I agree with you I'm the queen of my home! You both pay for that home and none of the kids do. I view it as I take care of the kids til they are ready to fly the nest. They have space in my home but they do not own it! If dh is the king then his partner is the queen period! Its called the pecking order and it has always been there. When we were kids it was the same my mom is the queen of her home. It makes sense.

It isn't 'power' it's feeling like you're an equal and that the home is very bit as yours as it is DH's. IMO, I think far too many issues exist when a partner moves into a well established house. It's like it's never quite 'their home'. It doesn't matter that factually the newly arrived person (male or female) is paying 'rent' or part of mortgage and footing 1/2 the routine household daily bills...it's just not the same, so to say.

I'm a strong believer that a couple needs to set up afresh. Whether it be new house or apartment, whatever. I feel they need to go into as co-partners who jointly can feel 'this is our home'. It's way too easy to move into an old established house, but when doing so at first one just does not really stop and think about what that's going to realistically mean. It your case, this is a home where DH/SS have long lived. They're very comfy, have they long set behavior patterns and ideas in place and here comes 'the outsider' trying to change it all. It's a mental thing, not a financial thing.

Perhaps time to discuss with your guy that it's time to rethink the living quarters. Of course you should be an equal and every bit of a house should be comfortable and a sense of 'yours'. Nothing silly about the need to feel like you're the queen and this is your palace. But it's never going to happen in their old establish domain.

I don't allow video games on the livingroom tv. My DD (and the other kids when they were here) each have their own tv in their bedroom. We also have a tv in the familyroom where they all can/could play together. DD doesn't have a tv video game anymore. She just does hand held DSi. But she watches the never ending reruns of Disney channel in her room and watches movies no one else cares to view at the time also in bedroom (or familyroom). Yeah, I have way too many tvs in my home, but if it keeps harmony I can deal with the fact kids don't really need tvs in bedroom and no one really needs a small one in the breakfast nook to watch news on.

I have no trouble telling DD to find something to do elsewhere if I want to sit and read in livingroom and she's sitting on sofa with DSi making all kinds of pinging sounds. Nope, none at all. I've provided her with a large bedroom and a familyroom, I'm totally guilt free. I've provided plenty of places in home for DD and done all the necessary compromising I feel I have to do. But DH and I bought the house new together 25 yrs ago. Everything in the home is the way I want it (exception , the kid's bedroom. That's her privacy place and she got a lot of say in the room's décor...even with that, DH/I got final say).

A home shouldn't be a competition between the people who live there. A new beginning, a fresh start and DH/wife (SO whatever) should be on equal footing, both physically and mentally. It doesn't IMO happen in an old established previous house.

I keep a plastic tiara in my van. I wear it on the way home from work. That way, for 20 minutes at least a day, I'm the Queen.

I do all the budgeting and pay a lot of the bills. I decide where things go and what the money gets spent on. But sometimes, I do wish the King had some of this responsibility. It's not in my personality to reign over my own home that way and I more enjoy making fDH feel like a King and secretly know that I'm in charge.

I agree-it is very important for me to be recognized as queen. My dh does do a significant share of the household chores, BUT I am still the one "in charge" so to speak. Yes, he will wash the sheets, scrub the toilet, and call the bank-but typically only after I ask him to. I am the one that decides what needs to be done, what the kids need, etc-now before you misunderstand there are a lot of "areas" that he handles. The yard, electronic equipment, shed, garage all falls under him. We are both in agreement, that adults are in charge not kids.

I have never had an issue with kicking any kid off the tv in the living room. Not to say I always do-but if I feel like it I will. I also have a "spot" I like to sit on on the couch. Again I have no hesitation whatsoever in telling one of the kids to move.

My ss15 has lots of issues but he had problems recognizing my authority over the kingdom in the 4 long months he lived here last year. I remember one time, I came home and he was sprawled all over my sofa watching tv after I had told him quite clearly that he could not watch tv until after he had completed his laundry that I had literally been asking him to do for 6 weeks. I went over and simply flipped the tv off. And he was like, "What? You cant just come home and turn off the tv when someone else is watching it" I laughed at him and said well, why not? It's my tv. To which he responded with, "I'll just go to my grandmas and watch tv" I told him to get walking. She lives 20 minutes away by car.