the extra headache and the extra mess of extra kids....then either they shouldn't come over, or an alternative solution that meets your needs should be found (i.e. dad handles everything related to the sleepover or the girls do all the cooking and cleaning for themselves and their friends....) You should not just be automatically assumed to be taking care of those things.

"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards

I had sleepovers with a friend every now and then at both my parents' homes. However, at my dad's house, he assumed the work of taking care of us. I think you need to ask your DH to do the same thing. If he isn't willing to do that then I would tell him the other option is Gestalt's idea. I have two SDs that are 11 and 13 so I can very much relate. I will do things for them and their friends but I expect them and my DH to help, and they all know that.

Tell your DH if he wants to let them have friends over, he is to deal with them.

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

Letting kids have friends over helps parents to know more about their kids. You get to know some of their friends, how they are as a group, what they talk about etc.
While I dont necessarily enjoy when my SD13 has friends over, it makes me more secure knowing who she is with when she is out with friends.
While I wouldnt want them doing this every weekend they visit, but now and then is a good idea. Also they are old enough to pick up after themselves. If they want friends over set expectations that they clean up afterwards. If they do a good job then they can have friends over again.

HAVE SLEEP OVERS! Honestly, it beats watching your SK's sit around and grow hair! Having more kids shouldn't be too much trouble. Rent them all the movies they wnat, buy all the junk food they want, order a pizza and take yourself to bed.

Tell the SK's that you would love for them to have friends over if it does not create a problem. A problem would be if THEY had friends over and YOU had to clean up the mess. Try it once and if they do not help clean up, don't do it again.

Oh! PS: If you do the cleaning up yourself (without any assistance), it might give you something to do so you don't have to....watch them grow hair. Trust me, there will come a time when you just want to be alone even if you are doing house work.

I speak from experience.

Why is anyone cleaning up their messes at all? Were are talking about a 12 and 14 year olds here and they are plenty old enough to be cleaning up after themselves and any friends they decide to have over to visit. Neither you, nor you DH should be picking up behind these girls and their friends.

So, if you do decide to let their friends stay over I would make it clear that THE GIRLS and or The girls and their friends will be cleaning up after themselves.

Your the step mom not the maid...

as long as rules are set in place before hand. my SD's are 12 and 14 as well. The 12 y/o gets a nasty attitude when she is around frinds. We tell her that she gets 2 chances and then the friend goes home if she can't get her attitude in check. As far as cleaning and whatnot, They have to clean their rooms and whatever other chores need to get done before friends are allowed over. No chores, no friends. As for the cooking, I stil do that. It's easier in my case to do the cooking for the kids.

It can be a nice break for you all, and as another posted said, it lets yo u see who your SD's are hanging out with.

When I was that age I was never at my house, or if I was, I had friends over. It's just that point in their lives where friends are much more important to them. Just roll with it.

We've had as many as 7 kids (10 and under) in our house at once. It's not as bad as it sounds.
Just try it, lay down the law like the other posters suggested as far as SD's getting pre-guest chores out of the way before hand and make sure they know they and their guests are responsible for clean up.
It CAN be lots of fun. And it does help you get to know your kids better, really.

We live about 5 minuets from my skids mom,. however there are no kids there age in our immediate neighborhood for the kids to play with. I just volunteered at their school carnival and got to visiting with SS8's best friuend from last years mom and made tenative arrangements for a play date.

I have had sleep overs & birthday parties over the years for my SS's & they are not so bad. I do know what kids aren't coming back over & which ones were good.

My DH doesn't do much either but my skids are very good about helping out when asked & are good with the please & thank yous so I don't mind.

I say try it once, see how it goes..

I find it so easy to get kids to clean up after themselves when they have sleepovers! It goes like this:

Them: Moooommmmm, can we have a pizza?
Me: I will get you a pizza when the rooms are picked up and all the dishes are in the dishwasher.
Them: Mooooommmmm, we would like a ride to (insert fantastic teen place here).
Me: I will give you a ride only when (insert cleanup instructions here).
Them: Moooommmmmm, can we rent a movie? (hint: NEVER rent movies ahead of time--you lose potential leverage)
Me: You can rent a move as soon as (insert cleanup instructions here).

It's amazing how they all pitch in and get the place straightened up if you make each and every "treat" dependent on them doing exactly what you want. }:-)