I've been with DH going on 9 years, and his kids hardly speak to me. Not to say hers will never warm up to you, but doing your part is all you can do. Good luck!

Do you and GF live together? Do you spend family time with the stepkids?
Glynne

This is a fairly NEW relationship, right?? Give it some time. I have a friend who's husband passed a few years ago. Her kids are VERY VERY protective of her. They watched her go through the most painful thing anyone could imagine, while going through the loss of their DAD at the same time.

Being with someone who's spouse passed is a lot different than being with someone who divorced. The family was "in tact" and they lost their dad. I am sure they don't want someone moving in on that territory.

Be patient with them. They have suffered a huge loss. Have kind words for them, and try not to jump in and "replace" their daddy that passed. That may be some of what they are feeling.

Hang in there Pat, things will get better for you!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

It's probably a different dynamic with the father passing away. If you want to spend time with them and you have tried and they have ignored you - I'm not sure what else you can do. As long as they respect your role in the home and GF supports you and shows the kids that the 2 of you are partners - sorry but I'm at a loss what else you can do. You can always try counseling but that only works if everyone is willing to listen and change. Glynne

But don't walk on egg shells, be yourself while being patient. If their mother wants to be with you and is happy being with you then eventually (hopefully) they'll see that and come around too.

Because your Skids are older it will be harder for you... You can't make them like you... but you can show them that you care. Be respectful as long as they are being respectful... If I were you I would have your GF talk with them.. and tell them that it hurts her.. not you.. her and maybe this will help ease the situation.. Kids normally respond to their own parents if they think she is being hurt, I would think that they would not want to be the cause of her pain... Even if your GF tells them you are not trying to replace their dad no one could do that and that you don't want to either..She should tell them that you make her happy and that is a good thing...

JMO

Listen to unhappy - I think she's on the right track. If GF lets them know that you make her happy and they see that - maybe the thaw will begin. Glynne

You don't have to like your stepkids, and they don't have to like you. I agree with everyone else- show them respect and don't walk around on eggshells. Maybe your GF's talking to them wouldn't hurt either, and they can all voice their feelings to each other.