We are not evil sm's..If dh's raised likeable skids, things would be different!
I was thinking back to a few years ago when I first met sd8. I am good with kids and put so much effort into developing a good relationship with her. It didn't take long for me to see how awful her behavior was. I gave dh an ultimatum to parent his daughter effectively,or I would've have called off our engagement. Luckily dh was well aware of sd8 bad behavior and changed his ways with her. Even still I backed off from being close to her because her crappy behavior has left such a bad taste in my mouth. I am polite,kind,and do nice things for her,but I am having a hard time wanting anything more with her. I walk in my house and see her pouty mug and can't stand it. I limit my exposure to her because she still isn't that likeable in my eyes. Dh would like me to be more involved, but he raised her to be unlikable. I can't just forget her outrageously bad behavior,as she still displays remnants of it. I raised bs10 to be so likable,he is good natured and pleasant. We are not evil stepmothers, ladies!!! We just have the gift of discernment!
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Yep. The skids were raised
Yep. The skids were raised poorly.
DH stepped up his level of parenting too when he moved in with me. Now SD doesn't come over anymore.
YES YES YES> Stalk needs a
YES YES YES> Stalk needs a like button.
Agreed, like you I went in
Agreed, like you I went in hoping to have a good relationship with SS's, but it became clear very early on they were unruly, lacked discipline and manners. SO tried but was always met with resistance, BM just gave into their demands and let them have and act the way they wanted, it was easier then parenting. No matter how much SO tries there is only so much he can do 4 days a month. They both lack parenting skills, BM ignores the bad behavior while SO while say stop doing xyz and when they don't he doesn't follow through.
Last night was a perfect example. We were at YSS football game and after the game OSS was climbing up a fence and he was told by both BM and So to stop and get down, he ignored them. As we were leaving the field he decided to do it agian and was told again to not do it. I look at SO and said grab him by his FUCKING SHIRT and pull him off the fence. SO did and OSS got mad at SO and wouldn't say goodbye, So now you have SO chasing OSS to say goodbye like a puppy. I said DO NOT chase a 9 year old, FUCK HIM if he is mad because you disciplined him. SMFH WTF is wrong with the 2 of them.
So yes I am not evil his kids just SUCK!
Yep. My DH has it easy with
Yep. My DH has it easy with my kids. They are likable (so I'm told) and I have told them from day one .. He is me. If he tells you to do something, treat it as if I said it. Treat him with the same respect you give me or there will be hell to pay.
^^^Yes...very similar over
^^^Yes...very similar over here. Your children have a legitimate fear of your disappointment because they respect you. Mine does too, and I've never laid a hand on him. I can't stand the constant bargaining that SO does for authority with his kids right in the middle of a power struggle. If you don't have the authority (your child's respect) BEFORE the power struggle occurs, you'll lose every time! It's like going into war without a weapon.
Parenting is equal parts love and discipline. What these idiotic men of ours don't realize is that you gain a child's respect by training (*discipline/teach/correct) them!
It's a mutual respect / love.
It's a mutual respect / love. But I am NOT their friend. It disappoints me to hear them on the phone with their BF. No respect. In fact, I've had to correct them. Told BS I don't care how BF lets you treat him in his home, when you are on the phone in this house with any adult you will respect them. I hope BF doesn't remarry whole they are under 18. Any SM would hate life because BF is their friend and BS runs his household.
Agreed! It's mutual
Agreed! It's mutual respect/love/kindness. "Please" and "thank you" are the most-used words in our home... until the ill-mannered stepkids come around. Then it's "I WANT" or "CAN I GET..." Ugh.
I want my son to look back and say "my mom was smart, fair and kind." Those are the ideals I value and it already seems like he's valuing the same things I do. But then again, he's nine. lol So we'll see in a few years what sticks.
I LOVE THIS I FEEL THE SAME
I LOVE THIS I FEEL THE SAME DAMN WAY. I AM NOT THE EVIL SM. YOUR PROBLEMS WERE NOT CAUSED BY ME!TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT!