have the same issues of sd mini wives trying to be the alpha female and trying to control stepmum and put her in her place. Your place is on the pedestals side by side with your husband. Sd is way at the bottom as she should be...
my sd’s 2 yrs ago had bio mum order them to order daddy to order i make myself present at all skid meets. I had an almost 1 yr old and 2.5 yr old children at that point and it was such an inconvenience and tje fact a whole weekend day was wasted on useless skids ranting on about bio mum and stepdaddy daily life and bullshit... i put my foot down and told hubby that his 2 effin bitches (aka sd’s) and their crazy bio mum could eff themselves if they could even think they could order me around to make myself available.
i don’t get ordered around by kids with no life experiences or the worst example of a bio mum that is hubbys exwife
i took my power back thanks to fellow stepmums on steptalk who told me what was happening to me was so typical in blended life
yep
she put her hands on me. I should have left then but I didn't and in the long run Im glad I didnt but I wish I had set boundries back then. NO backing down.