I've posted here a couple of times before, during what was basically a firestorm of my SD14's mental illness peaking. I'm happy to say that I can give an update with some more positive news, some small but meaningful steps toward progress.

We have since figured out that the Lexipro she was on was literally making her violent, and since weaning her off of it with the doctor's guidance, she's returned back to "normal," i.e. not smashing mirrors, breaking shit, or needing to be physically restrained--just back to having a frustrating mix of teenage moodiness and the impacts of whatever mental illness is at play (we think it's BPD). Of course, the extreme hypochondria has returned, but that is so much easier to deal with than threats of running away, false calls to CPS, self-harm attempts, and pencils launched at our heads. She starts a partial hospitalization program in a few days. Phew.

After spending time in close quarters with her for a trip to a cabin over Christmas, I also had some epiphanies about interacting with her, and through observing her literally all day for four days straight, I got some deeper insight about her behavior patterns. I was super prepped and ready for dealing with her, and had a lot of backup from her dad in that regard. Of course, her anxiety and mental state still took hold and caused some near meltdowns for her, but we handled them pretty well. I brought her out of some dramatical stuff using humor, which felt good for all of us and created some new bonds. I felt like I deserved a stepmom of the month award, lol. 

In previous posts, I described the monstrous, manipulative, total a-hole stuff she did, and have spoken of her pretty harshly on here and to my therapist. I'm not going to say she's not still capable of that stuff on a certain level, but I feel like something has leveled out that I still can't put a finger on yet--like she's finally sort of getting the message about things, possibly even learning from some experiences. She still says and does occasional super shitty stuff, mostly because of some impulse control issues related to her condition, but I think her dad and I have come a long way in working together and figuring out how to team up to manage it. He's also showing me some support that was a long time coming, and is actively working with me on some communication issues we've had and tackling his stress-induced drinking resurgence head on. 

A massive thing that has helped me keep my cool when I'm around her and not get that familiar rise of resentment and disgust is something my SO did without my even asking him to. We recently had a really good talk about everything that has been going on, and I was able to tell him how deeply nauseating the "DAAADDEEE" stuff is. Recently, I've noticed that she starts with "DADDEE?" in the little tiny voice when she wants/needs stuff, but then corrects herself immediately in her more regular voice, saying "I'm sorry, I mean dad?" I laugh a little bit every time I hear that happen. It's a tiny victory, and I am so glad my SO stepped up to cut it from the equation. I know a lot of folks worry their SO is prone to falling for it, and I was too, but when we talked about it later, he said he didn't like it either, but didn't really know if it was something to correct (duh). 

There have been other small but noticeable improvements happening. Again, it's nowhere near as smooth as it could or should be (see: can't go on vacation in a beautiful place without meltdowns), but for every step back, we take three steps forward these days, which is the reverse of what had been happening before. I'm appreciating these little things right now.