It is time I let it go but..
Sd is gone at least for now. Rumor is she is getting a house with her bestfriend and the friends boyfriend. I think H is getting an earful from MIL but he never tells me about it I am just assuming. So Sd room has been closed like some sort of shrine to her. So I broke the barrier cleaned out her bathroom and made it shine then went to her room.
She left alot of personal items (and trash of course). I went through some boxes of junk she left and there was an old diary.
NOt what you think I was not mentioned once like I never existed. (not upset just surprised. Like at the end of Game of thrones spoiler alert...........
When Tyrion learned he wasn't even mentioned in the book of Ice and Fire.
Anyway what bothered me is how awful she really was/is. H admitted she had been doing mean stuff to me on purpose ( like a tic in my head going over and over) but in her journal she wrote how she was hanging with her cousins because she hated them. Especially the one girl cousin, her age,. Sd said she was hanging out with her to do stuff to make her miserable. Why?
I remember how every one in the family though Sd was so wondrful going to the cousins house and taking then places ..
A lttle back story, Sd mother died and she gets a pension starting at 18 unti 40s. She bought a car and clothes and started hanging out with cousins ( They lost their mother but physically but she didn't die they were raised by their grand/ SD great Aunt.
Anyway she was going over their supposedy to help and show them how to be a good girl. She got into a fight with the one of the girl cousins (she said the girl said something about her mom but didn't sound like she would just do that, And the boy she punched, I knew that was mean because the family would have killed him for touching SD. It was a mess of her causing but some how she cam out like roses and they were the bad kids SD had to be careful of.
So now I know she was being mean to them like she was being to me and it is making me shaky with anger for all my wasted years. Crazy right. I know I can not go back and she is gone. But I know for a fact who ever she is with it won't work because of her vindictive streak. H is going to feel guilty but I cant let her back..
HOw do I let this go?
Just knowing what I know, I cant put in words I didn't tell H what I read and I didn't finish cleaning out the room because I was so upset about what I read. I know this is long. It was more of a vent to get off my chest then anything really. What kind of person hangs out with someone just to make them miserable with the forethought to do that???eh yuk
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You can look at it as a blessing
Thank you SD for your honesty. Thank you for showing who you really are. Thank you for showing what a waste any further nice deeds would be on you. The truth isn’t a pleasant thing to process but it’s better to know who you really are so everyone can move on and away.
But Im the only one that knows.
I ddnt mention the journal and H new what she was doing to me. And MIL is going for bat for her like she is a battered child. and my kids. They probably think I kicked out their big sister.
Yes but knowing still helps
Yes but knowing still helps you. If your DH is the sort of person that knows and ignores her bad behaviour then I’m sure he’s also the type to make excuses for her and shrug it off as no big deal. And that sort of gaslighting makes you question yourself and your sanity. Are you overreacting to being treated like shit or is it no big deal? Well here’s some personal knowledge for you: you are not the problem. Here’s validation that it’s not all in your head. You know exactly how messed up she is. Be confident in yourself that you are not wrong to set up boundaries to protect yourself.
Exactly
But at least I know. No she wont return at least not with me in the same home
I had a step mom who looked
I had a step mom who looked through my diary and I hate her for it. She humiliated me and that shit has had a lasting effect. That was wrong. Period. I was hoping you would take ownership of that somewhere in your post but you didn't. You should never look through someone's diary, unless they know in advance you plan on looking through it later. What might help you let go is knowing you aren't perfect either.
Good to know I am not perfect
Was scared there for a moment.
Dude. she left for who knows
Dude. she left for who knows how long and left it behind, leaving OP to clean up her disaster. As she's no longer a resident of the home and lef tit behind, guess it wasn't so important. It doens't even matter. OP doesn't plan to use this info to humiliate her.
No I wouldn't use it against her.
It was so sad. And I am glad I read it because now I know I was not crazy.
Feral Forger SD21
when she graduated high school, she was already 18.
She just started sleeping and living somewhere else with no texts, no phone calls, no communications about "hey Im not living with you guys anymore, Im living at XYZ. NOPE. Ive since come to understand this is her typical MO. Because roughly 1 year later she moved in with Toxic Troll Bm, and is "in-n-out" leaving her trash behind so in case she wants to come back she has a little "claim staked". Many times Munchkin has described massive amounts of cleaning that happens when she temporarily moves out. This is why I made the recomendation I do below. It sounds like your SD is similar. Even to hating girl cousins and treating them badly.
She left all her trash, clothes, a pot pipe, a vibrator, an empty bottle of whiskey, dishes, old food, a journal (glanced at it did not read it, had zero interest in her thoughts.) papers, etc.
So, 7 months after she stopped sleeping at our house, while DH was telling me that he was going to make a dump run, I mobilised into hyper speed. He took out the electrice bed base, the mattress, the vanity, chair and 2 bookcases, along with the bags of trash.
I buoght plastic bins, for things like trophies and clothes and children toys that she kept. Her sister Munchkin SD14 helped me out. Her comment afterwards was "I feel really dirty right now". She was the one that found the vibrator, btw.
Once cleaned I decorated with a large fish tank, some fish, a tree, some bookcases, knockknacks, candles. I took off the door. Made it into a sort of dressing room, with a leather-topped writing desk.
OP - I recomend you take that mother over immediately. Make it yours. Sage it or whatever you need to do. No bed for "guests".
Yes
That is good advice. Clean it out and make it something else