Perpetual scapegoat...
My husband is slowly getting stronger and while his recovery's not going as quickly as we would hope, every day is another step in the right direction.
His daughter is home on Spring Break this week and is up to her old tricks again, as to be expected.
A few weeks back, she decided to trash me on Twitter because I followed my husband's wishes and didn't call her to tell her about his hospitalization. She thought it would be a good idea for her to run her mouth to me by way of text when I called her out on it. She thought she was the shit. She didn't, however, think of the consequences of her actions and that she would ever actually have to answer for her bad behavior towards me.
I let my husband know what his child had been up to while he was incapacitated and he agreed with me when I let him know that me and her would be having a 'Come to Jesus' moment the very first time that I see her and if he has any plans of defending her, to please know that I will be telling him to be quiet and get over it because I'm completely over being her whipping boy. He agreed that she needs to hear it and I have no qualms about telling her, either.
It must have just dawned on her that she will literally have to get through me to get to her father, since he's on bed rest and I'm the one answering the front door these days because he physically can't...
She texted my husband yesterday with a long diatribe about how she would come and see him BUT this place doesn't feel like her home anymore and if she MUST come over here to see him, if she feels attacked or feels that a fight is going to start, she's going to leave and never come back again.
Ahhh. Some guilt. A few tug of the heartstrings. A healthy dose of emotional blackmail and topped off with a bit of threatened abandonment for good measure because although she has no problem stirring the shit, she's never ever had to lick the spoon. Until now.
My husband texted her back and told her that he was sorry that she felt that way, and he hopes she will change her mind someday. He got no response. I'm still not completely sure what she had hoped to accomplish with her tantrum.
Was she expecting us to argue and hope that I would leave so she can have her own way and come over here without having to answer for her actions?
And I'd bet money that she won't come by to see him before she goes back to school and tells people that I wouldn't let her see him...
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Comments
* Good for you DH for his
*
Good for you DH for his clear communication.
good news that DH is dong
good news that DH is dong better...
and Hon if she does not come around and talk crap about you to other people... you have 2 options, either you ignore it or you simply correct it, start telling people DH told her to apologize cause she was rude to you and she refused
OP never said she will refuse
OP never said she will refuse it, she simply stated that she will tell SD where to get off before SD can see her father.... thus SD knocking, OP open door, invite her in tell her she's a bitch SD can go ahead and see her father...
SD know this and will not come, SD will tell people OP refused her a visit with her father
Now I understand her mean
Now I understand her mean post to everyone
Did SD have a "decent"
Did SD have a "decent" relationship with your DH before this? If so, SD will come back around someday after she blows off steam. This happened with my SD when she was in college. She had a huge fight about DH and I trying for a baby (the straw that broke the camel's back...there were some real behavioral issues with her earlier, and this was the last blow up that I can remember prior to her refusing to see DH for a while.) We didn't see SD for nearly a year after that. She was 19 at the time. She didn't come around for Christmas, and DH didn't bother to get her any gifts. The door was open for her if she chose to visit, but DH was not giving her extra money for car repairs (he gave her the car) or anything else she seemed to always want money for. After a little over a year, she finally called DH, they had a long talk, and she came to our first son's baptism. It was almost as if they needed the break because she hasn't been as terrible since. She is now 25, and she did go through another period last year when she didn't talk to DH for a few months after he refused to bail her out of jail when she was arrested. DH is very clear about what he will do for her, and while I don't think they have a close relationship, SD does reach out to us and visit a few times a year.
Maybe OP's SD will mature a bit and come back around in a while. Another thing my DH does is refuse to be "friends" with SD on social media. She can say anything she wants, but it doesn't affect him. I think disallowing the drama like that helps things as well. Ignore social media. It doesn't matter what she says and others think.
"I let my husband know what
"I let my husband know what his child had been up to while he was incapacitated and he agreed with me when I let him know that me and her would be having a 'Come to Jesus' moment the very first time that I see her and if he has any plans of defending her, to please know that I will be telling him to be quiet and get over it because I'm completely over being her whipping boy. He agreed that she needs to hear it and I have no qualms about telling her, either. "
FWIW, I think that the SD reacted harshly towards the OP/SM and airing dirty laundry on social media is NOT the way to handle things. It seems that the OP was only trying to honor her husband's wishes and got thrown under the bus for doing so.
That being said, I can also see how the SD might have thought that SM was pulling the strings here and she didn't know her FATHER had directed things to go the way things did when she lashed out about the SM. This would be a bit like turning around and slapping someone for pinching your tush only to discover that THEY weren't the pincher.. it was someone different. It doesn't sound like there is much love lost between the OP and SD anyway, so it's not a real big leap for the SD to have thought her SM had purposefully tried to exclude her from knowing.
I do also agree with the SM being able to stand up for herself and tell the SD that the way she was treated was uncalled for. BUT, I think there is a time and a place for it and TBH, with her husband in a weakened state.. I am not sure that a drama confrontation NOW is the best course of action. Not saying it won't be dealt with.. but I personally would put it on the back burner so that the DH wouldn't be a party to the dustup while he is healing.
Let's play a worst case scenario and DH doesn't recover and passes away. He was robbed of a final chance to see his daughter. Yes, I understand she behaved badly but I believe it was partially due to a very big misunderstanding that the DH himself sort of caused by his directions to SM. SM says she is not preventing SD from seeing her, but she has made it clear that to do so SD has to deal with HER.. which is defacto making her a gatekeeper and the SD has a lot of reluctance to deal with her directly.. for obvious reasons.
I personally would do my best to put the dressing down on a back burner. I would tell DH that if he wants to see his daughter that HE should text her and arrange for her to visit him.. and SM can leave for an hour or whatever so that she doesn't have to deal with the SD. I am not necessarily advocating that SD is running the show and making SM leave.. but for her DH's sake, having a chance to recover and see his daughter without there being a huge scene seems like it would be the right thing to do. At a later date.. SM can have it out over the SD's treatment during her DH's recovery.. but right now, it seems like DH should be the priority.