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Does anyone have experience with this behavior?

Omghelpme's picture

My SD9 has always been a bit of a fibber. But recent it seems to have reached a new level. Not only is she lying, but the stories she tells make no sense and the more you ask questions the more confusing it gets. By the end of the conversation I'm so bewildered and confused that I would not even be able to explain the contents of the conversation hardly to a 3rd party. There will end up being 7 different versions that she tells of what happens, none of the details line up, some of the responses are just so odd and make such little sense that I dont even know what to make of it. Theres also alot of talking in circles and claiming she cant remember things that she should realistically be able to. I told DH about a conversation that happened like that today, expecting him to not understand. But to my surprise, he said he knew exactly what I was talking about because he felt the same way and had the same thing happen when he was with his daughters mother. And that he understood the confusion and how it makes your head spin even trying to follow what they're saying and it just made absolutely no sense ever.

Has anyone else dealt with these behaviors? How should it be approached when SD does this? Is this associated with any type if mental disorder that we should know about?


Welcome2Wakanda's picture

My SD11 went through this around the same age. First my husband and I had her look up the word integrity in the dictionary and tell us what she thought about the concept. that worked temporarily. Later what actually seemed to have work in the long-haul, was just pointing out that we were aware that she was not telling the truth. we did not give any consequences or anything we would just say "we know you're not telling the truth". after so much of that I think she just gave up on the stories lol. She's honest now even when she is in the wrong.

Eve-Bee's picture

Yes, unfortunately I have experience with this. My SD19 does this all the time (and also her mom does this). 

Mostly, I have just accepted that I just can´t trust her, or anything she says. But still I hate to admit it, but sometimes it gets to my head and I start questioning my reality, and if my dh is teaming up with her behind my back and hiding reality from me, when the lies involves him and are super detailed. I have no evidence of that, it is just a part of the confusion of being lied to constantly (and she lives with us full time, so I rarly get any breaks from her shitty behavior). Gaslighting is her favorite, and this is in our case the narcissistic word salad part of gaslighting. But my SD also have all of the traits of a narc and so does her mom. Honesty, I really think that narcissism is hereditary, in her case. I came in her life when she was 2, and we have had her more then her mom, yet still at the age when children start learning compassion, empathy and honesty, she was just not capable of it, even though we really kept on trying, it was impossible.

I am trained to work with kids, and I found myself not able to learn her the skill of having empathy for others. So I went to a psychologist, hoping for insights on how to adress this. But, after she heard about everything that was going on, she basicly told me that SD was a genetic blueprint of her mom, and that she would most likely never be able to feel empathy with others. And, that I should look at it like an impairment that she was born with, and that will most likely never change. 

So this ended up to be a rant, I just could relate so much to the concern about this behavior and wanted to share my experinces. But, of course every situation is diffrent and for some there is much more hope than in my SD19 situation. I surly hope you are able to stop this behavior with your SD, it is not good.

Chmmy's picture

3 of my 4 skids are all chronic liars with various disorders. "A bit of a fibber" is too kind. A lying little shit is what i call my skids. 

Ignore the stories. Sounds like it's for attention.  Dont ask questions but rather show your disbelief of the story by saying that doesnt make sense or doesn't sound right.

BethAnne's picture

As she is still quite young I might be tempted to try to acknowledge that you know that her stories are not true and that you would like her to tell you the truth but praise her creativity and encourage her to channel that imagination into writing stories, making comcis, drawing pictures or some other outlet.