How do you cope with this
I have grew up in this small town that my wife and I currently live in for the last 7 years. We have been married for 5 of those. My wifes younger child lived with her dad for the years before. This school year she moved in with us and has been with us all throughout the school year. Her dad lived 40 minutes away from us in the town she went to school before here. He got divorced again because of a prescription drug abuse. Which he has never been in the law with. He has broken into houses to steal drugs and other stories we have heard in the last couple years. Now to be fair he did get a new job in the town we live in but he was fired from his last 2 jobs after being caught breaking into lockers or stealing equipment.
Alright so, he is now moving to the same town we have lived in and oh he is renting a house that is a block down the street from us. Which he never told us, just told his daughter/my step daughter. To me that is awkward but I know he was desperate to move before we go back to court. He wants shared placement which is understandable but he doesn't have a set up that we know of on how she will get to school in the mornings. My biggest question for anyone that listens is, Do we help him out? It is in the benefit for my step daughter but that is his whole ploy. He is a manipulater and a narcissist. On top of all this I deal with the thoughts of him coming in and ruining relationships with the town that I grew up knowing and him lying to make himself look better. Am I overreacting the thought that he will change our living situation? Do I keep my mouth shut when it comes to issues I have? How can boundaries be set so the daughter/step daughter doesn't have so much freedom that she can walk back and forth whenever it works best for her?
I have questions that nobody can answer that I have here.
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No school buses in your town?
No school buses in your town?
No we are not on the bus
No we are not on the bus route as we are a couple blocks from school.
So, why can't she walk to
So, why can't she walk to school?
She does walk to school but
She does walk to school but as far as her getting ready for school and leaving on time. In the winter months, my parents/step grandparents take our girls to school. That would be solely on her as he would leave hours before school starts. At our house, she has her sister and mother in the morning to wake her up and get ready.
How old is your step daughter
How old is your step daughter?
10
10
That is young for her to get
That is young for her to get up and get ready on her own. I am home with my SS10 very morning he uses and alarm but his choice. He is still too young to leave home alone and get to school all on his own. he would be home alone for an hour if my DH and I left him.
There are programs out there that do before and after school programs. I have SS in one every morning, I drop him off early and the bus picks him and several other kids there and takes them to school. I do agree with majority on here if he wants her he needs to make arrangements that she gets to school with adult supervision. If you want to help let your wife know some options you have come up with and have her relay them to him.
1. He can drop her at your house on his was to work if he is going to be so close.
2. Find a before school program and explain to them the shared custody agreement.
3. Get a caretaker to come to the home and get her up and ready on his days.
There are options but it is best it be discussed between your wife and him.
Having him drop her off is
Having him drop her off is part of my issue. To me she might as well just stay at our house for school. Instead of getting up earlier than she needs to. As far as my wife and I know, he has not talken to us or her about his plans. He moved to town primarily to avoid paying CS. He moved away from his other daughter who he is already paying CS on.
I understand your feeling
I understand your feeling about him dropping her off but that might the best solution for everyone involved. I have a stepdad who I care for very much and I had a crappy bio-dad growing up. One thing they all did was never talk about one another around me. My stepdad made sure he put what was best for me before his own feelings. He has always done that for me.
He is her dad and has rights to her. She would be getting up really early if he had to find child care for her on his days as well. If she is at your house during the week, her Bio-dad will not have her on the nights either. I know it sucks and is not ideal for you. It maybe what is right and best for SD as she will get to spend time with him.
Getting her ready for school
Getting her ready for school is on him if he wants shared parenting. If he can't do that, then he should stick to weekends.
You did not Help BD make SD
It up to him to figure it out. I would not help him at all. If he has SD it’s up to him to get her to school, get her home, and take care of her. Is it he was to reduce CS because he has her 50/50
It was worked out before the
It was worked out before the school year that he would let her come live with us and she could decide by christmas if she wanted to move back up by him. As she got comfortable and made friends she didn't want to move back. So then the talk came back to next school year for her. Now he moved to town knowing that she doesn't want to go back to the old school.. I should have also added that he leaves all decisions up to her and never discusses with us or the mother. He puts us in a bad spot by making deals and saying things to the child without talking to us. Child support was ended since she was living with us primarily through the school year. We are supposed to be going back to court to figure out the custody and placement by school year end.
She is ten. No ten year old should be able to make this decision.
This is not your problem. It
This is not your problem. It's up to him to figure out the logistics of his visitation. Volunteer nothing. Let him deal with it like a grown up.
Where i grew up plenty of parents in primary
school had their kids walk to school alone and most walked with friends together as a group as you usually had someone living a few streets away. I knew of kids walking 30mins, parents told them it was exercise. Has sd not got any friends to walk with to school together?
None of her classmates live
None of her classmates live close or are on the same walking direction.