Budget woes... Or why doesn't DH get it?
If you've read any of my past blogs you'd know that my #1 issue with step-life is money. Or the lack thereof. I've been topping off our joint account hundreds of dollars a month since we got married. I finally met my Waterloo this week and said, no more. I told DH, I don't care if we lose our cars, I don't care if we lose our house, I don't care if there is someone lying there on the operating table and all they need is the last $200 to get their life-saving operation, I'm not putting any more of my private money into the account. A bit of hyperbole but you get the point.
Got a trial of YNAB (I think someone on here turned me onto it). Sat down with DH and budgeted out our accounts until he gets paid on Tuesday. He has a big car payment coming up so there wasn't much. We allocated $75 on groceries. Now I know this is not a lot but this is what we HAVE. It can be done. Wouldn't you know, the skids are over tonight, and DH has already blown through $90. So now there's no money left for food until Tuesday.
And it also means there won't be enough in the account for his car payment. Pulling my hair out...
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^^ This!! I just found out
I just found out last week that SO was 4 months behind on the mortgage and at least 3 months behind on cable and electric. Called him out on it and told him I was taking over. We don't make a lot but we make a hell of enough to not be living paycheck to 4 days before paycheck.
I made him give me his card yesterday and I gave him an allowance of $200 spending money every two weeks. Which is more than enough and he will learn soon enough that he won't be getting more when he blows through it by giving it to the kids.
That's not a bad idea. I
That's not a bad idea. I didn't understand the concept of taking his card at first, because we live in different cities and he couldn't be left with nothing to spend. I'm a ding dong. Of course he could have a cash allowance!
Ugh, it seems so silly to have give an allowance to a grown ass man though. We only just started the budget so I'm waiting for the idea of consequences to set in. Every other month I've bailed him out when he didn't have money for gas, groceries, etc. Maybe when he sees I won't do that anymore he'll start being a little more thrifty.
SO told me he feels
SO told me he feels ridiculous having an allowance. I told him to learn how to say no and we could revisit the issue in a year. Until then, he can't be trusted. He didn't like that. But I don't like being lied to, so I'd say we're even.
As far as tax refunds go? I made him use all but $1300 of his return to bring us current on the mortgage and bills. "What about vacation this year?" He asked.
"What about having a place to come home to," I replied.
I'm surprised the bank didn't
I'm surprised the bank didn't start foreclosure proceedings with 4 missed payments!
And then we wonder why the raise entitled kids.
I'm reading Mister Money Mustache's blog and it's given me all sorts of ideas of how to trim the fat. DH is really in for it.
Perhaps they did and that's
Perhaps they did and that's why he finally came clean. I'm not sure. The house is in his name (and his ex-wife's, but that's another story...), so I don't get the phone calls.
I do truly love his kids, but their sense of entitlement is astounding. Until I moved in, I'm not sure they ever heard the word no...
I'll have to check out that blog tonight!
I feel your pain. DH has a
I feel your pain. DH has a spending problem, he's one of those instant gratification kind of men and it's driving me insane. He doesn't hesitate to swipe his credit card and then I scramble trying to make sure we can afford the minimum payments. My parents raised me to think if it wasn't in the bank or in the wallet (cash), it had to wait so this really really stresses me out.; DH is the type to believe he has to have 13 active credit cards for good credit. Vomit.
After 3 years, I've closed almost all the accounts but three. So weve made improvements. But now that it's income tax refund season, he's already trying to buy something unnecessary with what little we get back when our goal is to get rid of two of the remaining three cards. Keeping him focused on the end goal is so hard when he has no patience. Frustrating but I keep telling him and myself that compared to last year we are in a better place. But some days like today, our refrigerator went out, I feel like he's still not hearing me tell him he's living out of his means and he's going to screw us all with his self absorbed short sighted spending. Glad to hear I am not alone, even if I am sorry you have to struggle like we do.
Thanks. Yeah I am slowly
Thanks. Yeah I am slowly trying to get DH on the path. The first step was cutting up all of his credit cards, and rolling all his consumer debt into a home equity loan. I didn't love that, since then it became joint debt, but the interest rate was much lower and tax deductible.
I think DH's fundamental problem is that he thinks he is entitled to certain things. He makes a very high income so he thinks he should be able to get blah blah blah. The way he described the grocery bill to me tonight, it was ALL necessities. He didn't buy a single extra thing. Except he managed to spend more per person then if they'd all just gone out to Chipotle. I mean what's the point of making a budget if you're just going to totally ignore it?
I'd say hang in there, but I'm not sure it gets better. We're hanging by a thread. If this doesn't work I think we'll divorce. I've been thinking about it more and more. I don't want to end up in financial ruin.
Well it's both. He's got high
Well it's both. He's got high payments to BM, and four kids in private school. He used to be ok, but the kids keep getting more expensive, BM keeps getting more money, and his salary went down. So now he's in dire financial straits. I've been bailing him out, but my resentment has just reached nuclear level. So I'm not doing it anymore.
I just don't understand how if you know we only have $75 to spend until tuesday you spend $90 today. Totally crazy. The five of them could have all gone out to eat for that much!
YNAB - when I first saw that
YNAB - when I first saw that I thouught..."does that stand for You're Not A Beeyotch?"