Right on sister! In principle cs seems right, but in reality all parties feel slighted regardless of the amount pd or rec.

Cheers to Crayon! I raised THREE, count them THREE boys without A PENNY in CS! Should I have done it alone? Of course not, but what's the point of taking something from someone by force? How is that HELPFUL to my boys? My boys KNOW that their dad never paid a dime and because of that they have no relationship with him. THEIR choice. NOT in any way instigated by me. My youngest BS12 doesn't get a dime either, but he speaks to his daddy EVERY night, he sees him as often as his dad wants (it isn't often) and he ADORES his father. THAT is more priceless to me than ANY amount of money that I could force out of his pockets. Or any amount of badmouthing that I could ever do.
While I have breath in my lungs I will WORK to support myself and my children. If I didn't EXPECT to do it alone, I shouldn't have had them.

Don't get me started. When BM moved an hour away six years ago and left SD with us, DH chose not to go after CS to keep things civil. But when SD decided to live with BM two years ago, BM filed for CS before she even took custody. In fact, she delayed taking custody of SD for SIX months because the CS agreement wasn't yet in place. We will never see a penny of CS but now have to pay CS to that evil wench. Boy was I mad! And to top that off, BM falsely filed with CS saying DH was 1400 in arrears when he really was only about 400 (because his work changed payroll companies and they missed taking out the first payment after the transition). CS enforcement jumped right on DH like a duck on a bug, threatening to report his arrearages to credit reporting agencies. We got it straightened out, and when they realized BM lied the agency really changed its tune. But we still had to jump through hoops to get that done. I think BM was hoping we'd write her a big check. Oh, and the first check DH wrote to BM after the CS order was signed, she conveniently failed to report, then tried to get us to pay that amount to her AGAIN. People should go to jail for falsifying CS claims, the same way people have to go to jail (eventually) when they don't pay CS.

I agree with you, Pantera, the CS system is definitely, definitely flawed. I think some reworking and reprioritizing is in order.

I realize that you CAN raise children without receiving it, but I feel in most scenarios a parent shouldn't have to. Before I get jumped on for that, let me clairfy that that doesn't mean the NCP should be extorted like the system currently seems to promote - it just means holding both people who created a child responsible for that child's wellbeing. More balance is what I think the CS needs most, and less favoritism towards the sympathetic figure that is the single mohter that most judges seem to show.

Absolutely flawed on so many levels!

When DH was paying CS for SS20, his mother got that (not court ordered and every month) plus 1/2 of everything else--sports fees, clothing, dr. bill, orthodontics, on and on. No problem, he paid it. However, the problems arose when she kept her hand out for the money yet kept DH from participating in any major child raising decisions. She, on her own, decided to put him in a very high cost tuition private school w/o discussing it with DH and then sent him a bill--yes, she got that too. Then when he turned 18 and out of high school requested the child support continue plus 1/2 of college tuition, 1/2 of books and 1/2 of SS20's car insurance. That did not work out for her. Had she included him a bit more, Im sure he would have cooperated in her demands after he turned 18 where in GA nothing more is required from a non-custodial.

However, I know it costs a lot to raise a child and personally, CS is a necessity. BUT--excluding any bio parent from major decisions in that child's life is robbery in itself. Robbery from the other parent and from the child.

Amen..... CS is a total joke.

The problem is two fold in my opinion.

First is that the system has no desire to provide for the best interests of the kids and exists only to provide employement for the otherwise unemployable. (Family Law Judges, Attorneys, clerks, CSE, CPS, etc.....) These people are interested only in assuring their own employement and do so by screwing contributing members of society.

Second, Family Law Judges are incapable of making a logical or reasoned decision. This is primarily due to family law judges comming from what can only be the bottom 10% of the legal profession.

Certainly there a few in the Family Law profession that are exceptions to this but I believe them to be few and very far between.

All IMHO of course.

Best regards.

" No matter what side of the Child Support Spectrum your on, its all screwed up. I feel bad for the kids."

AMEN TO THAT.

Yep, the child support system is totally FUBAR!

I have many times felt very sorry for my situation because it seems like CSE screws over my H AND me - same state!!

When it comes to H's court dealings with BM and her never-ending quest for more money, it has always seemed like the court was pro-BM when it came to CS. [Of course, we have always won everything WE'VE asked for: child tax deductions, visitation, contempt, etc]

But then when I look at it from MY perspective as a BM, I feel like I am the one getting the shaft. Even though I told CSE where my son's father (or SpermIdiot as Rags would call him!) fled to when my son was only 4, it still took them until my son was almost 10 until they got CS ordered and a wage withholding order done. THEN the state forgot to check the box to file for Back Support. This caused me all sorts of issues and I had to fight to get back support which I am STILL fighting to get this day!

SI owes over $23,000 in back support and they are only taking $50 a month - even though he is finished paying for TWO children's CS and could EASILY afford to pay more. The CO states he is to pay a minimum of $168 a month. CSE says they don't know where he is at - even though I have given them his new address TWICE. CSE says I should be happy I am getting ANYTHING and they really don't seem to want to work for me at all. Isn't that their job??????????? My "case worker" said that she wouldn't blame me if I got private legal counsel. WHAT??? Why the HELL should I have to PAY to get the services I am supposed to be afforded from your agency?????

I a fully agree with child support. I receive and DH pays. Me ex has been on time and with the exception of a one year period that his now exwife thought moving out of state was a fun thing to do and DH followed her (they were not married at the time) and for the better part of a year was 6 weeks behind. I included him in every major decision that we would have made together if we were married: so daycare decisions- and I did call with the various options and asked his opinion and any questions he thought I might need to ask, ear piercings, make-up, private school vs public, orthodontist, prom dress $$, cell phones, driver license, and yes college now that she is 18. We were divorced/separated before she was a year. Visitation was set upon my discretion- since he is out of state we would sit down with her schedule and do whatever was possible to maximize as much time to ensure her being with him.

My mother's comment to me at that time- treat him like you want to be treated, you never know when the shoe will be on the other foot. So I everything I did I did from the view point of- if I didn't have full custody what would I want.

I never have taken him for an adjustment and I never will (he pays support through college). Needless to say, he goes over his support and buys her a ton of clothes, and helps out with all most everything I have asked help for (usually major expenditures like the BIG class trip, the class ring, the braces and some of the dr bills). DD also has total control of her support money and a list of things that she is responsible for paying for- to help teach her money management.

DH has never missed a support payment, we have to dig for information by going to school websites or when SD was younger by dropping off pre-stamped envelopes to the school for news letters and information from the school. We have no idea when doctor appt's happen let alone what is said in them. DH couldn't even really talk to skids pre-cell phone era. WE have been called everything in the book. We have had to beg for extended visits or go into "high" negotiations. The information then we get is skids don't want to come there, they have agreed to only come for this period of time, it is based on what "they" want- and that has happened since 2 years into our marriage- . Every decision has been made by BM- and then we get the email that says, oh I want your money. When we say No she criticized that we think only in terms of money and not the welfare of the kids. yep your right.....you treat me like a bank, then it all becomes a business dealing.

I agree with the calculations, I agree with the amount of support DH is paying currently, I agree that he should have to help pay or provide insurance.

But I don't agree with paying for stupidity.

Respect me and Dh and I would have gone thru Hell and back for those skids.

reading all these comments are making me :sick: to my stomach, guess if i ever want to see the end of the tunnel, i need to get a second job and pray like hell that x does'nt become a deadbeat.

seeing first on what i HAVE seen me hopeful that the state will do something to help me i cannot believe he's getting off so easy like this

My daughters father is almost 14,000 behind. He hasn't worked, so I won't recieve his taxes. She is 6. His payments are 313 a month. He was in jail last year, for something not related to child support...when I called the child support office, they just thanked me and told me they will update the system. When I asked what they would do....she just told me there was nothing they could do until he got out. 

The state got their money though....that's all that matters.

Regardless, I'm doing it. But, when I struggle....I start thinking about things not being fair. I guess it takes two to have a child...but that doesnt mean it takes two to raise a child. 

I wonder what the child support people are really there for? They dont enforce....I just need a little help at times...but this world can be so cruel. 

I'm no victim.