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NOW DH wants to work things out.

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 11:32pm

I have a labradoodle that is my baby (I dont have any kids). He is a weak spot for me because I do treat him like a child. When I got him groomed the last time, they had to shave his face because there were too many mats. So my nickname poodleface was accurate because once they cut all of his face hair off, he looks just like a poodle. Anyway, Today DH comes home and gives me a card and a welcome sign with a black poodle on it (that looks exactly like our dog). I couldnt even get through the card before I started crying and left the room. DH followed me and held me while I cried. I finally said thank you. Then he asked if he was "too late"? I said yes. We both cried and then he left the room. Later he came back and asked if I would stay if he "fixed up the house"? I said no, it has nothing to do with the house. He then said "since SS and I have no problems now, it shouldn't be a problem" WHAT? SS and I don't have problems? Is he crazy? Just because we haven't talked since June 5th doesn't mean we don't have problems!!! I told him that we all have problems with each other and that this was too late. I am just so exhausted and depressed. WHY NOW? DH said our communication was "off". I smirked and said "no, my communication was fine, yours was "off"". He didn't like it but its the truth. I have been communicating my wants/needs for over 2 years. I am upset. Why couldn't he do this the Friday I said I wanted to stay?

Comments

happymostly's picture

Submitted by happymostly on Wed, 07/21/2010 - 11:56pm

i agree with crystal. I know you love him and it is so hard to have a marriage be over. Maybe you moving out will help him realize TRULY the things he wants. Even though honestly, it shouldnt of had to take you moving out to realize it, BUT for me atleast, marriage is a commitment and I dont know yalls situation like you do ( i know your ss is a pain in the rear, from what youve said) so if he got all the help for ss that he needs and show vast improvements I would probably give it another shot, but I would still move out and all that. Im not sure if you've given him previous chances and such, but the best of luck to you. Be strong I hope things can work out for the best, even if you guys end up not together.

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 6:25am

I had a guy that strung me along like this for years, and we always broke up again - he always 'forgot' whatever was wrong - he always felt the opposite of me, I believe just for some excitement in his life?!

You are better off without this emotional manipulation. I know it is hard to break up but he needs to actively address what you see as the issues, and he needs to see them himself too! At least that is what we would hope for dear . . . HUGS

LizzieA's picture

Submitted by LizzieA on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 7:04am

Perhaps he is sincere and this can be mended--but I too have had the last minute gestures. Once I went back, against my gut, and it soon returned to the former situation. And I was done--done. This after years of trying to communicate. But he was emotionally abusive and unable to form a real bond. Go ahead and leave. If he is serious, he can do the work of rebuilding your trust and your relationship over time. But you will be in the driver's seat and can choose to go back or not. But I think once you are free and around healthy situations, this will seem more and more like a nightmare you have escaped.

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 7:42am

Thanks everyone. I know I have to move out. I just keep telling myself that if we were meant to be together, we will be together whether I move out or not. I just can't wait to get out of there so I can begin to heal. Your comments really do make me feel better.

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 9:24am

I told him last night that we could "date" and start over once I moved out. And that I didn't know what was going to happen or what I was going to. He didn't say anything to that. I told him that whatever was happening, I needed to go. I told him that I at least need to move out to find myself again.

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Thu, 07/22/2010 - 3:29pm

Yes, we've only been married for a year. I left after 3 months of marriage and went back. I am kicking myself for even getting married. Im not sure why I did. It was bad before we got married. Once we got married it got worse. 5-10 times a week? Try maybe 10 times the whole year. Its been a rough ride. I appreciate your comment. I will be around.