Normal for SD15?
Is it normal for a 15 year old to write her name on furniture in the room she shares with my 9 year old granddaughter? They have a wooden piece that has 4 hooks for hanging jackets or backpacks on, and she took a marker and drew a line down the middle and wrote her name over two of the hooks. Normal? I've already asked her before not to write on the furniture, she's 15, wouldn't she already know not to do this?? Is this something an only child does? Seems like a spoiled brat who has to have everything to herself.
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I don't think it's unusual
I don't think it's unusual for a temporarily unsupervised toddler to get into markers or crayons and draw on furniture. I think it's highly unusual for a 15 year old to write on furniture. A normal thing for a 15 year old who wanted her own hooks to do would be put a post-it note or painter's tape there and write on those.
Totally normal for two kids
Totally normal for two kids who have to share and one has proven themselves to be a bit of a space hog.
She starts drawing a spray paint, a line done the center of the room, that would another story.
Nine year olds are really really really uncool when you are fifteen.
I get that
I get that, but I'm just supposed to keep my own granddaughter from coming over? Especially when SD15 never even speaks to me or anyone else in the house except her dad?
Of course not
However, your granddaughter doesn't live in the home so why would she have her own bedroom or even need to "share" a room with the child who is there? Store some toys and things, have a trundle bed available or an air mattress but the younger child doesn't actually live in your home. Your SD does, at least part of the time.
Because
Because my granddaughter was staying with me every weekend before SO came along and then continued after. And honestly, I'm the one who pays for everything, why should I provide her with her own room when she doesn't even have enough respect to speak to me? Why is it my place to go above and beyond for a child who treats me like shit? And shove my granddaughter's stuff in a closet when she hasn't done anything wrong?
If you feel so strongly about
If you feel so strongly about this teen being in your home, perhaps it is time to ask your SO to move back out.
Continue to date and be a couple until the older child is no longer a minor.
When you move a man with a child into your home, yeah, you get the kid too.
You mention the father and daughter live in a very small space pre-moving in with you. And now you're stating you pay for almost everything. Doesn't sound as if a 'fair' situation you have put yourself in financially. However, it is not the teens fault that you moved in a man with limited income, nor that you chose to have her father and her come live in your home.
If you were to sell the house and purchase a home together , this teen would still have a spot in the new home. It is also possible your SO may decide there isn't room to accommodate your granddaughter. How would that set with you? Yeah, obviously not well.
If the piece written on is real wood , it can one day be refinished. Only you can decide if this repairable incident is worth causing upset in your relationship and home life. The man isn't going to stop having his daughter come, just as you have no intentions to cease having your granddaughter come.
Look for ways in your home to perhaps find store for things like book bags elsewhere in the home. Maybe the laundry room, by the back door, the closet where you hang coats, the back of the closet door? Removing the furniture with hooks from the bedroom may even give the girls more space in the bedroom. You have a choice of getting creative with the spaces you do now have or you risk setting up the battle of which kid belongs and which kid doesn't.
Is that a battle you're willing to wage?
Younger two
share a bedroom and are polar opposites. They make their boundaries very clear at 16 and almost 15. And yes, have been known to take a Sharpie to write their name on something. I try to provide them with the things necessary so that they don't felt the need to write on things. They have command hooks, label tape, etc. Still, my 16 year old felt the need to write her name on all of her plastic drawers to prevent the younger one from invading her space. I imagine it's a bigger deal when they are that far apart in age.
Why in the everloving Hades
Why in the everloving Hades are you paying for everything?! What is your SO doing to contribute?!
Personally, I think each girl needs her own space. They aren't sisters. They aren't even cousins, or related in any way. It sucked enough sharing a room with my sister (same age gap); I would have HATED doing that with someone not related to me.
However, this isn't solely YOUR issue to fix. Your SO needs to be contributing in some way so that his daughter has her own room that she isn't sharing with a "stranger" nearly half her age.
Overall, I don't think it is odd that SD is marking her territory (even literally). Teenagers do random stuff to their rooms to express themselvea and their feelings. They put up posters, put stickers on stuff, tack up drawings, etc. If you bought the furniturw and don't like it, tell her not to do it again and get her dad to replace the furniture she ruined.
I agree
I agree, even though this has been going on for almost 5 years, I get the age difference and the complications that go along with that. And yes, my house and I pay for everything. He still pays BM way too much in CS and college fund and all kinds of other stuff He helps by taking care of things around the house and does the maintenance on my business vehicles to help out, because he's having health issues and doesn't work a "regular" job. Another Disney dad who allowed the ex to railroad him in court and doesn't have the balls to fight back and parents out of fear.
She’s jealous that GSD has
She’s jealous that GSD has this room so she’s destroying property and marking her territory. Make her clean it up.