I'm going to be sick :sick:
Okay - so I blogged last week about my concern with SD15's continued dealings with XSF. I talked to DH last night about my concerns and I know he hears me but he is one of those "I'll do it when i'm ready" types. I'm continuing to find out more information about these dealings and involvement and it makes me physically ill.
Here are some for instances:
The bus picks SD up at her front door and drops her off at her front door. She's been getting home around 3. She will be starting fall softball next week and when I asked her when practices were (thinking they were right after school), she says "around 5". So I ask her how she's going to get there and she says XSF will be picking her up from school and taking her. HMMM...okay, school lets out at 2:45 and softball practices starts at 5...why is XSF picking you up from school and what are you doing those 3 hours in between?
This past weekend was DH's visitation with his kids and we were taking them home and trying to find XW#2 around a new high school they just built. Anyways, we're talking about the new school and old school and she says that she had only been to the old school once. I asked her why she was there thinking she would say cheerleading or softball or something - no, she says because XSF took me there to see a football game last year. WTF?!
I know nothing good comes from Facebook but i've been using it as a tactical weapon. }:) Anyways, I look on SD's page come to find out that XSF has been teaching her how to drive. This man has wrecked 3 cars!
Anyways, maybe I'm reading too far into this but I was pleading with DH last night to step in and tell SD's BM enough is enough. This man has absolutely no strings attached to BM or SD for that matter - in fact, he has his own BD he can spoil and spend time with. SD has a daddy - she doesn't need XSF in the picture complicating her life. In all honesty, I think by XSF still being so involved, it is hindering DH's relationship with his BD.
I've thought so far as for ME to talk to XSF (you know, step to step) and tell him he needs to back off and butt out. I know it will get back to XW#1 and will wreak havoc for a while but at the same time, he needs to disengage and leave SD alone. The girl has already been seeing a psychologist for the last 2 years - this surely is not adding to the solution.
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How long was XSF your SD's
How long was XSF your SD's step? I can see where you're coming from, but I also have to give the man credit for continuing a relationship with his former SD when he could have cut all ties. It does not seem to me that anything inappropriate is going on.
I have different friends kids who text me, call me, ask to come over and see us and baby etc. They are just kids who I am priveldged to know and who happen look up to me and enjoy spending time with me and the family. I would have no problem taking them to a game, giving them driving lessons, picking them up after school if they asked etc. and I've never lived with these kids...I can imagine that during the time your SD lived with her XSF that they developed a bond and I don't think it's fair of anyone to ask them sever that completely.
Does your hubby have a problem with all of this?
I just have a bad feeling
I just have a bad feeling about this whole situation. Maybe I'm overreacting. I think it makes a big difference between a girl and a boy, especially at her age. It just doesn't look right. She's 15, he's in his 30's and has no ties to her. I think it's fine that she has a bond with her XSF but at the same time, it just doesn't seem appropriate, especially since he has his own BD he can dote on.
XSF was in her life from the time DH and XW#1 divorced, so it's been almost 10 years.
DH seems okay with it but his thought is that if something happens or comes out of it when it's on BM's watch, he's going to blast her on it. My argument is "Why wait until something happens?"
I don't know - I want DH to say something at least to find out what XSF's role is and what else he is involved in. I think as her BD, he should know who his DD is spending time with and what is occurring.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your thoughts. It seems that I'm clearly over-reacting to my concerns of this issue.
Spunki - Even when XSF and BM were married, I felt his relationship with SD was strange. He and BM have been separated for 3 years now. I agree that you should try not to hurt the kids but at some point, there has to be a separation, especially when BM has a new FDH in the picture. DH has expressed concern to BM before about XSF's role in D's life and that he didn't trust him and felt uncomfortable with him around his D...yet, he's still there and still actively involved.
Sueu2 - I understand what you're saying. If I had the time to be an investigator, I would probably do so but now it's not feasible. But you're right - making a claim with no proof goes nowhere. I've asked DH to talk to BM about this again -- he doesn't have to go ape-shit on her, but I think D's father, he has a right to know what the plans and arrangements are.
We'll see what happens. Until then, I just need to chill out and worry with other things.
Thanks Spunki. I guess all I
Thanks Spunki. I guess all I have to hope for is that she will eventually draw away, if she so chooses, and her mother supports it. It's obvious that i'm the only one with a problem with this arrangement, so I'll just continue watching and praying for the best.