Update on steplife
Luckily there has not really been any drama with steplife. DH reached out to the resource teacher about the yearly iep meeting and providing his availability before they reached out to him for them to hopefully use his availability to schedule the meeting. A week ago the resource teacher sent an email to DH, BM, and SD's teacher asking if in a block of two weeks would BM and DH be available for the IEP meeting within a 3 hour time block (that matches DH's availability). DH responded that any day during that time would work and BM still hasn't responded. DH even messaged BM to let her know they reached out and she still hasn't responded to it which was called out in today's email asking again DH if his availability was the same for next week since they have not heard back from BM yet. I really am not surprised.
BM has not said anything about her and step dad getting divorced. SD said on a video call that SD and sister might switch rooms with BM because "BM doesn't need as big of a room anymore" and "BM doesn't want to sleep in there anymore," but that is all she said about it. We didn't really pry or ask anything except "oh, really?" BM mentioned last week that SD "lost" her phone and they have not been able to find it. My guess is step dad didn't want to pay for it anymore. I mean good news for us if SD continues to not have a phone there and better if BM doesn't send SD with one, then we don't need to provide SD with a phone here.
BM continues to not be the easiest always to schedule calls with, but lately seems more like a matter of being disorganized than malicious so there hasn't been drama there either.
BM finally met with the teacher and special education teacher after a month of the school trying to get a hold of BM. SD did better for one week with her school work and tests for it to go right back to SD doing poorly. SD's teacher reached out to BM 3 weeks after meeting with her about SD saying she has not been studying at home for tests without being prompted. The teacher also said that BM needs to be at the very least checking SD's homework since she is getting failing homework grades. Big surprise BM put the blame on Grandma and said she is getting SD a tutor soon (she has been claiming this for months). DH doesn't even ask about the tutor anymore since we know it would go no where.
So yeah, not too much to complain about which is nice. Seems BM is distracted with her personal life between actually working more than one day a week and divorcing step dad to really bother us. Downside is poor SD is suffering from BM's distraction. SD has not been signed up for dance class like BM promised and is spending a lot of time at Grandma's. Unfortunately, like the lawyer told us a few months ago a judge won't flip custody because BM is a mess for a couple of months while going through a divorce so not much to do. Just a little over 3 weeks until we see SD at spring break. SD has told both her teacher and the therapist that she is excited for spring break to see us and her baby sister. DD is 7 months and thriving!
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I'm so happy for you that DD-7mos is thriving and that other
I'm so happy for you that DD-7mos is thriving and that other than BM's loopy bullshit all is well for your half of the blended family picture.
As for kids doing school work. This isn't F'n rocket surgery. It does not even take a whole lot of action from the parent. Evening study two hours every evening where the kid sits at the dining table with their school work, texts, tablets, pencils and does their homework and studies. Simple, easy, etc.... All BM has to do is do a walk by every 30mins or so to check that SD is actually doing her shit.
We grew up with this. Imagine my surprise when I went off to HS at boarding school. The same one my dad had attended, and ....Surprise, eventing study every eventing for 2Hrs Sun-Thurs. No way to get out of it other than to perform accademically. Those on the Deans List only had to do it an hour every evening then could go to the club room to grab a burger and fries, socialize, etc....
Evening study at Military School was the same as it had been at home. The difference being that at school our baracks room door had to be open, we had to be at our desks, and we had to be studying. No shining shoes, no playing grab ass, no writing letters. We had to have our books open and clearly doing school work or studying. Cadet leaders circulated the halls throughout evening study ensuring that ther was no screweing around. The commandant office staff, and even the General (school president) would make a showing at any random moment. Academic performance was part of the inter Company competition. If your Company won then there were perqs that came along with that for everyone in the Company.
It really takes an incredible level of lazy parental bullshit for a kid to fail to perform academically.
I would be baring BM's ass on that without fail. Shit happens. Her divirce # whatever is no excuse for SD not doing her damned homework. Academic portals where BM can check on work assignements and communicate with teachers have been a thing for so long that it takes so much effort for a parent to not know wtf is going on with their kids grades and school work that a parent has to actually work to facilitate their kid failing.
smh
IMHO of course.
I would also add that DH can
I would also add that DH can reinforce from afar too. Daily calls to remind and ask about homework. The message should also be clearly that "You are old enough to be responsible for making sure you complete your school assignments. If you are stuck, call us if your mom isn't available. But. hearing that you are not doing homework dissappoints daddy because he wants you to do well in school so that you will grow up to have a happy life"
So DH can’t reinforce from afar
During the week on school work for multiple reasons. There is a 3 hour time difference, Both DH and I are still working when school gets out there. Secondly, Grandma has been the one with SD after school because of BMs new work schedule so with SD not having a phone, there's no way in hell she's using Grandmas phone to contact us and even if BM was home same thing. It isn't that SD isn't doing her homework, she is, but it isn't all done correctly which is why the teacher was telling BM to at the very least check it. SD can't check her own homework.
BM would easily place the blame on grandma, but she could easily tell SD to leave her homework at x location for her to look at before BM goes to bed and then review in the am with sd over breakfast, same goes for studying/quizzing SD on spelling, but we know BM won't when both of these things were an issue when BM was working only one day a week so she definitely isn't going to be doing either suddenly now when she is busier.
When the BM is a flake
It's hard to get anywhere with her. To help SD. Obviously BM can't take care of herself. How do you expect her to parent SD. You should reach out to GM. and offer her support. I sure GM didn't think her life would turn out this way. Being a mother again at her age. GM Is the key to your SD life
No she is not
The Grandma hates DH and has since DH separated from BM and BM told her parents all these false things about DH.