Name my SS' issues.
Another recent blog got me thinking. I have been wondering what's up with my SS16. Here are some of his behaviors:
He walks like Frankestein, he doesn't swing his arms when he walks.
Of course his video games are his life. Although he does love marching band.
His social skills are not great. He never gets invited anywhere. But he loves going to school functions, he goes to school dances by himself.
He likes to communicate in one way conversations, and he can go on and on about his video game characters without so much as taking a breath. I hear him talking to an out of state friend on the phone, and I literally do not hear him pause the entire time. I don't think the kid on the other end has any chance to speak.Hed not good at two way conversations that I can see.
He has terrible social anxiety when he's out of his comfort zone, basically anything outside his bedroom. At 16, he couldn't even ask a waitress for directions to the bathroom. He made his dad help him.
He is not physically coordinated at all. So driving seems to be a long way off. He's extremely clingy, doesn't respect personal space. He either has to glom onto his dad or he hides in his room. There is no in between.
This kid has more phobias than Ive ever seen. SO told me as a small boy he would scream if someone tried to put a band aid on his leg. Not screaming at the boo boo, but the actual band aid.
He is like a 10 year old in a 16 year old body. He was dancing around the kitchen when his grandparents came to visit. He adores them and is in heaven when his grandma baby's him. I walked in on him snuggled rigtup next to grandma like a little kid. And SS is taller than his dad. He's not a cute little button.
I know I should not try to label him, but he is just not your typical teenager. Anyway, any thoughts?
- Onefootout's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Yes his grades are good. B+
Yes his grades are good. B+ Ave. I saw his national test score though and it said he was below average in math and science. The subjects he actually makes good grades in. I do wonder about grade inflation, but even so, he seems to do well.
He's definitely a huge nerd, but I sense something more is going on.
Thx good times. You are right
Thx good times. You are right I tend to want to find an explanation for the kids's behavior and there may not be one. He definitely has social anxiety and a lot of phobias, which may be why he's socially delayed because he hasn't gotten out there with his peers.
Red Eyes thanks. He sounds a
Red Eyes thanks. He sounds a lot like your son, but not as nice as your kid. SS is Mr. Gloom and doom and passive aggressive. And SS can be annoying and adjusting to living with him full time is a challenge. What I like about your comment is that even a kid with a great mom can have these quirks. SO always explains SO's quirks by blaming BM's crappy parenting. I always suspected that SS is who he is from an early age, and BM can't be blamed for everything.
Do you gals wonder if the
Do you gals wonder if the video games have something to do with it? Have both boys been gamers ever since they were little? The whole "gaming" thing scares the shit out of me.. how kids are so quickly sucked in. I came home one day last winter to find that DH had plugged in the old Playstation and was teaching BS3 (who was 2 at the time) how to play... the only 3 games that we had that worked were Tiger Woods golf, Mortal Kombat and some driving game. I was OK with it at first, it was dead winter, nothing to do but watch TV, so whatever. I swear within 2 days, BS was asking to play "the bad guy fire" game (Mortal Kombat) relentlessly. I put a screeching halt to that. I unplugged the Playstation and told him it was "broken" and I took the batteries out of the remote and told him that we didn't have any more batteries for it. He asked about it for a couple of weeks and then thankfully forgot about it. I made my decision right then and there that there will be NO video games for that little boy in my house.
He has an I Touch, my old smart phone and games on my tablet but he is not any where near "obsessed" with any of those as he was that stupid Playstation. Like he will goes days without doing anything on is IPod and then only plays Subway Surfer or Paper Toss for like 2 minutes and he's done. I can handle that.
I'd be curious if there are any studies out there about excessive video game playing and delayed mental and social growth.
Only in that it's just
Only in that it's just another way for kids to avoid social interaction with their peers. There was a dateline type show that talked about a study of video game addiction in kids. I remember asking my ex bf who his sons were talking to while playing Xbox. Ex said they are playing with their friends. I actually thought of friends from school and I was so happy to see them interacting on some level. But it turns out they were just playing with random kids online that they'd never met in person. I was so disappointed.
My SO finally moved the Xbox out of the living room so I don't have to watch SS sit on the couch all weekend in his dirty bathrobe playing Assasin's Creed for most of the weekend. I feel like a new person. Those video games killed my soul.
@outtahere: yes I am guilty
@outtahere: yes I am guilty of trying to put a label on him. His phobias extend to food. He is the pickiest eater I've ever met. He also really only likes to eat his dad's cooking. BM raised him on the McDond's dollar menu, but even so, the kid has a lot of foods he won't eat.
It also sounds a little like
It also sounds a little like my ds14. He loves his video games. He has a best friend (who happens to be our neighbor and a girl-they've been best friends for 8 years). He loves spending time with her. He also has another guy friend he likes talking to. I believe he has a few other friends here and there he texts and sits with at lunch and so forth but these are really the only two he sees socially outside of school. He has had a couple of girlfriends, that he saw outside of school, but really just prefers to be alone, to read or play video games, unless he can be with these preferred people.
He is super smart and has a 4.0. Socially, he acts completely fine with his preferrd people, but is just quiet around anyone else. He is not shy, and doesn't really have problems interacting with strangers asking for help or any of that. He is also so good. No drugs, alcohol, peer pressure type stuff to worry about.
So, yes, I just think he's a bit quirky. He marches to the beat of his own drummer. He's very stubborn-and sometimes I'm sad he doesn't have a larger social network-but at the same time I have pretty much zero worries of him ever getting into any sort of trouble, making bad decisions, etc that I do almost daily with my 15 year old pretty, popular daughter.
Thx hismine. These comments
Thx hismine. These comments make me feel so much better. I don't feel so alone. I can't talk about this subject with SO because he gets his feelings hurt.
From the way you describe
From the way you describe your SS, I see a variety of issues going on. Some I would classify as normal teenage behavior and other's I wouldn't.
The video game passion: Being a casual gamer myself, I have seen this in teenagers and even in adults. One of SS's friends is particularly bad. He can't say a sentence without the word "xbox" or "mod" in it. My brother has a good friend who eats, lives and breathes WoW (World of Warcraft). Now, I am a geek myself, and I love anything sword and sorcery related. I know what WoW is, but I have never touched it. I know how much it can suck the life out of you and I know plenty of guys who put their marriages in jeapordy because they were horribly addicted to WoW. Everytime I see my brother's friend however, WoW is the only thing he wants to talk about. I ask this guy about his wife and his kids, and he'll just steer the conversation back to WoW. So while I can be passionate about some of the hobbies I love, I do not let it consume me. Your SS has, by my understanding allowed his video game hobby to consume him. This is not necessarily a bad thing but I believe in putting limitations to video gaming.
Social Skills: I get the sense that he is just very shy. We often confuse "weirdness" with "Shyness". I was a bit of a shy loner in high school myself. I actually seriously thought I was anathema to girls. So I did my best to avoid them or going to events (like school dances) where there was a "risk" that I might have to interact with a girl. No one told me how to talk to girls, or how to groom myself. The only thing my Dad told me was "You know son, you should shower because girls are going to start looking at you"....Yeah, that was about as much help to me as "You know son, milk comes from cows." I had virtually nothing in common with my classmates so I didn't have any help there either. So throughout most of high school I was very insular. I read a lot of Edgar Allen Poe too, which made my teachers worried but that is another story....It was only in my last year did I "blossom". Suddenly I had a slew of friends, a girlfriend, and parties and social events I wanted to go to. Literally all it took was one guy to decide to take an interest in me for being just being - well - me. I am not saying that this is what your SS needs, but I know what it feels like to be living in a bubble and not have the courage to venture outside it.
Don't know if I can share any more insights here. I can sympathize with your SS on some level, and can only hope that one day he'll come out his "shell".
Actually video game addiction
Actually video game addiction is A LOT like porn and gambling addiction in the sense that the symptoms are the similar (anxiety, stress, lack of desire to socialize, skipping family obligations/chores,etc). The problem is that it is not documented enough.
I myself KNOW which games are likely to make me want to play 24/7. So I stay away from them. I would love to play them, but my family and my career come first.
DW is especially sensitive to this subject because her ex (Donkeykong) was addicted pretty bad. So bad, he would call in sick to work the next day if he stayed up late feeding his video game addiction (which was a regular occurrence). DW would fix dinner, call him down and he would come down, scarf his food in under 5 minutes without saying a word and then run right back to his computer.
When they split up, DW told him he should be happy now that he can [this part censored] his computer all he wants.
Thanks, Drac0. He is a video
Thanks, Drac0. He is a video game addict. I was also shy, so I know what that's like. SS is more than that. He clams up when trying to tell the barber how to cut his hair and ask for directions to the bathroom. Other times he can't stop talking, and I mean for hours. And I do think emotionally he is about 10. Which is hard to take from an almost adult.
Oh well, he is who he is.
Question: Let's say you bring
Question:
Let's say you bring him to a video game store and is looking for a video game that he wants but can't find it. How would he act? Would he clam up and ask you or his Dad to ask the sales clerk, or would he be bold enough to ask the clerk himself?
Don't know about that, I've
Don't know about that, I've never been with him. But he loves food and I do know that he has no problem ordering a hamburger exactly how he likes it, no mayo. So with enough incentive he can overcome his shyness. And he can navigate airports and airplane transfers by himself so I know he's capable of communicating when he has to. But when daddy is around he becomes infantile. He's gotten better since I moved in and I've called him out on some of his behavior. Especially the clingyness and interrupting his dad and I while we're talking.
My SS does almost the exact
My SS does almost the exact same thing your SS is doing with his Dad. When my SS is with me, he is actually outgoing and proactive. When he is with his Mom, he clams up and acts like a boy half his age.
Like you, I call him out on this behavior. At first DW thought I was being harsh and expecting too much from him but DW is finaly learning that part of the problem with SS's behavior is due to the fact that she unwittingly feeds his desire to cling to his innocent childhood. This is why I have a better time helping SS with his homework than DW does. It is not because I am a better teacher or have more patience, it is because when DW tries to help, SS is more interested in getting his Mom to soothe him, hug him and sweet talk to him.
I think if SS got a job that
I think if SS got a job that would help him immensely but his dad won't push him. I know my jobs helped me so much with my shyness and speaking in front of crowds. Who would imagine I would now be teaching training courses to a group of all male law enforcement officers. Tough crowd, but I did it.
Aspergers
Aspergers